


The Communication of Silence

by Spacegayparty



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abused Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Library, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Best Friends, Bestest Friends, Choking, Cousin Incest, Crying, Domestic Violence, Drama, Drama & Romance, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internal Conflict, Interracial Relationship, Living Together, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Blood, Misunderstandings, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Morally Ambiguous Character, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Incest, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past arson, Religion, Religious Conflict, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Students, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Therapy, broken relationships, but everyone is so fuck it, conversion therapy, it will just be discussed or remembered etc as part of character profiles and histories, minor body horror (kind of missing body parts), multicultural sides, past trauma, referenced radical political activism, roman is a drama, self exploration, this sounds rly bad but nothing is graphic or will happen in this story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2020-03-08 01:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18884971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacegayparty/pseuds/Spacegayparty
Summary: Logan and Virgil work at their university's library at the side of their studies.As Virgil calls Logan late at night, he knows something is wrong and decides to visit him - turn out this was a good decision.He temporarily moves in with Logan. Turns out there were so many things he didn't know about Virgil after all these months of working together.Analogical, maybe moceit. I will include DWIT. Deceit is a regular person in this one, nobody is just a villain





	1. Chapter 1

It was silent and dark as Logan was about to lock the library and go home. The lights shut and silence engulfing him, giving the place a ghastly yet calming atmosphere, he only realised the call incoming as his the display of his phone started blinking. It illuminated the the library like the our days and he was quick to speed up his steps as he walked back to the counter to gather his things.

Instead of leaving as planned, he took the phone and call, not minding the displayed name. It was probably his boss asking about whether he was done already or maybe write something up, grab a thing before leaving because Logan was trusted with these tasks and this information.  
As the librarian pressed the phone against his ear as he picked up the bag he had brought with him, the black fabric weighing from his shoulder as he let it rest. But every expectation he held for the other side, everything around him and all his worries and plans suddenly dispersed into nothing but thin air as his attempted to prompt the caller.

All he heard was a choked back sob and his heart twisted painfully, his mind stretching like the universe as his thoughts spread into every direction.

‘’Virgil’’, he answered mindlessly and suddenly his mind was void. Every question and advice died in its beginning before it could even reach his conscience and he felt ready to cry, just hearing his co-worker pretending to not cry. Logan did not know what had happened but he was ready to battle everything and everyone that had caused this massacre of tears that were likely to fall from Virgil’s usually pale cheek.  
It probably was not pale right now.  
And honestly, the usual image in his mind of Virgil - curling in laughter, holding his stomach with one arm and hiding his smile and flushing cheeks behind his left hand - was blown away as the other must have received his lame attempt at prompting the conversation.

Virgil seemed dissolve into tears, the realisation of Logan being on the other side of the line gave him a feeling that released his fears and cries.  
Logan stopped walking. He was not able to focus on his usual way right now and after his hands had automatically locked the library, the nerd just stood before the building and tried it again.

‘’You hate phone calls’’, he stated weakly, his prompting helpless and he looked at his feet. If he knew where Virgil was, he would just come to him.

’’y-yeah’’, the other’s voice came. It sounded too calm and suddenly all tears and sobs were gone. However, Logan was able to detect the breathless gasps the younger student seemed to hide.

Why was he calling him if he could not talk? If he did not want to reveal what was up? All evening, Virgil had not texted him at all. Since they parted after his shift, he had not even heard a word from the other. Not even from social media.

’’Virgil’’, Logan tried again, a frustrated sigh following and he wiped the blank expression back into his face as he tried desperately to remain calm, ‘’can you breathe? Where are you right now?’’

Logan waited, listening intently. He did know that Virgil was prone to messaging him, blinking through tears and trying to breathe when one of his panic attacks overwhelmed him. He never told the science student why they happened or whether this was usual.

It happened to often for it to be a rare occasion.  
Virgil knew too many coping mechanisms and facts about panic and anxiety attacks to be new or strange to these. And he had only worked with him for about nine months by now.

‘’Hmm’’, the tiny male said on the other side and Logan could hear a sudden crashing sound in the back and a sudden, distorted yelp from directly next to the speaker.  
‘’home’’, he tried again, voice sounding as if it was cowering to Logan’s feet and about to beg for help and protection.

It was everything he needed to hear. His body mechanically pushed into motion by the subtle call for something apparently only Logan could provide.  
Questions whirled in his mind as he speed walked around the corner and started walking to the street he knew gave home to his fragile yet mysterious co-worker.

‘’I am coming, Virgil’’, he mused, his voice sharp and sudden and he could basically hear him flinch as the breathing on the other side suddenly became thin and erratic again and Logan wanted to apologise for his words but there was no back. Not on his way nor on his track of words. ‘’I am coming to get you and you can stay with me. I want to know you safe.’’

There was nothing but a weak sound, akin to a whine coming from the other side of the line. He did not seem powerful enough to put up a fight as usual.

The line did not go dead. Logan stayed all the while and listened to Virgil’s breathing evening out.

 

Soon enough, he arrived and rung the bell at the door. The lights were on, scarring the night’s protective coat of the night and Logan pocketed his phone instead of hanging up. The half-giant waited patiently for a few moments before he heard steps and a shadow approaching.

To his surprise, not Virgil opened the door but someone else. A male stood before him, older and taller than Virgil but still shorter than Logan.

The man seemed insecure on his legs, the feet a little askew on the floor as if one had decided to go one way while the other had its mind on another direction and they just could not agree on one solution. His brown, neck-long hair was lacking in colour and almost looked like fallen ashes from a long-gone fire, his grey-blue eyes seemed distant and unfocused as he took in Logan’s appearance without a word at first, his empty mind desperately trying to grab a word, make up a sentence and ask why this man, this stranger, suddenly showed up at his doorstep in the middle of the night without a word. Every time he seemed to make sense of the scatter letters in his brain, he let let his grip on them slip again and all the effort was for nothing.  
His clothing was baggy and dirty and it reeked of alcohol. Behind him, a scene of chaos and dirt could be seen

‘’I am looking for Virgil’’, he stated, feeling oddly out of place. His voice was blunt and direct as much as his words but the underline seemed like the aftertaste of unpleasant medicine and a tone of ice could be felt. It was not the winter’s temperature that gave the man before him a sense that messing with the stranger who filled the entire door frame with his height was more than a lost cause and wasted try.

Logan was so properly dressed, so neat and tidy and not even a single strand of his hair seemed to be out of control, out of a special frame despite his fast-paced steps that had brought him here through the night. He was too good for this neighbourhood, for these houses that were more ruins and the street lights that have given up on life too long ago. This place honestly looked as if it had seen war and the buildings and street suffered from too much depression to try or really give any fuck of what was going on.

The man before Logan was just a sad representation of this place. But a thought tugged at him and it made his heart ache.

Virgil did not belong here. Virgil, bright and shy student Virgil with his dark humour and slow affection did not belong into a place that had given itself up, that had declared its own death as it lost hope in its own potential.

Virgil had potential and Logan would be damned if he did not try to help him and make his dreams come true,

The man before Logan - probably Virgil’s roommate? Maybe his father? He did not know - shrugged and pointed at the corridor behind him.

‘’’Little Virgil is not happy right now’’, he spat out as Logan passed him but the nerd tried to ignore him, tried to not shake and shiver when these words crawled under his skin and rubbed into him. ‘’Virgil was bad and he will be bad to you, too.’’

Stay calm, he told himself, Virgil needs you, needs you there for him and not make a fuss and break up a fight.

As he stepped further into the house, which was just remotely warmer than the icy air outside, he started noticing the foul smell everywhere, the mold creeping up the walls and turning the white walls into a piss yellow that faded into a brownish shade around the edges and corners.  
Dirt and trash cluttered the floor and there were glass shreds and red droplets. Pieces of wood could be seen there and they gave him the impression as if they used to belong to each other and Logan pieced the mental image of a dark brown old chair together that had given in under too much force.

Soon enough, but not fast enough for Logan’s taste and less in favour of his stomach and nostrils, he arrived at a door that looked stabbed and mistreated, just as abused as the rest of this house.  
But this one was Virgil’s door and seeing it wrecked and hurt just let him assume the pain it laying behind it, the misery it was shielding his sight and body from.

‘’Virgil, I am here’’, he whispered softly as he picked his phone up with one hand and knocked with the other, ‘’please let me in.’’

Hastily, before his mind could really grasp it, he added a more silent yes very much audible ‘’I am alone’’ and it turned out to be the ‘’open sesame’’ for the wooden shield that kept him separated from Virgil.

A few moments later, he heard a click to his ear and the call ended. His display shut itself after blinking the notification into his eyes with a purple light. He had purple lights assigned to messages from Virgil. Right after, the door’s lock made a heavy shoving sound, a dull and brazen sound that resonated in his chest before the wood creaked open and a slender hand pulled him into the unknown.

Logan was faster out of the corridor and in Virgil’s room than he had anticipated and now he was standing in a dark room, merely illuminated by the agonizingly white screen of a laptop that seemed to be next to ... a bed?

Logan could not tell but his dark blue eyes tried their best to adjust to the darkness around them and find some sort of orientation in this strange setting.

 

‘’Lo’’, the hand holding onto his arm seemed to whisper and he directed his attention to the small student before him, looking so small and tiny in the scarce light on the other side of the awfully small room. The bed was a singe sized and would probably fit up to five times into the entire room if every furniture was kept out and the floor was taken up completely.

Logan narrowed his eyes on the black cluster of fabric before him, the oversized hoodie sitting on the thin frame and wearing Virgil rather than being worn by him. The lack of proper light somewhat gave the librarian the impression that there was even more hidden than his co-worker seemed to let on.

But instead of asking, instead of making the other talk and force him into opening up, he simply opened his arms and gently tugged the tiny student closer with a loose grip on shoulder. Virgil flinched a bit at the contact and a soft sob broke from his throat but he easily followed the tug and fell into Logan’s arms with a relief that carried their weight together.

‘’Why are you here?’’

Logan gently rubbed over Virgil’s back, trying to calm him down as he shivered and sobs kept resonating in his body and making him shake and jerk his fragile bones in his co-worker’s arms who loosely held the student close. His voice sounded as if he had smoked a whole packages of cigarettes and strummed down his vocal chords like an instrument.

Logan just wanted this voice to be full of sarcasm and spite again, or even better, just laughing shyly and with a hand in front of his mouth to muffle the sounds of his joy even though it made Logan’s heart warm up as if these nice sounds ignited a fire within his chest to stay over and camp. Actually, Virgil had more than a campfire in his chest but rather a special place, a true palace compared to his actual living conditions.

‘’I am here because you called me, Virgil. I am not letting you stay here, do you understand?’’

His voice rang through the thin student’s frame and he let out a silent whimper before he gave a soft sound of approval before he started crying properly. The statement seemed to have broken any restraints within him that had him try to keep it together and not cry or anything.

However, now he was full on sobbing, his choking tears and desperate gasps like sirens to Logan and he carefully scooped him up and carried him to the bed to really inspect him and make it more comfortable for his tired feet and Virgil who must be more than exhausted after all the panic and crying he seemed to be through.  
After all, Logan had not been holding him in his arms but also up on his feet as he had embraced the shivering form of his friend.

A few steps and a few careful movements later and Logan stood before the bed, about to set the other down when Virgil seemed to realise what was happening and started moving in a sudden jerk backwards, his head snapping from Logan’s shoulder into a further distance and the two looked at each other as Virgil frantically tugged and pushed at Logan. The latter had no idea what was happening but the punk with the purple hair squirmed further until Logan carefully let him down again, putting him gently down onto his feet again and holding onto his sides as he tried to stabilise him. The librarian was not sure whether the other was able to stand without him after all, so he just wanted to make sure.

Virgil stood on his legs, seeming like a thin single stick poking out from the ground and bending in the slight breeze of the world. He carefully walked to the side and placed his sleeve-covered right over a light switch next to his bed and the hooded figure ducked away a bit, hiding from the light as the painful orange shine hurt his unprepared, honey coloured orbs.

Logan averted his gaze from Virgil to the bed to understand what was wrong and the sight made his heart quench painfully. Shreds of glass were scattered over the black sheets of the bed and tweezers laid by the glossy cherry that tainted the transparent edges and shreds of tiny pieces.

The elder turned back to the student and carefully cornered him as the other took as step back with every inch Logan approached him. It felt as if the shreds on the sheets might as well pierce into Logan’s heart as he saw his trusted and beloved friend squeeze himself into the corner of his wall and bed until the barriers of matter did not allow his legs to escape any further.

’’n-nu’’, he whined and Logan stopped, his mouth slightly agape. His blue eyes teared up and his gut twisted painfully as Virgil pleaded, begged him with his words and movements to not come any closer. To not hurt him further.

He was scared of Logan being angry at him, of him letting his anger out on him.

Of course, the science student would never do such thing but Virgil, in his panicked stance, did not seem to understand this. He was less than convinced.

Logan would just prove him wrong. If logic did not help, then empirical evidence would show him right.

The librarian shook his head and offered him a joyless, shallow smile as he pushed the corners of his mouth into an empty smile and his eyes seemed just as apprehensive as Virgil as he started crouching, never breaking the precious eye contact that seemed to bring the honey-eyed storm of emotions calm into a stillness of wind.

The stormcloud glanced at Logan and seemed less pressed into the wall as the giant lowered his height as he knelt down, one knee on the floor and the other following suit before he reached out with his hands to tug at Virgil’s sleeves.

‘’I want to make sure, Virgil. Is that okay? Please just nod or shake your hand. You do not have to talk if you cannot or do not want to’’, he asked softly and his voice lured Virgil into believing him and the light yellow of his eyes seemed to glow in a darker brownish, golden gleam as he nodded, allowing Logan to push his sleeves carefully up to his elbows.

The fresh cuts, deep and others shallow, along with some scars of several shades from fresh red to faint pink were revealed as he was left without the usual protection of his black and purple patched up hoodie.

‘’Virgil, this needs to be treated’’, he said sternly and carefully looked back at the bed. Tweezers, shreds. At least all cuts seemed to be void of the shreds that had caused the breaks in the skin’s tissues in the first place. His eyes roamed over the black sheet and soon found what he had suspected: sanitising solution and cotton pads.  
Something within him calmed as he realised he could probably treat his friend right here and there without problems and the day after still drag him to a doctor to make sure nothing would happen. Another part of him realised that this had not been the first time Virgil was hurt like that and had to patch himself up.

It also explained the constant appearance of Virgil in his hoodie and the need to be covered at all times. Logan was scared of imagining what other kind of injuries the other must have suffered from and for a moment, a seething flame of rage bubbled up within him as he realised that someone or even multiple people had to be the cause of this.

For how long? And why did Virgil never reach out for help?

Logan carefully pushed the student down onto the floor into a sitting position and grabbed the sanitising solution, tweezers and pats.

It was time to patch up his friend.

It took long, painfully long but Logan wanted to make sure nothing would get infected. But every time the cotton pads touched Virgil’s skin, the other would let out a weak moan or even flinch back even though he seemed to try his hardest to not move to much, Logan understood that the second burn of cleaning the mess of his pain just hurt even more and stretched the traumatising experience even further.

The nerd resorted to talking a bit as he wanted to keep Virgil’s focused on something other than the pain. He just wanted the young student to look less as if he was a big bad wolf about to devour him, the defenseless victim of the story. But it was less the case. Logan was more of the friendly giant who turned out to be more approachable than expected.

Actually, that was pretty much who he was. To Virgil, at least. Every other person saw him as nonchalant being or huge threat when they got on his bad side but this was not his calling right now.

All that mattered was getting the wounds clean and Virgil out of this mess and as the librarian started talking about the usual topics such as work and their friends Patton and Roman, the punk seemed to ease up just enough to sometimes mumble an answer or whisper a few comments.

It meant the world to Logan. It felt as if he was operating on a dying bird and every minute of life was a precious gift from the universe to him as a single person and he could not have been more grateful than in the moments Virgil trusted Logan enough to let him in, to touch and bandage his wounds and even talk back to him.

He would have early shift in the morning and it was only a few hours until then but he and Virgil were set on packing his things and leaving for good.

This night, Logan did not ask about how and why Virgil was in this situation. He did not press him into saying anything he did not seem ready to but he did patch up his wounds, cleared his bed and dried his tears before cuddling up with him and tucking him in.

Virgil was situated in Logan’s lap as the other trained his eyes on the paper before him and started reading the only book he had with him and the tiny room suddenly seemed to be in another world and instead of being caught up in blood, scars and unanswered misery, the two dove into the world of unraveling mysteries with the impressive deduction by Sherlock Holmes.

The arrogant character, albeit fictitious, made Logan smirk and erupted some small chuckles from the fragile frame of Virgil.  
He was not helpless anymore. He did not feel wrecked down by panic and choked on the pain of his hot and salty tears.

For the first time in forever, the punk curled up against someone’s warmth in this hellhole of a trap and he let go and did not cry himself to sleep but drifted off with a faint smile on his pink lips and a couple of slender fingers stroking over his hair as a melodic voice lulled him into Morpheus’ arms.

Soon, this would all be over. Forever.  
And the new start would be with his best friend who held him close to his heavily beating heart and the comforting heat of acceptance.


	2. Change of pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Virgil make it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shouldn't contain any triggers. If anything does upset you, please contact me.
> 
> Also, check out my Tumblr, it's the same name.  
> https://spacegayparty.tumblr.com/
> 
> I mostly post lgbtq an sanders stuff and also update about writing if possible

Virgil sat down next to Logan, yesterday's makeup seemed to have rained from his eyes along with the last fucks he had wanted to give for this flat and his mistakes but right now he felt dull and distant.   
The purple bangs in his eyes were about everything that didn't seem to come through a veil of thick cotton to him and even Logan next to him was merely a blob of colours. Colours and.. Maybe a source of warmth.   
If Logan hadn't been to his right, he would have reached out for him, would have made the same mistake of pulling his colleague into the mess that was his life. 

Actually, his life felt rather like a twirl of accumulated acts of foolishness. And they moved like a boomerangs and always came back to hit him square at the face.   
He didn't need Logan to be another mistake he abandoned on the shore of another life. 

Whatever, his old life could go fuck itself right now and it it was on another shore, so be it because he and Logan were right next to each other. 

He shifted his face to looked at said person next to him instead of trying to state through the pale reflection of his dry-cried face and molten eyeliner.   
He barely felt Logan but he.. He still had to see that the librarian was next to him. He had to convince himself that this was real. It was more than a wish whispered against the wind of a storming breeze just to return empty. 

"You don't have to", Virgil heard himself speak up. It almost startled himself. It had been a surprisingly long time ever since he had heard himself speak with a voice so foreign and hoarse to him. It felt demonic and distorted and he wondered whether it was his mind to twist the sound of it or whether it was his voice giving his brain the terrible input of such disgrace of a dirty sound. 

Maybe it was his his silly heart beating like a drum under the hands of a beast, erratically slamming down onto the thin layer. Amazed by the sound, the babar continued to produce more of these sounds that were swallowed by wavering, insecure vibrations.   
He was almost certain it was enough if a tremble to cause an earthquake outside of his body.

For a moment he had to wonder whether Logan could hear it. Could feel it

He hoped he couldn't. Virgil had messed up their relationship enough. 

The purple haired punk could feel the world escape his grip once more. Just then, when talking to Logan had almost brought it back to his mind.  
And there he was, slamming every sense of reality into the ground as Logan had offered it to him, had put all together and presented it to him. 

He and his inner anxiety wondered so much, he almost missed the response to the very question he had posed. 

"I know, Virgil ', was all the calm voice gave him un return but it was enough glue for him to start piecing his surroundings together once more, " but I want to. "

He blinked at Logan, letting it a shaky breath and answering with the weakest nod he had to offer in his confused haze. 

At least some things seemed to be fine into focus. As if using a magnifier glass to make as least sense of selected features in a field of blurriness. 

Virgil pursed his lips, strange to Logan's worries and feelings for him and surprisingly enough, the other seemed too deeply immersed in his own world to realise what his world has become.   
The punk didn't answer, but just shook his head and leaned it against Logan's shoulder, letting his eyes fall shut. 

If he had called him, would it have worked out the same way?   
Well, if he called anyone but Logan, he wouldn't be about to move in with him for the sake of avoiding going around shelterless in winter. 

That reminded him, it was just a few more weeks to his birthday. 

Virgil relaxed for the rest of the ride - well as much as his crippling anxiety let him. But his mental backseat driver kept screeching at him.   
Whenever he eased up, the voice would jolt him into alertness and keep him vigilant. 

Yeah, that was a funny reference to his name but as far as he knew, his name didn't come from being alert but from some fanfiction on a famous poet or whatever.  
It was strange, his name was strange. People kept asking him why this was his name because it was.. Anything but common in the area where he originated from. 

To be honest, he asked himself the same but never got quite the answer until recently. Sadly enough, he was dead shit wasted at that point and now only remembered as much as some Roman poet Virgil and some Italian Dante. 

He should look out up.   
(Seriously, Virgil, look it up)  
(wait, I'm the author, I can make you) 

Maybe they had been gay lovers. It would fit his existence. At least for the sexuality part. 

Virgil couldn't dwell on his thoughts any longer since Logan carefully stirred under his head and he involuntarily moved along, rising from his shoulder and blinking jn confusion before rubbing his eyes. 

The look he had given him must have been close to a glare since Logan just gave him an apology instead but the punk just shook his head and followed the lead of his friend to get up and leave the bus in the next stop. 

There wasn't really any turning back now, was there? Logan, however, seemed too used to his shenanigans for a person who barely met him outside their work environment.   
The giant hovered like a mountain next to him and patiently waited as Virgil seemed to try and pick up clues for orientation.   
Just anything to understand where he was but this part of the town seemed like another world. Everything was clean and he didn't know why but the rotten aesthetics was almost missing for him. 

If he actually cared. 

"It's over there, do you want to go or..", Logan proposed, seemingly sensing his mental discourse as he stopped and turned to face him. His nearly black eyes met the clear honey of Virgil's and the other just took one moment too long to answer and gave Logan the doubt enough to continue more of the silence between them.   
"We can take a walk later and I make you known with the surroundings a bit, maybe that will put you at ease"

Why was Logan such an angel? 

He mutely nodded. 

Virgil had the vague theory that he wouldn't be able to talk to Logan's roommates but then again, it was basically four in the morning and no sand soul should be awake at this time.   
He himself was just another perfect, hand-picked example of a mad heathen staying up until the sun was forcing him back under the covers like the photophobic vampire he was. 

Daylight was overestimated. He was right about that and that's why he kept saying it. 

The starry sky above them was unreachable in the hell of a town that provided enough light pollution for him to be unable to locate anything but the moon in the sky.   
It seemed off but the light of these street lamps seemed more at ease, more orange, less stinging cold white attacking one's eyes when wandering in the night. 

It kind of put him at ease. 

However, the various intact buildings threw him off. Only when visiting others or university was it that he got to see so much completed stuff at once.   
Just.. Undamaged, intact. New. Fresh.   
Like everyone wanted this. Flawless. 

Neither Virgil nor his homes of previous living places had been anywhere close to flawless. Then again, moving had helped at least for some time and.. He had the hopes for something better happening to him and it made him hold onto life just a little longer go feel this miracle happening and experience the beauty of life.   
Working with Logan, for example, just as much as studying arts had been pleasant so far. 

It was a good change.   
Maybe it would stay that way?  
Virgil hoped for it. 

The duo of librarians walked down the street and entered a little apartment, Logan up front. 

With a click clack of the lock and a jingling of Logan's keys, the door flew open and the two went jntose, Logan before him and Virgil slouching as he followed, one arm hugging himself as he clutched his jacket tight and another was wrapped around the handle of his little suitcase. 

As they went inside, Virgil was tempted to let out yet another expression of gratitude as he had in the night while packing and when they woke up.   
It wasn't even verbal all the time, just sometimes the look in his golden eyes and an unspoken "thanks" on his lips and Logan appreciated it, no matter how unemotional and apathic he seemed to be, he very much identified with his observant nature and understood what people did. 

Upon stepping inside, Virgil heard a muffled sound in the darkness and in a heartbeat, Logan clicked the lights on. 

"Logie?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's not much but I just finished finals (also I just flew home and now I'm occupied because my friend stays at my place bc he needs me). I worked on the story outline and the character designs first and since I'm near indifferent to facial features, I had to look up a lot of faces in order to complete the designs to minimal satisfaction. 
> 
> I will update the warnings for the story soon but the plot itself won't cover many "gruesome" things. It's mostly talk about certain stuff.  
> For people who are triggered by Remus and Deceit, they will be in the story and the latter is going to have some more appearances than a simple chapter. (if need be, he'll even get his own few chapters but that's up to you guys) 
> 
> I hope I can update more but next week should be easier (hopefully)


	3. Coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton meets Virgil. The three talk a bit. Can he really stay with Logan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SORRY for this long break. The next chap is on the way, I started writing another one shot (which has 5k already!). I was travelling home and did not get the peace to finish the chap or upload it and back at home I did not have wifi *sighs* but now I moved to a new place and still have some more time before university starts up (not much, tho).  
> I hope you can overlook that.  
> Also, if you think I made a mistake or need to add a tag - please feel free to inform me  
> Have a lovely day and enjoy the chapter ♥

"Logie? '', someone called. The voice sounded familiar, warm and like pure sun in his heart. The nickname for Logan almost made him laugh. Almost. 

Instead, Virgil felt his heart leap and he promptly pushed himself into Logan's side instead of just standing next to him.  
A person. A voice? Voices belonged to people and Logan has mentioned two roommate before but Virgil felt and looked like shit with his edgy make up all over his cheeks and his arms cut and bandaged up.  
He was basically a spider in a frying pan. On a turned on stove. 

A warm arm put itself around him and the light turned on. He just hid his face in Logan's chest and the other didn't seem to mind his ridiculous attempts at hiding, his childish reaction to a new person. 

Logan was like one of these friendly giants you'd see in films. Silent, calm, a real anchor. When everything raged around him, he was still reserved and reacted appropriately. 

Maybe Virgil liked him so much because Logan seemed predictable and didn't react impulsively and directly like he did. He didn't snap and got stupidly emotional over simple things.  
Logan was just a calm silence, the breeze everyone felt tickled yet comforted by during a warm spring day outside. 

Virgil on the other hand was just an anxiety cucumber and while he tried to make amendments and rationalise his fears and worries, he couldn't help but realise that his panic got the best of him.  
After all, he was right here in Logan's apartment and already messed up with his exaggerated reactions just because of some sound, just because of some person. 

The voice even sounded nice. 

Well, but Virgil wasn't ruled by reason, the voice telling him to get to know and befriend this person who sounded like a great summer day at a pool.  
He didn't like those anyway. 

A voice in his mind wondered whether the voice and Logan dated but just as this ludicrous thought crossed his mind like some suicidal cat speeding over a busy street, the voice got a physical vessel. 

He was too shocked to look away. His head smushed onto Logan's chest but face still directed towards the source of sound. 

Another giant - even taller than Logan but probably not by too much - rose from a nearby couch, rubbing his eyes as he approached Logan. 

Virgil flinched away just in time before Logan was engulfed in an actual hug by the tall ginger man with the funny freckles strewn all over his face.  
Like a galaxy of darker, slightly brownish spots, the bigger giant's face was just littered in the endearing marks and even his hands seemed covered in them. 

Honestly, Virgil couldn't tell much about the new person. He seemed to like Logan, have a nickname for him and it gave him a sting even though he sounded and looked very warm and nice.  
Maybe it was the copper hair that made him appear warm like a fire to heat up your room. 

But what he could tell that the giant seemed to tired and unprepared for the sudden nap he seemed to have taken on the couch. His pastel blue sweater was wrinkled and slightly off.  
It was too big and hanged a little from his strong build. 

Well, the Microsoft nerd next to him had a more intimidating pack of shoulders so that was sort of comforting but just because he felt less likely to be be crushed, didn't mean he was all at once comforted. 

That was his first thought, however. 

"Logiebear, I was so worried! You didn't come to dinner and I thought you might have been hurt or something and I was really really concerned about you!", the warm voice expressed. 

This time it was evident that it had an accent but Virgil could not quite place it. Every word just sounded so well-carved out when it was pronounced and it was almost too clear when listening to him but also sort of fuzzy. Maybe because it was muffled. The 'r's were prominent and it somewhat reminded him of jokes about Irish accents but that was not the same. It was also much lighter but he noticed it anyway.  
Hypervigilance?  
Well, he did not know about any of this but he knew it still sounded warm yet seemed to edge on slightly uncomfortable screeching and little sniffles - covering a sunny day like grey clouds hanging in the way of the warming sun rays. 

Virgil glanced over at the other as he hugged himself now. The comfort of Logan's warmth was gone after all and his space by his side was taken by.. This guy.  
Ginger giant.  
He didn't have a name yet after all. 

But it wasn't as if he had any special right to be this close to the Logan anyway. They were mostly work buddies and sometimes took lunch together and and.. It was just stupid that his silly dependency already started showing because Logan was nice to me him for, like, five minutes. 

Okay, it was much more than that and he knew it. Logan knew it too. But he was still much too attached.  
Therapy should have taught him better by now. 

He didn't have any claims on Logan and just hugging had been ridiculous enough.  
He still couldn't believe the precious night after all. It was like a dream for him and part of him was convinced that it had never happened. 

''Patton, please calm down'', Logan eventually said as he patted his friend, ''Nothing happened and I am just fine. I promise.''

Huh, funny name.  
Again, this sounded familiar. He probably had read it somewhere. But the name itself not 

Logan now had too sensitive people to take care of and Virgil felt passively drained in his place. Or maybe it was just the few hours of sleep and all the changes he was running on but he was quite sure that the Logan was quite used to comforting others.  
Judging from how he always took care of him.  
It really was embarrassing just how much attention and care he often needed. It was even worse whenever he considered that he was already in recovery and used to be much more of a mess.

''Apologies for worrying you, Patton, but you must see that I am a grown man - despite being a little younger than you. I appreciate your care, nonetheless but talked about this'', he spoke softly and his tone edged on something close to fragility before he sighed.  
''How come you did not notify me?''

This guy,.. Patton, the ginger giant, let go off Logan in favour of looking at him and his teary face was now resembling the look of a scolding parent, if Virgil had anything to go by. it seemed like the caring look of soft parents as shown in the media. As if someone like that actually existed.

''Logie, you really tell me to text or call you when I already left numerous messages on your voice mail and phone in general! You never responded to me and I called you about seven times, Mister Techie!''

Awkward. 

For a moment, not even Logan could respond because he now realised just how much misery he had put Patton into and he carefully drew him into a short yet sweet hug.  
The way Logan held the taller man reminded Virgil of siblings that stood by each other through everything life would shoot at them.

He quickly averted his gaze but after a few moment of Patton relishing in the hug and burying his nose in Logan's neck, he looked up and actually spotted the little visitor.  
The giant had barely ever seen someone so short - not anyone their age, not a guy, really.

 

Curiosity filled the glass green eyes behind his obvious glasses and he let go off Logan, some sort of enthusiasm and mystery around him that Virgil felt as if he had been pulled into a major conspiracy.  
A smile spread across Patton's face and the giant was quick to push his pastel sleeve-covered hands into his face to wipe away the salty liquid coating his freckles. His eyes ate up the view of Virgil before him and the little punk just slouched. It almost looked like he was trying to disappear while Patton seemed to analyse every bit of his appearance.

He was the new test object to be observed under a precise microscope.

Logan's roommate let go off the younger student and turned towards Virgil while Logan stepped a little closer to the latter to stand between them and Virgil just took it as an invitation to shakily step closer to the librarian as if he could make the whole process of Patton mustering stop.

Patton's eyes did their best to catch every detail as quick as possible and Virgil could not stand it even one bit. He was still the cooking spider and the pan beneath him was seething hot. He was close to burning.  
His piercings in his lips seemed to glow in heat, his tongue however, was safe for as long as he would shut up (which would probably for another day or two around Patton. After all, he could not even bring himself up to even make a sound in his throat, yet alone produce sensible syllables). His purple hair with the blue tips were exposed. If it had only been raining, the punk could have hid the side cut with his hood or he could have pulled some hair from one side to the other to cover up the shaved off spot around his ear area.  
Oh, his ears were out on the open for everyone to see and he could basically hear Patton judging him for the self-made lobe and helix piercing holes and jewellery that featured his hearing organs to the sides of his face.  
His clothing was ripped and soggy since it was just some regular things and nothing fancy when wanting to meet new people or impress anyone.  
Virgil just knew he had fucked up and embarrassed himself and Logan enough to be a former friend and just be klicke out already.  
He briefly wondered why he hadn't stayed in this hellhole for just some more months. The next year would be the end of his contract and he already knew where to live next but it wasn't ready yet and and.. This was all too much 

And it still didn't end there. His eyes were surrounded by smudged black makeup and his whole posture was just as ruined as the rest of his appearance. 

Virgil casted his honey brown eyes down to the floor and just look at his shoes - wrecked and dirty from running. They were sports shoes after all.  
Even that looked just poor and horrible. 

Honestly, Virgil felt like some abandoned and neglected dirty kid before his scolding dad. 

But if he had looked up, he would have seen the look of sweet warmth in Patton's soft green eyes and he would have noticed how his eyes started becoming more glossy as he saw that Virgil seemed to be just exhausted and done and - 

"Hey, I will make us some tea. Do you want some breakfast? You must be Virgil and I'm happy to meet you but you look like you need a little time to relax a bit. So, how does lemon tea sound to you ?" 

Virgil blinked in surprise.  
Did the ginger gi- Patton, his name was Patton, talk to him? Was he serious?  
The punk was awestruck and tried to say yes but his throat stayed blocked and unwilling to produce any sound so he simply opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish when looking back at its owner.  
His face looked probably just as clueless. 

He was quick to raise his left and make a motion as if throwing a kiss at Patton as he brought his hand to his chin and moved his hand forward while his wrist stayed in place. 

"You're welcome, my dear! Logan's friends are my friends too so you can always come by, okay?" 

Another nod and the two went to the little kitchen nearby. It was a little corner in the living room wince both rooms didn't have a full barrier to separate them.  
It made rent a bit cheaper and gave Patton a more welcomed feeling to their home. 

Logan looked between the two and the gears in his Brian were working.  
He had never seen Virgil nonverbal and he had never see him interact with other people outside work or similar settings (such as ordering a meal for lunch).  
His mind made a note to ask them about this but considering what he had learned from talking to Patton and studying with him, he assumed that Virgil went nonverbal.  
Again, like the panic and anxiety attacks, Virgil seemed to do that more than just once in a life time but often enough go acocmodate.  
Or was there another reason he knew sign language? Maybe he just knew the basics. 

The blonde giant quickly went to his room to retrieve paper and pens so Virgil could communicate with them. Or, him, really.  
It just made Logan realise how little he knew about Virgil.  
He at least knew about Patton learning some sign language for his future profession as a therapist but he didn't know it himself. 

Maybe he should learn it. It was always good to expand his horizon and he would have two people he could communicate and practice with.  
Sounded great. 

When he returned, Virgil was wildly signing with his two hands.  
Honestly, this was even more of a surprise. After nine nine months of working together, he had barely glanced at Virgil's right to understand why he wore bulky clothing and hid away his body and especially let his fingers be sucked in by these endless sleeves he usually immersed his body in.  
Virgil was just avoiding weird looks he'd get for having less than the ideal ten fingers. 

It was sollte unusual to see him.. So excited about talking to a stranger.  
His gaze flickered to Patton who placed three cups on the table. 

No coffee.  
Patton was such a dad. 

Logan sat down with them and carefully pushed the pens and papers to Virgil. 

"I do see how you two communicate but I must admit, sign language is not one of my skills." 

Patton chuckled and shook his head and the purple haired emo just offered a smile and a dismissive wave.  
Well, Logan underdtood this. 

He wasn't the most understanding person in terms of reading other people and reacting accordingly but he got used to Virgil's reactions and - after several questions - he had finally learned at least some about his body language.  
At least he had some objective knowledge about people and their behaviours but individuals were so different, it go hard. Especially when people just talked more than anything. 

But Virgil had always been more the person to act rather than speak empty words and so far he had gotten along with that but.. But right now he needed real answer, verbal answers.  
He couldn't trust his mind to piece together the way Virgil's eyebrows would furrow together or how his feathery fine facial features would ease up or derail upon hearing certain words and sentences. 

"Aw! But Logan, I could have translated for you, don't worry", Patton protested, yet the wrinkles around his eyes and his lips curling into a smile undermined the strict tone he tried to come up with.  
"I made you tea. Too much caffaine is bad for you." 

Virgil watched the exchange as Logan pulled one of the tea mugs close - something with honey, if he could judge it from the smell - while Patton started sipping his own chamomile tea. 

"And yet, we both know I will consume about one can by noon" 

Virgil shook his head and let it an amused squeak but apart from that, the roommates could only hear him inhale air in unusual, almost unnatural intervals.  
It was different from usual breathing but it was clearly sucked in by his lungs in breaks between his soundless giggles. 

"Logie, are you planning on drinking coffee when I'm asleep?" 

Patton looked offended but the mischievous grin and the boiling joy within him was obvious enough. He looked as if he was about to break down cackling and his snowflake white skin seemed to light up with his freckles nearly glowing in delight. 

But Logan looked just like that but in his own version.  
His mouth seemed broadened and he tilted his head, about to hide his white teeth and shining smile by facing only the table below his forearms. 

"Maybe "

Virgil could hear him laugh inside and it made him smile in return as he scribbled down something with the pen and paper provided to him. 

>>Who talked about coffee? Green and black tea have caffaine too<<

Logan nodded in agreement, his lips wavy as he tried to fight down his bright smile.  
Patton simply let out an offended mock huff. 

"You're already conspiring against me, kiddos. I am so disappointed." 

Patton giggled and hugged himself in his oversized pastel sweater, the colour emphasising his glass shred irises. 

"Patton, you should go to sleep. I am assuming you stayed up all night waiting for me to return", Logan recommended and Virgil started scribbling down some good Uhr wishes in turn. 

"Aw, stop calling your dad out"

"You're not my dad" 

"But Patton, I - um", he started but shook Hof head, "let me rephrase that. I would like us to host Virgil for a while. Could we arrange that? I think it is a decision we should all know about. We are roommates after all." 

Patton titled his head and Virgil froze, curling in on himself and bringing his feet up to the chair so he could hug his slender knees to his chest. 

" OH, but Logie, why didn't yiz say so sooner? ", Patton piped up with a happy smile and got up. 

Why??? 

Virgil didn't know but Patton sounded so cheery, it sounded threatening in his mind, he couldn't help but feel himself shiver.  
It made Patton stop charging towards him. 

" Kiddo, can I hug you for a welcome?" 

Virgil froze and looked up at him, his smudged black looking ready to wander further down his cheeks in cascaded of panicked tears.  
He could taste the anxiety and it pushed his tongue into a cage. 

Did.. Did he really want to hug him?

The punk looked at Logan who seemed.. Calm.  
He seemed calm enough to even calm Virgil's nerves and he let out a shaky breath and slowly lowered his trembling legs before standing up as expected. 

When he was actually met with a warmth surrounding him and the sweet smell of laughter and biscuits, Virgil choked down a sob and held onto him.  
This wasn't the time to cry but the time to relish in the acceptance of another person. 

And he barely knew Patton. Yet between Logan, Patton and Virgil, there was already a familiar and nearly familial warmth that embraced them as if they were meant to be together in this constellation. 

But he knew he'd enjoy living with him and being around him and Logan. 

Still, at the same time he couldn't help but feel strange and unreal about being so welcomed in this sacred asylum. 

... As if something in the world was against his peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had fun reading this :3  
> If so, please leave me a comment and maybe some kudos because they motivate me and that means quicker updates because dopamine is candy to my think pan :3
> 
> PS: I run an incorrect quotes blog for the sanders sides and my handle on Tumblr is the same as here ;3
> 
> I will soon post an update on the story itself (aka the content) so you can jump off the train in case the future topics may scare you. I will try to limit everything to mentions because this is no angstfic


	4. A/N!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> important note on the tag updates!!! please read!!

first of all, Hi and welcome back! I made a kofi so you can buy me some water uwu https://ko-fi.com/spacegayparty - no obligations! I am just telling you.

About the tags:  
There will be no explicit adult content, but it will be 13+ content (but nothing mature since it is not explicit). There are several triggering topics which will be discussed and implied but none of them will be graphically described (I may write side-stories on these and other topics)  
If any of these triggers concern you, you are free to dump the story or message me and ask me about a certain thing happening and i will try to tell you without any triggers. I will try to put warnings into the specific chapters and even give informations on which paragraphs to skip. You might miss out on some information but it will be okay. 

This story is about morally grey characters who are ''good'' in some moments and act ''bad'' im others. There will be development and depth for everyone (more or less).

Extra note: There will be no sexual relationship between Roman and Remus even though both characters will appear in the story. Their relationship (in terms of blood relationship and family history) will be explained. I hope the tags make it clear but their interactions, just like Emile's and Patton's, will be a minor role in this story. If you are still concerned about remrom and you feel this might be too much for you, it is okay.

 

!!Please do not push yourself into reading triggering content.!!

Thank you for standing by. The tags in terms of relationships will be changed with the story's progress and I might add more general tags so please be aware. (if you, at some point, have questions about the tags then you can still message me on Tumblr or in the comments and such. It is okay to ask questions)

As always: If I miss a tag, you are free to tell me.

Thank you for reading my story and understanding this update.

I love you. Be kind to yourself and practice selfcare. You are worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again: my a3o and tumblr handle are the same if you want to message me or check out my incorrect quotes/headcacnon blog on the ts sides.  
> You are welcome.


	5. Hey, there's a lost emo in our bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets the last roommate! Can he stay for longer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I will try to update monthly but I cannot promise anything! I have many WIPs (Secret Sanders Proship, one crackfic and a smutfic - all in this fandom) besides this story. You will soon see some of them I just do not want to upload everything at once!  
> Now for the TAGS!: slight u!Roman, inappropriate comments (belittling and judging) about selfharm and mental treatment. puns (it is patton) and food mention/cooking! implied (non-descriptive) nudity, mentions of Christmas.
> 
> ****  
> All characters are flawed in this. This will not be a festival of bashing u!charas.

After a hearty breakfast Patton had prepared for them, he had eventually gotten around to sleep a bit. 

Since his work had him occupied during night, he was more of an afternoon and evening learner after all. But it wasn't as if he needed to be at work every day - on the contrary, he was usually required during evenings and special events. The flexible working times left him with enough comfortable time to dedicate to his master's thesis. 

And after this, he would be allowed to counsel. 

Logan had taken off to work while Virgil complied and actually went out to get medical treatment.   
Nobody had insisted on a hospital and he knew friends who worked in medical professions and could fix this up for him.. Or friends who knew enough about medicine because of knowing others who had studied medicine and such. Again, nobody had specified. 

No need to get another file in the local hospital. His medical record must be looking like trash anyway but he was used to it.   
Virgil has had worse. 

Another perk of being with these friends was yet again, having people understand his signs and sudden nonverbal periods due to relatability. And of course, he could easily inform his friends and family about his new home while getting his arms fixed up again. 

And he got a snack, soft cuddles and some lighthearted comments during the treatment. Doctors would just ask questions and invade his privacy while friends understood his silence and his words. 

What else could he ask for? It was the best if both worlds 

***

Logan's day, on the other hand, had been uneventful at most. After another few hours of organising books and arranging them back into their respective shelves, he had taken a lunch break and soon after, had only a couple of hours until the mercy of finishing work. 

It wasn't a bad job, boring at most, but it didn't interest or engage him enough to satisfy his intellectual hunger.   
On another note, he sometimes learned about new books and authors. He had seen his reading list expand extensively ever since he started working here. And it was a welcome change after hours of coding and complicated lectures on formating and such. 

Being an IT student was rather challenging but he was used to the expectations and hardships of life.   
So he took it. 

Logan had always been an engaged student because he had to. There was no other way to shine with pride and accomplishment in his upcoming if it wasn't for academic performance and an outstanding social reputation.   
Nothing ever mattered more than overall societal expectations.   
But Logan tried. 

He just arrived back at home to the smell of Patton cooking.. Something. Apparently, he was still just cutting and preparing some things but the pots were ready to be used like a laid table asking to be used for a meal. 

"Greetings, Patton. Has your day been enjoyable to you?", he asked, his voice strained by the length of the day he left behind him. The exhaustion from the cut short night pulled his usually rather straight shoulders into a slightly defeated slump and he needed push his lips a little in order to maintain a rather neutral expression on his face. 

He wasn't upset. But he wasn't exactly pleased either.   
However, a bit of time to himself and some light chatter with Patton usually worked figurative miracles for his mood. 

"Aw Logan!", Patton greeted much like a person who was met with a surprise pick up from the airport. He turned to face Logan who was wearing his usual attire with striped blue tie and black shirt.   
Patton had gifted him the new tie after going to college and Logan had never worn any tie as much as this one, even going so far as to throw his other light blue tie away and instead get a second one looking a lot like the one Patton had gifted him. 

Somehow, Logan always looked the same but at the same time, he didn't. Patton found that there was always something special about his friend and after years of growing up together, he was still surprised about some things. 

"I started cooking but Virgil came and said he would help me as soon as he is done in the bathroom", he informed him, his mouth pushing its corners to the sides into a little smile.   
"Oh, I also napped and wrote a couple of pages but not much. I bet tomorrow will be a better day for writing so I went shopping for groceries instead. I got some fish, I know you don't enjoy eating every kind of fish but I promise you will like this one!" 

Logan felt the dragging sensation in his heart fade into a warm feeling similar to the realisation of having been blanketed during sleep. 

Patton was usually the only one to ever make him feel this warm.   
Well, not entirely. But Patton did it with such ease, just by paying attention to him and deeming him important enough to be considered in his daily life choices. 

He didn't deserve such a good friend, at least that's what he thought. Patton wouldn't make such an effort for him if he didn't think it fit. 

The ginger man in yet another of his cat sweaters flashed him a smile, revealing his white teeth. 

"How was your day? You don't seem so happy", he said, voice thin as glass as he abandoned the cutting board and wiped his hands on the plaid apron as he approached him with a certain precision in his step. 

Logan let his shoulders slump, sighing quietly before he decided to meet Patton halfway. 

"I'm happy now that you're around", Logan spoke quietly into Patton's neck as the two shared a warm embrace that lasted for several moments.   
The taller man squeezed him and gently run a hand over his back as if to soothe out the wrinkles of of emotional uncertainties and straighten his mood.   
Funnily enough, the warmth of Patton's hand moving over his backside had Logan let out a soft sight as he melted into the accepting hug. 

Only Patton hugged like he understood all your pain.  
Only Patton gave, you embraces that traded your trouble with his undying love and passion for you and your wellbeing.   
His hugs only went as far as you let them and adjusted to your feelings. It was almost as if Logan was the only one to matter in this hug. 

"Logan, I'll always be there for you" he promised softly as his arms gently moved so he could release the reluctant nerd from his arms.   
"Please go change. I will make us some tea and if you want, we can have some cuddles later. The Prince of our dreams should be on his way, too! That means happy friend time together!" 

Patton's voice nearly flashed over into inaudible squeals as he offered Logan another freckled smile.   
The IT student returned it and straightened his posture again.   
Apparently, his life energy was back on and he felt empowered to continue his daily challenges to survive once more. 

"That sounds like an adequate plan, Patton", Logan remarked softly and turned to leave to his room.   
Once there, he noted to get a mattress ready for Virgil. It wasn't the most dignified way of sleeping but the couch didn't seem as comfortable as a mattress on the floor. 

Logan loosened his tie and glanced over it, his face softening as he fondly remembered the treasure of Patton's gift to him.   
He had never felt as liberated by a material object placed into his possessions.   
Well, almost. The key to this flat and the one before he had shared with Patton alone had been one of the most motivating things he had ever received. Up until today he had never felt quite as much joy as when he and Patton had shared another hug over their own home and first time "adulting" as Patton had phrased it. 

Logan undressed with a smile and decided to wear simple black sweatpants and one of his christmas sweaters.   
It was a special edition inspired by an artistic movement. The shapes and colours always appealed to his aesthetic standards and eased him up. Knowing that he was immersed by appreciation of culture, Logan felt comforted and understood. 

It felt silly to him to find understanding in a piece of multi-coloured fabric but Patton had insisted how feelings were valid and sometimes everyone found delight or asylum in the strangest activities or things. 

Who was to judge anyway? 

Logan pulled out one of his little notebooks and settled at his wooden desk for a moment.   
The book was a simply dark blue with a single black stripe on the left side of the hardcover. The pages inside were smooth, the yellowish tinted colour made it easier for him to read and reduced the contrast to his ink blue writing. 

Logan grabbed his ink pen and opened the journal at his last entry. His silver metal book mark was softly nudged off the page as his eyes glanced over his last entry.   
Before work he had added notes on the previous day, especially the night. The fact that Virgil would probably live with them for a while was already tattooed onto the pages. 

Soaking up the truth, the pages started accepting more ink as Logan refreshed his journal information by adding today's events to it. 

Others would call the lined piece of private information a diary but Logan didn't like the implication of it.   
While he didn't judge diaries nor their owners either, the student personally didn't associate with the ideas of writing down his feelings in a one-sided conversation like a therapy session with a wall. It made him feel like a forgotten statue in the middle of a city square that nobody spared a moment to look at. 

Logan easily finished his little entry and felt the heavy weight of burdening memories and nasty social interactions flow from his head and heart into the ink he spilled all over the pages. 

Well, tea should be ready soon and Logan only had one more little addition.   
His hands pulled out another book from his dash under literally any over piece of paper he could have found and deemed important enough to be kept in his desk's drawer.   
It slipped from his fingers and onto the table, next to the journal he had left open for the blue ink to dry into its pages. 

Logan skipped through a couple of pages - by all means, they weren't many just yet - until he found his last entry, marked with a little post he had cut into a sort of page marker. The orange paper was a stark contrast to the purple writing in his little book.   
His journal was half the size of a regular college block while this notebook was about half the journal's size. 

Logan started writing under the little category he had started on this page specifically. 

"Experiment : How to calm down Virgil   
(ticks and numbers for tested methods according to rate of success)" 

***

While Logan was writing down his observations and inferences, Roman arrived back home. 

The actor let the door click shut and immediately started taking, his feet in eternal motion as he matched forward.   
Did he stop at the door to close it or did he just walk it off until it complied and shut itself? 

"Good afternoon, mortal vessels", he exclaimed as he strode forward. 

Patton turned around from his cutting board, moving so quickly he dropped his knife and heard it rattle on its way into the metal body of the sink.   
The ginger giant wiped the juice of the cut vegetables on his white and red apron and attempted to follow Roman, calling out to him. 

"Wait, Roman!", he tried again, his voice growing thin as he attempted at catching up to him on time but the fancy man disappeared into the bathroom with a dismissive wave. 

At once, the tall statue and broad shoulders, which were hidden under the white dress shit and blue jeans he was wearing, disappeared behind the white door and Patton couldn't help but stop.   
What if Roman was changing? Or Virgil? He couldn't just chime in as well? Why didn't Virgil lock the door!? 

Silence. 

Patton didn't know what was happening behind the doors and neither was Roman when he started unbuttoning his shirt with his right while his left pulled the bathroom door by its handle until it, too, shut. 

He looked at the figure in front of him, shirtless and bending over the sink as he seemed to do something with his incredibly arms. 

OH.   
Those weren't pale arms, those were bandages.   
What did a man with bandages and no shirt on do in their bathroom? 

Virgil had looked up by now. 

The sound of Patton's repetitive calls had eventually reached him through his headphones and he had pulled them down with one hand while his teeth clenched around the last bit of bandage he had to tie together with the start of his little injury wrapping. 

When Roman entered, he had stared at him like a wild animal about to meet the headlights of a car for the first time.   
His body crouched further over his right arm as if to protect the patched up mess. He also seemed to inch behind the sink instead of vaguely standing in before it and leaning over the porcelain white half egg. 

"Patton, Logan. Why is there a shirtless emo in the bathroom?", he asked, his voice dropping down into the basement along with his tactfullness as he glanced over the man again. 

The punk - punk! not emo, tried to disappear into himself as Roman's eyes roamed over him again and he mused getting a shirt to cover up but turning around to show his back wasn't really the option.   
He couldn't lose sight of Roman. That... He just couldn't.   
On the other hand, he also couldn't really let go to get something like his jacket or the shirt he had brought to wear after his shower. The bandage still needed to be tied up and looking away wasn't going to work. 

Patton knocked on the door to let Roman know he was there and the tanned man let go off the handle he had forgotten about. 

Sure thing Patton couldn't open the door with his arm still pulling it shut. The giant might be strong enough but the door presumably wasn't. 

"Roman!", Patton complained against until he felt the pulling weight in the other side of the door being gone and he finally got to pull the door open and join in, immediately falling against the actor in his clumsy haste. 

"Patton, please don't tell me this is one of your mental house experiments again. I'm done with this. I just came from work and I need a shower, I really don't wanna deal with your self harm recovery programmes or whatever. Not right now." 

Patton looked at his roommate, his eyes nearly petrifying as he found the others face to be laced with furrowed eyebrows and a pulled together mouth, lips sharp and nose fed up. 

Virgil had taken the moment to simply throw a jacket over his body and put the first aid supplies back into the little red bag Patton had instructed him to locate and make use of in the bathroom. 

He zipped up, not caring about the loose bandage ends and instead shoved the things back into their place in the little cupboard over the sink. He shut the tiny white doors that had little white sea life painted over them and used the nearby light switch to turn off the fairy lights draped over the wooden furniture over his head. 

In mere seconds, Virgil had reduced his claimed space into the mere minimum of his slim body while Logan joined their little pity party. 

He was so glad he was at least wearing his jacket. He had wanted to wear a shirt but that level of comfort was buried beneath the weight of heavy rocks Roman had exploded into his little bed of hope as he had chimed into the room and claimed to be more significant. 

"I'm not a fucking experiment, Princey", he hissed as he held his right arm and glared liquid fire at the other man. 

Princey, that must have been the most ironic name of mockery Roman had ever been called. It definitely referred to the little crown he was proudly presenting in his nearly void black hair.   
The man in question let out a huff, his dark, curvy eyebrows creating a sharp angle to his eyes as he glared back at the intruder. 

"Excuse me, I forgot the part where I addressed you, emo nightmare!", he barked back and Virgil omniously seemed to shrink away for a moment. 

"Pardon me", a voice spoke. The soothing sound of cool water from a forest's river bled into the heated atmosphere between them and Patton stepped back to make space between him and Roman for the ever composed master head to take a moment in their space.   
"Roman, I suppose you could make space for our guest to return to his room. Virgil needs to stay with us for a little while and living together requires compromises on both sides." 

The enraged man looked at the taller nerd, a blank expression in his face as he swallowed back a compliment and gritted his teeth n  
Another huff, another step and he was out of the bathroom. The arms crossed over his chest, he glared back at the emo who ducked down and was carefully resocialised by Patton's assuring words by slow gestures. 

While the duo in the bathroom cleared up the space, Logan and Roman walked over to the latter man's room and closed the door behind them.   
Before Roman found the time to speak, Logan had already lifted his flat hand for him to indicate silence. 

Rubbing his temples with his ink-tainted finger tips, he adjusted his glasses and looked back at his other roommate. 

"Apologies for my choice of words but your actions and words were quite inadequate and had me a little....", he trailed off, looking for a suitable word to tailor his sentence according to his attention, "irritated."   
He briefly glanced at Roman and let out a sigh. 

"Patton and I wanted to ask you in peace whether you could bear with me having a guest for a few days or weeks. My friend seems to be unable to return to his previous home - I will personally stand against him pursuing any intention of going there again if I must - and needs shelter for until he has found a more appropriate residence that comes closer to valuing human dignity. "

Logan wasn't quite done as he indicated with yet another glance to Roman.   
When he wanted to, the computer enthusiast had quite the icy teacher glare in his eyes and he was less than afraid to use it.   
Roman keeps his pretty mouth shut despite his cheek bones resting back together like a proud lion brooding over a way to get a prey other than the one who had just escaped his hungry claws. 

"It would be kind of you to approve of this arrangement. While we cannot force you and would not, it could speak for your character to show some compassion for him or at least give him time to prove himself of a worthy guest.   
I will give you the benefit of the doubt and until tomorrow after work to decide. Until then, please behave. He and Patton wanted to cook and you know our Patton needs to have his down time before going to work. "

With that, Logan stopped and looked at the slightly smaller man, his icy eyes unreadable as he bore his look into the auburn orbs of the slightly exotic looking actor.   
Roman sighed and turned away. 

Logan's tension disappeared from his shoulders and he ran another hand through his dirty blonde hair. 

"Thank you for considering it Roman. I will consult him about how to lock the bathroom while we prepare dinner. Coffee will be ready for you." 

With that, Logan turned around as well and their backs faced one another for a brief moment before Logan left through the wooden door. 

Things with Roman were certainly too emotional for him to deal with. 

Logan felt a tug at his heart as he returned to the kitchen which was open to the living room and connected the three other rooms with respective little hall ways inbetween.   
It wasn't the kitchen that made him feel the weird emptiness coming back at him but it was the spacey room being void of his best friend and also free of any Virgil. The promised coming seemed off or at least delayed. 

Logan was hungry.. But the prospect of late to no food at all didn't seem to struck him with too much interest.   
He felt his heart pounding from his little outburst at Roman and the missing comfort from the others. There was no soothingly casual joke coming from Virgil and there was no soft part and cooling tide of emotions coming from Patton. 

Logan moved on his body's accord, just following patterns of routine such as visiting the bathroom for no apparent reason and doing his business before washing his hands.   
It felt dull.   
He hated the end of November. 

It was when he was about to exit the bathroom that his ears were allowed to catch a bit of the sweet sweet sound of little giggles that could only come from their pure Christian angel. 

This home's personal angel was Patton.   
He wasn't just a ginger giant and the tallest of the group, meaning he outgrew Logan and could stuck his tongue out at his nose. He was also a to-be therapist who was already accepted in a special training to get his license right after his master's thesis would be approved of.   
Logan and he were bestest friends ever since they had met and for some reason, the little sunshine had always tried to accommodate Logan, no matter how weird and shy the nerd had seemed to be. 

Patton was known to him as calmest and most soothing person.   
Whenever he was in pain, Patton seemed to ease up his burning issues and make his urge to cry disappear into thin air. 

They had grown up tigether and eventually close and when Patton went to college, he soon went after him and they moved together until they met Roman and decided to share their space. 

Patton had brought Roman into the group because Patton was the sunshine who illuminated every person on this world but even a sunshine wasn't fallible. 

Right now, it was their second year together and Logan and Roman kept colliding in harmless to slightly less harmless disputes over nothing and everything.   
He didn't even know whether Roman really enjoyed living together but sometimes.. Sometimes there were moments in which it felt as if they had known one another for lives, even longer and more than Patton and he did. But these moments disappeared as soon as they appeared and Logan was usually left feeling like this. 

But this was the end of November again so it just felt worse to him. 

He wondered whether Roman felt bad about their arguments and confrontations too.   
Sometimes Patton would scold them like an angry parent. Sometimes it would take a soft nudge from him to have both apologise.   
But.. More often than not, Roman came back and apologised and with every time he did, it felt as if there was less regret between them but, in a way, still a broader chasm. 

Maybe Logan needed to know people more. Perhaps he should try harder. 

He could ask Patton for help. Or.. Not.   
The IT student would ponder on it. 

Right now, Logan wanted to follow the heaven's bells that seemed to let their sounds echo through his home and he carefully moved out of the bathroom, his legs moving on their own.   
This time he didn't follow his prepared autopilot but his pure instinct. 

When he pushed the door out of his sight, he could see, obstacle-free.   
Virgil and Patton were together by now.   
It was odd to see so much sweater in so little room but the two seemed comfortable and he himself felt warmed from the inside just by seeing them curl into themselves in open giggles. 

Apparently, the whole thing seemed like water under the bridge for now. 

Logan carefully approached them and Patton's face lit up, his chuckling mouth retreating to a wide smile as he opened his arms. 

"Logan, did you know Virgil speaks other languages?", he asked, his eyes sparkling like puffing stars and his cheeks showing off little dimples as his skin stretched over his freckled face.   
Patton pulled at something and gave Logan a look, the glass green eyes awaiting yet promising as he stepped back and continued. 

"He is multilinguini!", he said as he pulled out a little pack of pasta and Logan honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry but his heart made a little jump and Virgil seemed to have a hard time keeping his lopsided grin hidden behind his long sleeves of the old, zipped up jacket he was wearing. 

The sound of Patton's open laughter and Virgil's muffled giggles filled Logan with warmth and he let his lips eventually deflate into the softest of smiles his dark eyes filled with a rare bonfire compassion as he nodded. 

"I'm sure he is", Logan said.   
If it made them all happy, he would let the dad joke slide for a moment.   
"But please tone down on the puns, Patton" he asked yet his smile gave him away. 

Patton's glass eyes seemed to gleam in conspiracy and he winked before turning to Virgil who clutched his stomach like an important item about to be robbed off him.   
He was struggling to stand up straight again but the massive wave of giggles roaring through his body and rattling that flesh container seemed to cease enough for him to eventually straighten his posture and riffle through his dampened hair. 

"Virgil, I am sorry about his terrible puns", Logan started with the perfect imitation of a selfsuffering frown wrinkling into his face as he attempted at sounding upright and apologetic about Patton. 

The psychology student flashed Logan a smirk that understood him and teased his dynamic enough for Virgil to ease up and gave Logan a slight nod in reply. 

"I suppose I gotta get through this", he mused, the tone of his voice experimental as he started. An eel wiggle smile was on his lips and he leaned back against the counter as of he was considering an offer and he needed to play it off as cool. But in a professional way.  
"I promised to help him and Logan", he whispered, carefully leaning in and giving Patton another side glance before he averted his gaze and looked at his colleague, "if I don't make it, at least you'll be safe from his dad jokes for another day.." 

Logan gave Virgil a stone hard look but Patton and Virgil knew the jelly beneath his pretended hardness as Logan backed away and sighed, the little smile playing on his lips never leaving. 

It had to be the warmth in this room that had Logan smile so easily as if he was butter melting in sun. 

It was the end of November and.. Logan felt like this year was even more manageable than the last one. 

"Hold on", he advised seriously and gave Virgil an approving nod before leaving again. Before he entered the bathroom to take the shower he had now realised his routine had expected him to take, he gave the two another look as Patton placed the pasta aside and Virgil pushed his sleeves up just enough for his slightly yellowish hands to show before he disappeared into the task of cutting some more peppers. 

Logan was filled with a grey fog as he descended into the shower, the door behind him locked as he moved on autopilot.   
He didn't know what it was but a certain feeling of warmth had him assume that whatever this feeling was, it had to be good rather than bad.   
If he was in any place to judge whether a feeling could have traits like this. 

***

"That was nice Patton, thank you a lot", Roman said and Logan nodded softly while Virgil was curled up in his chair under Patton's stretched out arms as the ginger pulled the dishes close to his body and carried them over to the sink. 

"Actually, Virgil did the cooking, mostly. I didn't even know about this kind of dish but we shared ideas this morning. I just assisted him a little and showed him where the things are", he clarified as he started cleaning the dishes and the punk in question carefully picked up the abandoned cups and some stray cutlery Patton had overlooked or not bothered picking up since it was clean. 

He carried the things over and added the dirty things to Patton's little pile of clean-up he had to finish before work.   
The giant gave him a bright smile and a little nod but as he tried to raise his arms from the soap water, the raising bubbles and sudden notion of wet hugs being uncomfortable made him drop his shoulders back into place. 

"Well, Virgil, thank you for turning fish into a considerable meal to eat", Logan concluded after cleaning his mouth with a little napkin.   
He, too, rose zu his feet and cleared up the other napkins to throw them away.   
It was kind of his they did things here. 

Virgil stood next to Patton. He seemed a little like Waldo but zoomed in on him and terribly out of context.   
Logan was walking over and passed him as he reached over to dispose the bundle of trash in his hands. 

Roman turned to them and eventually sighed before speaking up. 

"I'm sorry I said these mean things." 

Virgil turned around and watched the man while Patton gave a soft hum.   
Logan simply gazed over Roman, something in his strict teacher features softening. 

"I just.. Our department has budget issues and they need more money for the upcoming play and it is cool that we are all trying to make the best of it but not enough people fund us or visit the performances so everyone's bonus money is delayed until after New Year's Eve. I don't know whether I can go back for the holidays and be with my family and I'm stressed and upset about that. "

He sighed again, his hands holding his forehead as he pushed his hair out of his face again. 

" But that isn't your fault and I shouldn't have been like this to you just because I'm stressed and I'm sorry. "

Virgil stated at the other for a while and his lips seemed heavier than led as his wary orbs eyed the miserable blop of arbitrariness at the table.   
His mind played ping pong with ideas from storming off over shrugging at him to just saying" whatever ".   
All the while, his mind screeched red blinking warnings at him that popped up like a bunch of porn ads when visiting these shady websites for pirating a game or show. 

The guest simply turned around to start drying the dishes Patton had left on the rack to simply finish themselves. But the friendly giant didn't protest. He respected the tension in the room and carefully nudged Virgil's left shoulder instead.   
For some reason, Virgil was standing to Patton's right instead of the left which would have been right before the drying rack where Logan was standing.   
The nerd noted the action with his calculating eyes. 

Virgil needed to keep his hands busy, his right half covered in his purple black wretched jacket that looked more like hand dyed plaid patches than the original piece of clothing. Maybe the sewing streaks were all to keep it together. But they seemed to collectively make up a sort of aesthetic that seemed to fit Virgil's usually black lines eyes and the purple hair. 

"Did you try fundraising with something like a baking sale or just asking for apprentices, trainees or volunteer workers to help out?"   
The punk turned around but barely acknowledged that Roman had shifted into a rather upright position in order to sink his auburn eyes into his soul.   
" I mean, I don't know what the fuck you're doing anyway or where but maybe that could help. "

He shrugged again and Roman opened his eyes as Virgil turned back to the drying cutlery he seemed in need to dry.   
The little guy thre another glance over his shoulder but didn't spare Roman another look after this.   
His honey eyes were trained in the task at hand, literally. Meanwhile, Logan had decided to put the plates back into their original spot in the cupboard. 

"I mean.. I-I could ask my boss and just propose those ideas. It's better than not un t but I don't know whether it can change a thing." 

Roman fidgeted with his hands as the merciless back faced his pleading face.   
This guy was new to him and so was the situation. 

Finally, Patton chimed in. 

" We could organise a baking sale! Aw, that'd would be so cool! ", he squealed out in excitement. The ginger clapped his hands together and his race looked like a fit up birthday cake with tons of candles.   
"I could bake with you or alone - you don't have to! But it would be so cool because Christmas is coming up anyway and I reeeally wanna bake biscuits and decorate gingerpals!" 

Logan placed his hands on Patton's shoulders and carefully tugged him from the kitchen and over to his room. 

" Patton, let us talk about Christmas baking when the time has come. For now, we shouldn't hold you off getting to work. "

The walking hug sweater of pastel quickly nodded and disappeared into his room before he came out just a few moments after, a sports bag strapped over his shoulder. 

What kind of work required him to come in late anyway? Was he a host or server or something? Maybe a bouncer but he didn't look intimidating enough.   
Then again, Virgil didn't know him enough to be able to judge this. 

Instead, he waved and Patton pulled everyone into a hug, even lifting the sitting Roman a little in the process before leaving with another cheerful sound of affection. 

This man was like a marshmallow snowflake in human form but with natural freckles and a lot of fairy lights. 

"We can have a film night this weekend! Love you, kids! Don't stay up too long!" 

And with that, the sweater man was gone. 

Even after the hug Virgil was burning inside and he felt somewhat sick of humanity.   
Maybe he did have too much interaction with more or less strangers for the day. University and all the stress paired with these situations really had him exhausted. 

Or so he thought. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! I have started working on the next chapter already! And if you are old enough to read mature content, then I will have nice treats for you soon!  
> Until then, stay tuned and have fun! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!   
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and support me and my work ♥ I also have a KoFI


	6. The dynamite next to the open flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has reflection time wth a friend. Patton comes home from work and Roman is worried about his social skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No special warnings should apply for this one (well, there is an OC present but that is about it)! if i miss anything you would like me to tag, please let me know in the comments or on my tumblr c: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spacegaywritings
> 
> Enjoy reading ♥

It was dark outside.   
The sky was slowly merging into a slightly more azure colour that almost edged into a hue of camel yellow. 

Dreams and wonder were floating in the air. The silence seemed to whisper of promises about strange worlds and better homes.   
But nobody talked at all. 

Virgil was curled up on his mattress to the feet of Logan's bed. The latter was also very much fast asleep. 

Both probably dreamed of nice calming things. The end of exams, the successful graduation. The smell of freshly baked biscuits made in collective family activities when Christmas was just around the corner. 

The dreams were so close yet so far away. The peace in the small room was heavy on them like a weighted blanket tucking them in and keeping them not just warm but also safe. Almost like an embrace.   
Sheltered. 

It was amidst the deep slumber the two students were in, that a sound started ringing through the air. 

Vibration and the tunes of drums being hit and guitar strings being strummed could be heard. The noisy sounds ripped through the calm and the figure on the bed started moving a little while the little bundle of the mattress latched himself over the screen that started lighting up. 

Fuck, it was time. 

In a rush, he quickly took his phone and clothing and - as silently as possible, moved out of the room.   
His hand sobered the speaker and quickly shut the door behind him.  
Virgil carefully balanced the clothes in his arms to the other side and answered the phone with his left while he walked over to the bathroom, flipping the switch and disappearing with the door being pulled shut by his right elbow which he pressed down onto the handle ungracefully. 

The door shut down and Virgil walked over to the sink to drop his clothing into it. 

"Hey. Sorry, I overslept", he apologised as the call started. The punk's voice was a slightly hushed whisper, akin to a later autumn breeze.   
His feet walked over to the door to make the lock click shut. 

Maybe Princey was asleep but he didn't need to challenge another time to have this shit happen like the last time. And he was scared of meeting him by himself. 

The voice on the other side of the phon let out a little chuckle.   
"Just text me where to go to. You told me you kinda moved", the friend asked and Virgil nodded as he undressed and somewhat dressed up.   
He had only one hand so it was a lot of hopping into clothing and sinking down onto the bath tub and awkwardly adjusting one side, then the other, then the original one and the other again until he was fully clothed around his leg area.   
Socks were on and his shoes were at the front door where Patton looked to keep them in order to have the floor stay clean. 

"Moved? Oh, yeah. Sure. Give me a moment", he mumbled and hung up.   
He placed his phone aside and slipped into his shirt.   
There was no jacket this time. It might be cold outside but it wasn't the right time for a jacket now. 

His fingers quickly grabbed the phone again and danced over the touchscreen, typing his little message.   
The tapping sound coming from this action sounded like the delicate tip tap of average rain drops plopping agaaint the barrier of a closed window when they only tried to get into the warmth of someone's safe space. 

Message sent and phone pocketed, he quickly got around to wash his face and brush his teeth before he heard a thumping sound.   
Were the neighbours awake? 

A rush of speedy lightning shot through his body as he heard a knock on the door.   
Patton was still at work. Apparently he hallways took night shifts to have more time to spend on his research group and writing his postgraduate dissertation.   
Roman started kind of late at work but you usually heard and felt him being awake because of his presence.   
Logan was still asleep and if he wasn't, then he wouldn't knock because he would have the common sense to see the light under the bathroom door. 

Virgil picked his things and mentally scraped together single sentence snippets to make up a panicked apology in case it was Roman.   
The idea of meeting him alone pushed his breathing into flat, thin sucks for oxygen in the air. 

He slowly approached the door.   
Another knock.   
.... THAT WAS NOT ON THE BATHROOM DOOR! 

Virgil felt his breath speed up rapidly and he stared at the bathroom door, unmoving and steady as always.   
This door wasn't moved from knocks and there was no sound to it, no other person. 

Maybe... Maybe someone was trying to get into the apartment?   
It could.. It could be Patton! Patton may have left his keys inside! 

Virgil exited the bathroom, turning off the light and quickly grabbed his phone with his right. He clicked onto torch and snuck over to the front door, carefully opening it. 

That... That wasn't Patton. 

His breath caught tangled up like long curly hair of a wig after merely looking at it. It ky took him a moment to release his breath and a tension flew from him when he hunched over, scoffing until his giggles got the best of him. 

"Virgil, what the fuck?", the smaller person said, their pumpkin coloured hair thin and reaching down to their shoulders only and ending in fuchsia tips.   
The person looked around and pushed the door further away, curiously looking into the dark room that was their living room and kitchen.   
The sterily white light from Virgil's phone illuminated the visible parts of the apartment and his friend frowned down at him. 

"I told you to give me the address. What did you expect? A stone to your window?", they whisper yelled, the voice a soft echo of a delicate lily, "I don't even know which of the rooms is yours!" 

Virgil shook his head and reached for the keys in the little key bowl.   
Patton had gotten him a key on the first day even before Roman said he would allow him to stay for a day let alone longer than that. 

He was sur he just let him stay for a while because of the financial issues that went with that implication. And Virgil very much did pay a fourth of bills and such.   
It was so much cheaper and nicer than his previous home... 

However, he did not have his own room and it wasn't so ideal but he was too stubborn to have something else. And too dignified to return.   
Actually, he had visited the police the day before and he was rather sure that going back was sort of impossible. 

The punk pushed through the door and quickly grabbed his shoes with his right hand while his other shooshed his friend from the frame and pulled the door shut. 

"I didn't expect you to be so fucking fast", Virgil admitted. 

He squatted down to slip onto his shoes and pocket his keys before he made his way down with his friend so they could get out of the multi story house. 

"Vi, you absolute idiot. My fiance lives right above you, on the second floor. I spent the night at hers", the pumpkin head answered and hopped down the stairs, opening the door and letting the icy breeze of the night into the building. 

The adolesecent stepped outside, following them and instinctively crossing his arms in front of his thinly covered chest.   
Maybe the missing jacket was kind of stupid after all. It was rather early after all and the morning was still far away even though the starts of more azure shades already teased the idea of an approaching morning.   
Knowing the winter nights, he knew it would take hour to really start getting light enough to feel a difference to the everlasting winter night that rested over the world during these days. 

"What the actual fuck. You gave me a fucking heart attack with that!!", Virgil finally admitted, his volume matching the regular person speech by now since they were outside and not exactly in a building of sleeping people.   
It was okay to talk outside. That was what the streets were made for after all, right? 

" Huh, why?" 

Virgil started rubbing his arms and gestured towards the street as a car started pulling up right in front of them. 

Well now. This had to be Patton. He hadn't been too far off. 

The car seemed rather great. Middle sized and all but size Virgil didn't know too much about local brands and honestly didn't care too much about cars anyway, considering he didn't have a license anyway, he had no idea what to make of this.   
Anyway, Patton got out, the headlights turned off and for the first time, his new roommate met more than just Virgil but also one of his friends. 

The car door was shut with a rather silent plop sound and the walking hug walked around the car, the tight jawline and prominent freckles appearing in their field of vision.   
The usual smile looked rather strained and a Patton's eyebrows narrowed in that way that nurturing caretakers did when their little protectees were crying for what seemed to be no reason. 

The ginger giant approached them and Virgil's friend. The latter moved in front of Virgil like a right hand man would.   
A loyal shield indeed. 

"Virgil? Good morning", Patton slurred softly, his stance a little wavering.   
He smelled of a bit of sweat but this was just the underlying note. Patton mostly smelled if alcohol and strong perfumes yet they seemed to be different ones. 

Once again, his mind assumed him to be a bartender of some sort or maybe a bouncer with that killer appearance.   
Patton looked like a waking hug but when dressed in anything other than his soft sweaters, Virgil has learned that the soft student was more than enough able to intimidate someone with his outer appearance. 

The man yawned and his his gaping mouth behind his large hand - also slightly freckled and somewhat pale with a rose tone to it.   
Virgil smiled and nodded at the obviously tired man. Working all night must have been a strain, especially after being awake during most of the day as well. 

"Hey, I wanted to go for a run with a friend. Uhh...", Virgil stopped for a moment and looked over at the little dwarf before him.   
Literally, he had always thought a person even tinier than him was impossible but their height was truly misleading. 

"Kyle", they introduced themselves with a side glance to Virgil before waving at Patton.   
A serious expression was in their usually softly features. Their rather delicate face was looking like a mask of a serious soldier preparing for battle. 

Patton looked down at the person, a bit taken aback but he let the perplexed expression disappear being his understanding face with a smile that gave you a mental hug and the reassurance your heart asked for. 

"Nice to meet you, Kyle. I am Patton and I live with Virgil. I hope you'll have fun together. I'll go to sleep because I just came from work", Patton explained and squeezed his cheeks into a soft grandparents expression as he curled his lips further into an even deeper smile. 

Kyle's expression wavered a bit and they nodded, their shoulders untensing. 

"Good night, Patton."

Virgil joined in and gave Patton a little smile.   
The usual soft hug was skipped over. 

"Hey Virgil.. I'll hug you later. Ill just shower and hop under my covers first", he explained and smiled back at his small friend. The height difference was a true joke.   
"And please go inside or take a jacket, you look really cold!", Patton advised again before taking his sports bag and carrying it over to the house door. 

He disappeared with the jingling of his keys and the thud of a shutting door. 

Kyle gave Virgil a look and smirked. 

" Alright my gay disaster, let's get you worked up with some work out. You already seem pretty warmed up from all that affection." 

And with that, they started running, Virgil quick to follow suit and catch up to their quick speed. 

His arms were not covered in bandages anymore so it was finally time for his usual runs. And oh, had he missed the burning in his lungs and the elevated feeling of flying through the streets with a friend by his sides.   
The little high of running beyond his original ability and energy would eventually come, kick his resistance down and give him the dopamine he needed in life. 

"So, spill the tea. How's living with your peers?" 

Virgil glanced over at his friend as they jogged through the streets. He had taken some days to have his arms recover (because they insisted on giving him a break) and now he felt a little overwhelmed without the routine of having a run with them every other day. 

The streets and buildings passed and since this was the first time running in this neighbourhood, he just wondered where they were going and whether they knew about any places or parks around.   
Well, he'd find out but Kyle was usually a person to surprise him. And others. Generally, they were this kind of person to seem like one thing but actually be a whole other personality. 

"Well", he started, taking as much of a deep breath as he could.   
Virgil wasn't so sure.. Patton was nice and Logan was retreated, like him, but he was rather kind and understanding and seemed almost to try too hard to have him comfortable. Almost like some couple of Foster parents who didn't know how to handle the new child just yet.   
"I mean, Patton.. You just met him. He's like a dad and really nice. I don't need a dad, you know but um.. It's just nice to have someone be attentive and caring. I wish all people were like thag.. Just, giving you some space and all and being kinda respectful. "

Virgil shrugged.   
There was Roman.. He didn't know how to talk about Roman. 

" You're not just living with Patton. You said something about your colleague from work. That guy has gotta be a saint if he just takes you in without ever spending too much time with you outside of work.. I mean, people usually stray from being that welcoming and such. "

Kyle looked at him, their grey eyes seemed to see something in Virgil that he himself didn't see. It was like analysing a work or art but in a way the common dork didn't see yet the trained eye was just so used to these hidden truths that he felt himself being taken apart and read like a book - page by page. 

Truths were clear and lies would be detected like drugs in a plush toy by the airport security.   
Not that he needed to hide anything. Way too much work, anyway. 

"Um, I guess Logan is alright. I mean, he started this while thing and all and I'm really glad because he didn't have to but he did.. He kinda really kicked my ass into some realisation and self care and I bet if he hadn't done that, you'd have by the next day, latest. "  
Virgil looked at the passing ground below his feet and slowed a little. 

All this talking had him breathless and he needed to inhale more and talk less.   
Seriously, how did Kyle do that?   
Then again, they worked out more than he did. He just ran with them and he had only started a few months ago (but it really did help).   
Anyway, they kept saying that the ideal running pace was when you could still talk because it meant you could comfortably breathe enough to have excess oxygen for some blabbering. 

Kyle muttered under their breath and waved Virgil over as they prepared to cross the street with him and made sure the road was clear before they ran to the other side together.   
A park.   
There was actually a park! So they did know their way around here. Well, that wasn't too surprising given that their girlfriend lived here or something. At least that what Kyle had said. 

"Something is off. Logan is nice but he's kinda tense. Maybe it's exams and all that, uh.. That Christmas thing or whatever. I mean, isn't that sorta stressful? I don't know, never really did that", he explained. His shoulders pulled up into a shrug and he looked at the passing green fields and many trees.   
The absence of car noise and people walking around in early aimlessness and disorientation was less common and it sort of eased him up. 

Even the air seemed clearer.   
The nearby park felt much more like a forest than a little park and it was.. Nice.. It was nice to be outside and have someone with him and have no people around at this moment. 

Logan was nice. Patton was great. Both were great but he wasn't use to as much... As much social interaction.. Not without any cool down time. 

"Hey little riot, you do know I know how many people are living in the the fucking house?" 

Virgil looked over at his friend, a smile on his lips that seemed just as apologetic as surprised. There was a hint or exhaustion in him. 

Fuck, running.. They had been running for several minutes now. Maybe ten or fifteen only but he just wasn't so used to it and all that traffic had offended his little lung capacity.   
His lungs were burning but his friend and he weren't done. This was only half of it and there was much more to go for. 

OH dear spider god, they were speeding up... They were speeding up! 

His heavy legs slowly adjusted to his friend who started picking up the force of running and it started going uphill.. Oh why.. Oh why. 

"Yeah, sure i.. I didn't know but like.. Okay, there's one more, just let me", he breathed out and inhaled more.   
This was torture. Why did he run again? Fuck, this was stinging ugly and the icy air in his lungs didn't make it better because it made his throat feel icky and like something in there was pushing against his skin, trying to get out of his throat.   
It felt strange. 

"uh... There's Roman.. Why did you pick this fucking hill", he admitted, his voice breathless but they kept running. 

The punk didn't know whether it was getting easier or harder for him to keep up. 

"Roman is... I don't know",he said and shrugged. Sweat was coating his skin by now despite the icy air biting into his exposed airs like little bugs.   
His head looked at the ground. It felt like he was being pushed and he was flying again rather than dragging himself over the ground in order to stay next to the little pumpkin head. 

Did all artists looked weird like he and they did? Dyed hair and weird clothing that just earned them strange looks. 

"I get odd vibes.. I think I met him before, uhh.."   
Virgil looked at Kyle and picked up the speed.   
His legs felt like sort of funny but much lighter by now like he had funny wings around his ankles. 

The smaller student let out a scoff but followed suit.   
The sky before them was slowly rolling from blue into a more greenish tone, like an ocean wave changing its colour in the alternating light. 

"Was he kinda like one of my little mistakes? But, you know, your mistake?", they asked eventually.   
Their eyes wandered over Virgil's running form as they quickly moved to catch up to the small man. 

The art student was breathing more heavily and shook his head albeit a somewhat defeated look pulled down his features and his golden brown eyes scanned the ground that was passing by like time during leisure activities. 

"I'm...I mean.. Yes?", he mumbled softly and shook his head, a flushing crimson creeping ont his cheeks.   
"I don't know.. How to call that.. Him..." 

The two kept running after that, the speed going up and down but the conversation was left behind like an abandoned life choice. 

It was about another twenty minutes later until they stopped, Kyle having lead them to a little café to enjoy some breakfast. 

The two settled in the small place, both red and sweaty as well as bitten numb by the merciless cold out in the world. 

Virgil curled up on the sitting bench with Kyle and the two breathed heavily from their exhaustion.   
"Worth it, little riot", they hummed softly and pushed the menu over to their friend who was inhaling the warm air around him like his life depended on it.   
"Do you need more time? Or help?" 

He carefully shook his head and closed his eyes.   
His lungs were still burning. They felt flaccid and weakened from the incredible strain but he was still content.   
The punk's face was crunched up in soft delight and his lips were tugged into a soft smile as he curled up and leaned against his friend. 

" 'm good...", he breathed softly and chuckled ever so lightly. His voice was full of holes from his missing breath.   
"... Fine."   
Virgil rested against his friend's shoulder whine they patiently placed an arm around the slightly shivering youth as they both waited for his lungs to recover and breathe to fill with the sweet sweet relief of oxygen again. 

Several more minutes went by before Virgil opened his eyes again and mumbled something.   
Kyle got up and ordered some water and breakfast for them before returning and cradling Virgil close again. 

"Now listen up. I don't know what happened exactly but if anyone lays hand on you, you know how to reach me. You know where and I and Armada live. Now, you also know that you just gotta climb to the top story of where you live to get to Jo. We'll take care of you whenever you need it. "

A server came, dressed in black and white and a brown apron with a sunflower yellow stitching on the left side to it. The water was placed onto their table in two medium sized cups and they were left in their dual-solitude once more with the warm smiled yet rushed promise of the rest of their order soon. 

Virgil asked for hot chocolate and the pumpkin haired beauty next to him chuckled into their olive-tanned elbow. 

"You're the cutest little shit ever", they stated and tested their orange mane against Virgil's purple hair.   
His head shook in objection but the movement was minimal enough to count as mere disturbance to their current position if regaining their energy. 

"I'm lucky to be here..", he mumbled and brushed over his left arm.   
The cool skin was gradually defrosting like the sun baking the frozen grass and turning the whitish veil into dew in the early morning hours.   
Coloured ink and black swirls curled over his upper arm and shoulder. An elaborate amount of curves seemed to collectively make up a scaled snake that was buried in his skin and visible whenever he wore anything shorter than long sleeves that reached down to his elbow.   
The greenish colour sparks and crystal like hue combinations gave the snake a realistic look, almost as if it was about to slither around his biceps and slide down his wrist. 

But this tattoo looked about the most dangerous whenever someone glanced over Virgil's appearance. And, well, that wasn't too wrong. 

"We're all lucky to have met you. But you're anything else other than lucky, rather since you tried your hardest to move on and you, frankly, deserve some reward for all you had to go through."   
Kyle sighed and carefully squeezed Virgil's side before the making some space between them so they could nudge him. 

The minor got the clue and nodded softly before taking on the task of drinking some water.   
The cool liquid had made a sweaty film of cooling water appear on the outside skin of the glass.   
Virgil's left curled around the cup and chased the milky cover away with his little touches as he brought the container to his pale lips and angled it so the cooling liquid could run down pipe and hydrate his abstained body. 

"Please don't tell me you forgot drinking was a thing, oh dear moon, you're funny, Vivi", they chuckled softly and grasped the cup with their own right to take a few sips.   
Virgil had already downed his water completely and Kyle pushed their own cup over to Virgil's side with a little smile.   
"Go on, little one", they encouraged. 

Virgil scoffed but accepted the cup with a smile.   
"You know you're smaller than me. In size and height. And you're also younger than me", he argued before picking up the water and gulping it down at once.   
The soothing liquid seemed to settle his lungs at once.   
It wasn't just the breathing but apparently his lack of hydration had him quite weakened previously. 

''Now, listen kid. I love you and all but you have something on your mind and we will get to it whenever you are ready but until then, you know where I live and Josy is just above your head. You can always come to any of us, no matter what and if it is just being mad about a crumbled piece of paper or if you feel like taking down the government. I am your partner in crime and if someone comes to close to you, I will give them nice face stickers with my fist.''

Virgil smiled. This was so nice.. he knew that, he had known that even before but hearing it again just filled his heart with warmth.  
It was nice to be reminded of being loved and appreciated. To know that someone was out there caring about him.

''You got some time tonight or tomorrow night? We still need some time to work on your self-defense skills, preferably without breaking someone's nose this time~''

The two giggled and the server came over to bring the hot chocolate over.  
Virgil has never seen a person leave as quickly and look just so horrified without too much context going on.

Drinking a hot beverage together with someone who cared about you made the drink taste even sweeter. It was, in fact, nearly sweet enough to make him cry.  
His heart was certainly sobbing in the touchiness of the moment. Never had he dreamed of situations like this to be appropriate to his life.

The punk was sitting in a cafe, in a morning before his university class, a friend with him and they just finished jogging and now shared some steaming cocoa.  
Sweeter than any other word was the gesture between them.

***

Virgil sighed when the door behind him shut with a click.  
It was nice to be social in the morning and run around like crazy but he felt a little lightheaded still. 

It was time for breakfast.

but.. he also needed to shower. 

His mind debated on which to do first as he checked out the fridge. Maybe there was something he could eat while taking a shower like an apple or perhaps there could be found a piece of bread to snack on in order to satisfy his hunger and stabilise his circulation.  
Stomach growling and hands on a pepper, he retreated from the fridge and shut the door once more.

''Good morning, stormy knight, how-'', a voice started and he suddenly realised just how much he had ignored his surroundings when he had been so deep in thought, so distracted and absorbed in thinking and deciding.  
Roman had busted out of his room with one single movement and he was standing before his opened door with a dramatic pose, almost as if ready to slay a dragon.

This guy took ''seize the day'' way too serious. No matter how Roman he was, the was absolutely no reason to be so energetic and put it into people's faces with all that shiny, gooey ''carpe diem''.  
Yes, Yes Virgil very much knew the Latin origin of this proverb because he sometimes did have common sense or read a book or more.

He was frozen, however, his graceful and proud stance wavering as he looked at Virgil, his eyes stripping him off his comfort.  
Something was on his mind and his face showed it with the nose that was slightly scrunched up and his auburn eyes seemed just a tad squeezed together. His mouth was slightly pursed up in a way that made Virgil think he was about to spit out some mean words.

A deep rush of cold settled into his body and suddenly he regretted not just having rushed into his shared room with Logan just to get his jacket that he should have taken with him even in the morning.

''Virgil, honestly, I do not mind your presence'', he started and the guest felt his mood turn sour.

He turned back to the sink and washed his green pepper before he dried the vegetable and bit into it with unimpressed eyes.   
A bitter taste flooded his tongue but his face remained untouched still life

The pepper was about as shallow as Roman seemed to him so he simply shrugged at him, his golden eyes glaring at the rude implication of whatever he presumed was about to come. It certainly did not seem to be a precious nice thing Roman had sprawled over on his tongue. Words draped delicately, nearly like decoration but Virgil knew them to be the poison that was produced by the actor's evil tongue.

He swallowed.  
Now, the deep breeze of inner cold seemed to glow into the catastrophe of a wildfire. Once his chest was warm, the heat increased and jumped into his arms, bouncing right into his fingertips where the discomfort of intruding beats and punches teased his tactile touch.  
The familiar feeling of acidic adrenaline forcefully breached through his veins and his grip on the pepper seemed so foreign and strange all of a sudden, as if the extension of his body was, in fact, not his but a thing without any connection to his body at all.

''Listen, I do not need any comment for the morning because I am having a moment with myself. Just leave me be and I will be out for class in a few.''

Roman dropped his hands and looked at his sworn enemy, his eyes an unreadable mix of dark, nearly reddish brown. It resembled the glowing ember buried under half-burned logs of forest wood.

''I just wanted to tell you that you smelled horribly, I mean- I do no mean that in a mean way, please let me talk'', he continued anyway, his mouth just going on despite the warning, ''are you okay? Did you have a long night or anything?''

Virgil bit into the pepper again as he passed him, aiming for the bathroom door he knew was a safe space, at last. The vegetable cracked and crunched under the pressure of his teeth and he gave Roman a cold look.

''Yes, it is called morning work out, Princey. Maybe that would do you some good, huh?''

The art student let himself into the bathroom and shut the door tight, locking it up and jumping into the shower.  
He did not have towels, right? Well, Patton usually kept enough in the room but that did not solve his even better issue: Clothing was with Logan and that man was fast asleep still and did not have to wake up to Roman and him arguing yet again - exactly what would happen if he stayed outside just even for another moment.

Virgil took another large bite of his pepper. It tasted of nothing.

Well, fuck.

Virgil was trapped in the bathroom but at least, he could take a shower in the mean time and hope for Roman to be distracted at the moment of him leaving the bathroom and resurfacing from behind the door that shielded his despair at the moment.  
Well, there was not much to do but .. wait, a distraction should do! Maybe Logan would wake up until then and he would be able to sneak back into the room without too much trouble.

He just really did not feel like being completely nude before the self-declared princey or whatever.

Ugh, well. Whatever.

He got his butt naked. As he stripped himself off the garment that protected the sight on his skin that somewhat seemed too yellow and dark for a regular person from this area, he realised that his phone was still with him.

A smile spread over his face as he unlocked it and typed away on it before he dismissed the device and got his sweaty body into the shower. The rest of his bell pepper was with him, still.

***

Roman was still rather... unnerved, to express his feelings in a rather neutral way. Patton believed that positive words for feelings and less negatively charged terms would go easier on the mood. Especially when sad, these words were supposed to take the intensity of the emotions away. Of course, only if that was the sense of the talk in the first place. When it was about showing just how distressed you felt at this very moment or about a certain situation, then all the words were fine. But Roman did not need a situational assessment of his feelings right now.

It had been a few days already - actually, it had been nearly a week and he still felt like on the first day. Was Virgil still angry at him because of his first comments when they had met? He did not know but if so, he had tried to apologise and not just once. He had done it alone with him but the emo would just look as if he was about to be stabbed and whatever.  
Come on, maybe the thespian was taller and had broader shoulders but that was because of theatre and exercise and not because he wanted to eat Virgil alive! He was not interested in hurting the other and he had told him that as well! He had tried his best to get along with him but he just did not know how to approach the new roommate in ways that would make it somewhat okay for them to interact. Or at least more likely to have regular exchanges. Like normal people did.

It felt almost as if.. even the slightest word into his direction broke off a fight and triggered his opponent in ways that Roman could not grasp. Did he hurt him so much during their first exchange?

Roman sipped his coffee and sighed into his steaming mug. The heat entering his system left him smile.  
At least the bitterness of his beverage would be proportional to the amount of coffee and water he used in order to make it. His coffee was predictable and logical.

Maybe that was why Logan enjoyed programming and his whole IT stuff. It was something that worked according to known rules and expectations.

The theatre lover put his mug down as he sat alone at the table in the kitchen.  
He could ask Patton for advice on this. Sure, he has never been the best with people since he just tended to impulsively talk without further thinking or literally any filter but he was not that bad and he certainly had improved! When he and Logan had first met, they had alternated between sworn enemies and mutually tolerated disasters.

It was like a bad smell you just get used to but instead, the two kinda turned their attitude to the smell to a much more enduring one and now it was like they enjoyed each other’s company. At least like 49% of the time. But it was much better than before!

What if Roman was the problem ? What if he was the one who made social interactions end up in the most terrible situations possible?

Ugh, no. Cognitive distortions or whatever Logan would say about these things. Patton had taught him that, he was sure.

Man, seriously, he got along with other people so much better- maybe it was really just a matter of time and bonding. Patton had suggested a film night exactly this evening and maybe that would fix up some things and make living together easier.  
Logan and he certainly had profited from sitting together and enjoying some productions together. In the years they had lived together, even Logan had come to watch some of his plays (as much as he had managed to attend but he usually paid one visit at least).

He remembered how Logan had congratulated him with his usually stoic face that was ruined by little smiles and adorable cackles.  
After his first show Logan had attended, he had made sure to get free tickets for Patton and Logan for at least one show (usually the debut) that fitted their schedules. And it had become a tradition to go out for a late-night dinner after that and discuss the execution of performance, the costumes and the accuracy of certain lines and emotions or about the authors and the era.

He did not say it out loud but Logan was much better at literature than he presented himself to be but being a librarian and an in-door nerd probably had its perks of teaching the other some literature.

Roman would never forget the glistening sugar in Logan’s fierce eyes of endless night skies when hey had discussed his first performance. This had been the day Roman had not just received the sweetness of Logan’s admiration and praise but also the admirable fire of his passion.  
It was the night he had debated with Logan for the first time and Patton had watched them in awe and thrown questions of clarification and genuine curiosity at them.

It had been a festival of interests and fireworks of historical knowledge with special regard to literature and symbolism.

Speaking of which, Logan was still not up.

After the day Virgil had officially moved in for a period of trial, Logan and he had not gotten into too many conversations.  
While he knew that Logan and he were not best friends like either one of them was close to Patton - just as example - he also knew that there had been something in this exchange between the two when Logan had fired his cold arguments at him without hesitation or consideration.

Well, he had not been that soft with Virgil either so maybe he had deserved that. Probably, very much likely he had deserved it with the soft talks and gazes Patton had chastised him with but... but he had the feeling that Logan and Virgil were more than just roommates.  
He had not once seen the nerd get so upset over something..

Well, actually that was not too true. He had experienced him pretty upset at Patton the other year and up until now he still did not know what had happened between the two but the exchange left him in the brutal tension of an unspoken gunfire between the two. It had been like the cold war of a subtle divorce when parents thought the kid was too self-absorbed and immature to notice the change in atmosphere.

It took only some more minutes for Logan to leave his room. Roman could have mistaken him for a corpse but experience has taught him better than to make any rude comment about that. Not that Logan cared too much about his experience but living with him and Patton, he just knew that Logan seemed to get iffy about too much concern being sent his way.  
Patton had once told him that he looked pretty tired in the first year they started sharing a flat. After that, they had only had arguments and sometimes it felt like the cracks in their relationships still were not fixed.  
But that might just be Roman being sensitive or whatever.

 

The two greeted each other and silently exchanged some usual morning banter without any enthusiasm.  
Maybe he could not say that Logan looked dead but talking to him certainly felt like a thirsty person arriving at a fountain only to find the area to be desolated and dried up.

Roman shivered when he felt Logan's bloodshot eyes pierce into his soul.

He had never been so relieved about the door bell ringing and at some point, Virgil joining just to remind the nerd that they would work together again. They left together and Roman was abandoned, feeling as if he was about to drown as the emotions around him sucked him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter ☻♥ I am already working on the next chapters so I will be able to update during my exam phase.
> 
> Consider kudos and comments if you like my work c: 
> 
> Other than that, have a great day ♥


	7. Of Family and other Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's nightmares happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! This is a REALLY long one (about 11k) so happy winter time and please survive your exams♥ Have some angst on the way :D
> 
> tw: food/eating, talks about suicide and guilt and self-blaming and pedophilia/CSA. nightmares (with dying/burying alive metaphor)
> 
> This is pretty intense and sensitive!! Read at your own risk! If you cannot read it, I can give you a trigger free summary on my writing Tumblr. If you think any tags are missing or you would like me tag sth in particular, please feel free to ask.

 Logan felt his lips freeze.  
   
The situation before him felt oddly appalling, despite Patton being before him.  
He was always a tad too affectionate for Logan’s personal comfort but it was never quite too much and they both had learned that the IT student would voice his displeasure and demand more space to be between them instead of them being a space that was filled out.  
   
The two were sitting together on the couch, the clock in the warm living-room was ticking with an unusually high volume.  
It was quite disruptive.  
Logan had trouble focusing on the silly cartoon before him. Honestly, he had never quite liked them too much. To be frank, he found himself to detest these shows completely despite him being able to name quite why the delight he used to have taken in those was suddenly so shallow.  
   
They were like an apple he had bitten into. Red and tight in his hands. So full and robust but when his teeth would break through the candy red blush of the fruit, he tasted mold and dust.  
He was left with the taste of decomposition and nothing in his mouth.  
   
Something had turned his delight into a nightmare, a product of disgust and nothing but retching could be detected within him whenever he saw the bright pictures of too round faces and smooth animations.  
Something about these holy worlds and the wholesome story lines seemed to disturb him. It was shaking him to the core and it was.. deeply unsettling to say at last.  
   
He pushed his hands into his thighs and slid them over to his knees where he pressed his thumbs into his skin.  
For no reason, he was wearing shorts.  
Was it bed time? It felt like bed time. Why else would he wear shorts in the commons.  
   
It was just then that his eyes caught sight of the sofa they were on.  
They were not in the commons, they were not on their usual couch. This was another place and even the TV seemed so much older. It seemed like a decade ago, maybe even two, when people had bought and used these big blocks of black screens that seemed to use magic in order to display moving pictures with so many colours and so much sound.  
   
The nerd shifted.  
   
‘’Patton, perhaps we should switch channels, should we not?’’, he suggested. His voice was meek and his mouth felt dry.  
   
If he did not know better, he would think himself to be a wooden clock. Hollow on the inside, thick layer of wood on the outside.  
All he felt was the ticking against his lungs, the steady throbbing of his pained heart.  
His biological alarm clock stunk of adrenaline and it tasted of more and more empty disgust.  
   
His roommate next to him let out a deep chuckle.  
Normally, he would giggle and give him the remote but today felt different, today seemed so off.  
   
Where was Roman?  
   
Why was his uncle not here, why were his parents not here?  
   
Actually, now that he focused on it, it seemed as if he could hear the distant chattering, the clinging of glass cups crushing together and the light-hearted giggles of his mother at ease whenever she was with her brother.  
He liked his uncle. His uncle was nice.  
   
But why was Patton here with him? Did they finish playing on the swing? Mom did not like him being so much inside when he had a friend and could do so much better than watch cartoons.  
Maybe Patton was over for a sleepover?  
   
Logan turned to face the kitchen that was just next-doors. He was ready to call out for his mom but a certain sensation stopped him.  
A hand was on his thigh and pressed into his flesh. The touch was uncomfortable, it forced a cold into him that Patton did not have.  
‘’Loganberry, you wanted to play with me. You promised!’’, the other cried out in a drastic voice before he chuckled again. The sound snuck into his marrow and rattled his comfort again.  
   
Patton did not call him that-  
   
‘’I don-’’, Logan started but the words were stuck in his throat. It was so dry, so dry. His mouth was too dry for him to speak any more and the hand on his lap was suffocating him.  
’’No’’, he whined but Patton’s hand stayed on him.  
   
Suddenly, the hand was on his and he was pulled to his friend’s chest, the observant smirk on Patton’s sharp lips dug into Logan’s sight and he squeezed his eyes shut for another moment.  
‘’Come on, let us play!’’  
   
Logan felt his lips seal shut. His tongue as gone, it was far and even further away.  
Out of sight and out of his mind.  
All was blank and stale and simple.  
So bland, so white. So shockingly white without even a hint of innocence in it.  
   
Patton’s fingers traced over his body, inching closer, intruding his space. Taking him, tainting his innocence.  
The kid gasped but the sound was muffled by Patton’s gaunt fingers slapping over his mouth. A distorted mouth was by his side and he felt kisses trail over his body as his body grew stiff.  
   
‘’Loganberry’’, the stranger moaned, ‘’my love!’’

Logan shivered and squirmed but the hand was fitting over his mouth so well, he felt barred and fully blocked from speaking as the restricting human gag of a memory was silencing him into obedience and took his weakness for consent.  
The other hand was so close, so so deep in his clothing that it scared him because the touch was could and it hurt and he could hear his mom giggle and get tipsy with her brother and Patton was trapping him and flipped him down onto the couch just to trap him and turn his world upside down.  
   
When he sat up, Patton was gone and so were his shorts.  
They were replaced by black and it was stiff and long on him. It covered him wholly and mulled him into feelings he did not know to be his or someone else’s.  
The black was everywhere, it was on other people, it was in the sky and on the ground. There was charcoal even in the air and in his heart was nothing but spilled ink over his cool white that used to be his and his only.  
   
‘’He had nothing else to live for’’  
   
But who?  
   
‘’He had left a letter. He apologised to his family’’  
   
‘’I know, I know. His parents are devastated. They will never be the same.’’  
   
‘’He said he did not see the sense in life without the love of his life with him.’’  
   
‘’Love of his life? But he was so young. I have never seen him with a girl.’’  
   
Logan swallowed.  
There were white lilies in his hands. Lilies like death.  
White like the rotten unknowing that was dead and beaten and would be buried in the black of this ground, vored by a hole and forever graved into a wholesome memory of treasure and value.  
   
He stepped forward to put them on the casket.  
   
The wooden prison suddenly opened and he was pushed inside.  
   
‘’You killed him!’’, the voices yelled.  
   
He could only see violence and hands stretched out to get to him, to come for him and destroy him.  
   
‘’You rejected him!’’  
’’You! You killed my baby!’’  
   
He was pushed into the narrow space. It was perfect for his size, It was made for him and his sins.  
   
‘’You knew you would hurt him. You knew he loved you!’’  
‘’Why did you not just accept his love!?’’  
   
He swallowed the lump in his throat but it remained and tears started blurring the darkness of his vision.  
   
‘’If it had not been for you, he would still be here!’’  
   
‘’You should have died instead or accepted your feelings like a man!’’  
   
Logan started squirming as his prison was lifted up and he was soon lowered into the hole, his own burial. It was to make up for his sins.  
Dirt and flowers were thrown at him as the voices continued to chant.  
   
‘’I thought I could trust you.. my own son destroyed out family!’’  
’’Such a sweet child and you were so selfish. How could you?’’  
   
Logan wanted to speak but the hand was forever on his mouth, keeping him still as the black and white were thrown at him.  
   
Finally, he cried, sitting up and feeling the familiar heat of blankets on his skin.  
   
 Virgil, awake as always was immediately by his side and his voice was clustering onto his lap like cereal spilling form the original package into a bowl of cereal.  
The voice was the same but the content of words was colourful and had a variance Logan could not keep up with, considering all he perceived was a small light somewhere in the room. Not the main light but a little light source that did not seem like a candle. And there was the warmth of his blankets and Virgil who was a blob of colours next to him with these sounds that were so different and so similar at the same, so similar he could not tell them apart or focus on what he said.  
   
‘’Logan, it is okay. I am here’’, the punk assured carefully.  
The nerd still did not understand him but he understood his name. He knew the sound of it and he welcomed the clear version without any fancy letters attached to it.  
He hated diminutives anyway. He did not even know why but they made him sick and want to fucking puke.  
   
Not all, just some.

Virgil’s hands were raised and the palms were flat, facing Logan for him to see. Oh.. It was so hard to see.  
Logan narrowed his eyebrows and squinted at the sight. He just did not have any focus ... all was blur and such a fast twisting mess of whatever you would see when riding a merry-go-round when absolutely out of your mind. Like wasted or whatever.  
   
There.. no.. one of the hands was curled around something but Logan could not see what it was, he could not make it out but Virgil carefully placed it in his hand and he felt the object with his fingers, wrapping around the familiarity of something he had used so often and had liked so much.  
   
His glasses.  
   
He carefully put them back on and nodded.  
The world looked less confusing now but everything was still too much. All impressions on him were so overwhelming and there was barely anything, there was just so much in his head, so many thoughts, so many voices.  
   
So much heavy weight of a past guilt. And he still did not feel like the coal in his throat would ever get out. All he did and said was tainted in black with the ink of his sin and the darkness of his actions.  
   
He did not even regret it, did he?  
   
Logan just shook his head.  
He did not even what he tried to say with it but.. but he could not, all was too much, everything was too much.  
   
His had turned to the side, away from the weak light that was so far away. It was so so far away and it could not even hurt him or bother him but it hurt and it annoyed him. He wanted it gone.  
   
Virgil moved into the sight of the source of light, effectively blocking most of it.  
The second-year student nodded carefully and slowly turned back to face the other. He could not really make out much of his face since the shadows were chased away from the light and bled onto Virgil’s usually softer features that almost made him look like a delicate flower.  
   
‘’Log’’, the other said and Logan nodded again. Acknowledgement. He understood that name. He liked it. It was even shorter and it was a nice reference. It was about the only little joke he liked and Virgil had always used it ever since the two had met on the job. With their firsts shifts together, Logan had worked on something on his laptop and had focused on typing away so much, he had not realised his break had been over.  
It was only when the other’s voice had piped up, dark and light at the same time, a perfect mix of being in-between and yet so iconic for his brooding appearance. He had called him ‘log’ as a joke since this had been on Logan’s screen and it was probably the first thing he had read when looking for the other.

Logan had fallen behind his usual schedule and had yet to get a university project finished but one of his partners had just dropped the course. In the middle of the whole semester, he had decided to change courses and left without another notice. Nothing but a short message that was only a screenshot of a mail sent to the administration. A confirmation of abandoning his studies since he was accepted into another course of studies.  
Virgil had noticed that he was just not his usual self and had promised him to cover and take the work onto his shoulders.  
   
Logan had almost cried. Half-way through his shift he had gotten to finish his project. Without anyone knowing, Virgil had spent basically all his time to work for two people. Logan had basically used all his working time to finish his group assignment and submit it with a string of notes from how much his partners helped (of course his chat history had been attached as screenshots in order to back up his claims.  
   
‘’V’’, he returned.  
For some reason, his voice was so raspy and it felt like the coal within his throat was scratching madly against his throat and it hurt and dragged and rubbed and the friction felt like another bruising fire starting up within him and he hated it.  
He wanted to cough out his coal. He was sick of carrying the blackening piece of dark history with him.  
   
Logan was so much more.. He had so much good in his life.  
   
Right now, Virgil was smiling at him even though he did not look very much like smiling. His face look tired and so so void of any life. It was like flaccid skin being pulled over a skull after being bleached with the strains of being awake for days on end.  
   
Did Virgil even sleep?  
   
‘’Log, hey. Can you hear me?’’

Focus. Yes. Yes of course he did. He even understood his words.  
   
‘’Good, good.’’  
   
Virgil sounded so soothing. He could not even sound ridiculing to Logan even though he just admitted that his greatest accomplishment was being able to decipher spoken verbalisations in his mother tongue and effectively respond to it.  
Well, not exactly verbally but at least he could react at all.  
   
Virgil chuckled a little.  
It sounded so little like him. It sounded so much more like a desperate crying fit and Logan was so confused about this.  
   
Emotions rarely ever made sense but this was like trying to summarise a book and instead just praising it with meaningless reviews. It was something that Logan hated with a burning passion and he had ranted so often about it with Virgil, it had eventually turned into a game.  
They would read some of the books review of the books they had to sort in. Logan would usually just glance over the back of one book and start reading it, voice heavy with the tone of his judgmental sarcasm as he presented the ridiculous reviews to Virgil. The punk would then have to find out what it was about.  
It was nearly always wrong but they eventually added the book cover as hint so the game would be easier. After that, Virgil would come up with the funniest story ideas.  
   
If Logan was a writer, he would ask for help with Virgil’s ridiculous creativity. His ideas were nonsensical yet strangely amusing.  
   
Logan smiled.  
   
Virgil smiled back, the desperation seemed to fade from his lips and the curl of their corners seemed more genuine and it resembled the natural snorting expression the artist would display whenever someone he was comfortable with made a joke.  
It was magic to Logan.  
   
‘’Listen, is it okay if I touch you? I just wanna sit next to you and look around the room, okay? It is not bad if you say no. You can always say no.’’  
   
Logan tilted his head.  
His head was so heavy and his thoughts seemed to weigh him down. They were soaked clothing on a person who tried to make it through the every day insanity of life.  
It was so much harder and it did not have to be. Nobody needed this.  
   
He tried to contemplate on the question and carefully let his head drop before his unfocused gaze, that was just anyway, narrowed onto the space pattern around his blanket.  
The librarian carefully moved to the side and nodded again. His lips twitched upwards into a little smile and he nodded again when Virgil did not respond.  
   
The artist slowly climbed into his bed and despite the confirmation that he was very much okay to touch Logan, there was an invisible barrier that kept the two apart. Their bodies were not touching.  
He curled up and stretched out his left hand to allow Logan to take it.  
   
‘’Hey, I know the light sucks but I need you to focus. I know you are tired and exhausted but can you please focus?’’  
Another nod.  
Virgil felt Logan’s hand slip into his and the fourth roommate nodded softly.  
   
‘’Can you do me the favour of naming five things you can see?’’  
   
 Logan dragged his gaze over the room, fixating on nothing in particular. The objects before him seemed to float down the stream of a waterfall and he was not quite quick enough to catch the concept of all these things. It seemed so lost, he was so lost.  
He carefully squeezed Virgil’s hand that was between them.  
   
He trained his eyes on his lap and and slowly moved his hand over there. Maybe for comfort, maybe because his cluttered mind would understand that this hand was moved by him - into his own lap. But honestly, there was no knowing since he himself did not know at all.  
The first things started coming into focus. Despite his glasses it felt as if he was squinting in concentration and his nose did scrunch up a tiny bit.  
   
Logan was helpless and lost but he looked utterly uncontrolled and, for some reason, much more human than on average. Of course, a common exception is whenever he just woke up and had this little look of confusion and needed adjustment on his face. It was when he was loose like the straps of a recently purchased backpack - it was only a matter of time until it was adjusted to the given circumstances.  
   
Before his eyes, the familiar darkness of his blanket came into focus and slowly, like an old camera, the blurriness faded until everything seemed clear.  
He was still floating, as much as the things around him that seemed out of place and as if they were homeless at the same time.  
None of them belonged.  
   
‘’Blanket’’, Logan started and Virgil gently squeezed his hand in encouragement.  
The elder one smiled mutely and gave a curt nod as response.  
   
At least he saw something.  
   
‘’The space’’, he started but the words did not make sense, not even to him, ‘’space pattern’’.  
Virgil nodded wisely.  
Maybe it was just in imagination that Logan brought onto himself. Perhaps in his mind it did not make sense but it somehow made sense after all. Just not to him.  
It was like Patton’s jokes that he missed out on so often that he just felt the heat on his face stay away and instead, cold settling in his chest.  
It was almost too common for him to feel like he was the only one to not get it. The only one to not feel it.  
   
His fingers brushed against Virgil and the other immediately opened his hand around Logan’s. It seemed the other had pressed the right button to convey what he wanted to express because the other was quick to give in to his sudden movements.  
   
Sudden, nonetheless slow and careful.  
   
His palm rested back on the bed and he brushed over the blanket.  
The pattern was not just dark hues. Well, it mostly was but there were sparks of stars and sources of shine in the nice illustration of a space-themed look.  
The best part of it was that the other side of his blanket, the one which was currently covering his legs and touching his toes, was a mash up of different stars and constellations of them as well. They were connected and Logan would often just look at them and appreciate them.  
It was a gift from Patton and he still found comfort in the blanket.  
   
Logan’s hand retreated to the grip of his roommate’s fingers. He gently squeezed it again, the warmth welcoming him and inviting him to a more beautiful and stable world. For some reason, everything seemed more complete at this moment.  
The grip was more like a grip on his life and and Logan breathed out. There was relief on his tongue and he slumped a little against the wall behind his bed before he curled up against Virgil.  
   
It was a light contact at first, their heads brushing together like a lover’s caress. Their shoulders lightly bumped together and the outside of their thighs lined up next to each other like best friends would sit together whenever they share time to have some good moments together and make a little less complicated and bitter like it usually was with all the stress.  
   
‘’Our hands’’, he said.  
His voice was genuine and dipped into a softness that seemed so different, nearly alien coming from the usually so factual nerd who barely conveyed any sort of emotion. No strong one. His emotions were usually the verbal pastels of colours while others came on so strong.  
Roman, for example, was always strong like his red jackets he liked to wear so much. They were the intense crimson, a deep carmine, sometimes the slightly softer but still rather bright poppy. His emotions were so bundled up and came in less than they stormed the scene with lime light and speakers as they started the rush of feeling.  
   
Virgil swallowed, a lump building up in his throat but he gently shifted their hands so his thumb could brush over the back of Logan’s larger and much paler hands.  
Logan truly had this glorious nerd tan that came from being solely exposed to the sunshine instilled in LED lamps. It was admirable, truly enviable. At least, if you asked Virgil.  
   
‘’One more, my dear’’, the punk encouraged and Logan settled against his side by now.  
His head slipped to his chest and he let out a little sigh.  
   
‘’The light. It is a real nuisance’’, he said.  
The hands on his back seemed to be gone. The grabbing cold stopped trying to drag him into the abyss of decay.  
   
Virgil scoffed at that and Logan joined with a little huff. His sounds were breathless and he had to keep inhaling deeply in-between his fits of laughing that easily degenerated into aimless giggles.  
He collapsed into Virgil’s lap and the other carefully brush through his blonde curls with a smile so faint yet so prominent on his features. His eyes were light with the feeling of elation between them and the light was the least bothering by now. It gave them the opportunity to lock eyes whenever Logan’s throat cried for more oxygen and gasps ripped from his insides as he split his mouth and sucked in needy breaths just to fall into his self-intoxicating chuckles once more.  
   
‘’You did well, Log’’, he praised gently and softly petted his hair, ‘’you are doing very well.’’  
Logan hummed softly, his chuckles dying down as a smile of contentment splayed itself over his features.  
The nightmare was far gone. It had hit him like a truck but after the initial harm, he was back to himself and the violence has brushed past him. He had recovered from the impact and was back in the sweet sweet care of other people making him realise that life was so much sweeter than the bitter aftertaste that trauma left on your tongue every other morning even after years of remission.  
   
‘’Thanks..’’, Logan mumbled softly as he curled into a large ball of his gaunt but somewhat bulky form. Sure, he was much more compromised like this, like a human espresso of everything in time and space that is worth universal adoration, but he was still so much taller than Roman or Virgil were.  
‘’Don’t sweat it, nerd’’, Virgil chuckled but his amused sounds were quick to fall from the air like heavy drops of bombs and they clashed onto the ground to leave the crushing destruction that was his mind.  
   
‘’Do you want to talk about it?’’  
   
 Logan curled up further.  
It was foolish to think that simply taking the position of a fetus in a physical sense would transform him into a similar responsibility as much as capability.  
Well, it turned out that the student was still very much able to feel the pain in his chest albeit his lungs had calmed into a regular breathing rhythm. His mind used to be a galaxy but at this moment, it was sucked in by the gravity of something too big and too heavy for him to comprehend and he had yet to try and figure it out.  
   
It was then when his mind gave him a little spark in the wide darkness of himself.  
   
Hope.  
   
If he did not know how to free himself because he was too weak to break the power of attraction, maybe he would do good in getting help.  
   
He had dismissed the idea of therapy for so long.  
His family would find out. Even now, he would not be able to handle the shame of being any less than idea, of being someone who did not fulfill all expectations the world pored over him. The biases and dragging limits were running over him like a painfully slow bulldozer.  
   
Well, there was Patton. But the thing was, Patton did know Logan when he was not ready to talk about things, when he was in the most horrible state of mind.  
To him, it felt too wrong to just suddenly come up with all these things and spout them out like they had been buried under his tongue all along, waiting for him to just get loose enough.  
Another point, of course, was the plain fact that Patton was studying Psychology and was currently conducting a study with residing therapist Dr. Emile Picani.  
Sure thing he would not actively try and analyse Logan but he would at least tell him to see a therapist. He had done it before and Logan was not just unprepared and, in some ways, unable to handle this (talking about the financial burden would just be another issue he did not want to consider).  
   
Patton was his best friend. They had been best friends for years, for over a whole decade by now, if only by a few mere years.  
Whenever something new came up, they supported one another and now that Logan grew up more and had the time to be away from his family and think for himself while studying, he just realised that there was so much in him, so many untackled things he had never considered to be an issue. Especially the talks and the co-studies he took by supporting Patton and generally having a broad interest in all kinds of sciences had left Logan understanding just how much there was wrong with him when he had not noticed in so many years.  
   
The master student was much more knowledgeable about Logan’s well-being and his coping mechanisms than anyone else. He had his little skill kit Patton had helped him with in all glory and support.  
Just... He could not, he did not feel like he was the person who could break it to Patton just how fucked he was in senses where he knew that his dear friend was hurting. He could not, it would be wrong, so morally wrong like some Martha Nussbaum would probably argue for the sake of moral philosophy and the regard for human dignity.  
   
Virgil was waiting while Logan pondered, still waiting as Logan was rotating endlessly as he slowly billowed through the darkness of his own universe.  
   
The librarian sighed and carefully shifted.  
Ever since he had moved into Virgil’s lap to curl up like the baby he was in his vulnerability and emotional exposition, he had let go off the other’s hand in favour of holding onto himself, kind of.  
Well, it had not been too much of a loss since the punk was patiently caressing his hair and making the swirls of thoughts and memories less nauseating to him.  
   
Roman was out of question. He would never be able to gain this emotional depth with him. He did not know why but there seemed to always be something between them that just split them apart in ways that made it unable for him to reach out.  
Maybe they were too stubborn. Maybe they were not open. Perhaps it was a matter of pride and being honest with yourself and others.  
   
Logan knew it was all three but he dismissed the thought in favour of just breathing into his current acceptance at this moment.  
   
It could be that he was in some lightheaded blur but as the worlds around him kept moving and he was wafting thorough the cosmos still, the sickness seemed to fade and a sense of something special sparked within him.  
There was a warmth, a belonging in him and he knew it was not hope, it was so much more.  
It was the first time of lighting up a candle, seeing the fire spark from match or lighter over to the wick of an untouched potential.  
   
‘’Ye...yes’’, he murmured silently. His voice did not sound like him. Not quite.  
Was this a new he? A he who would face his past and finally spill the truth?  
‘’I mean, I think so’’, he vaguely stated but doubt quieted down his honesty, ‘’I guess..?’’  
   
The hand in his hair stilled for just a moment before it continued again. A new tenderness seemed to be in the movement and suddenly, it was not just his hair getting gentle caresses but his whole scalp would feel the pads of now ten single fingers gently applying different degrees of pressure to his sensitive skin.  
   
‘’I can try’’, Logan concluded.  
   
With his mind being handled like this, the whole ponderosity seemed but a fleeting incident. It was the passing of time, the sound of the steady breathing, the daily growth of nature and the movement of a river’s perpetual stream.  
It just.. was.  
   
Silence.  
   
After a while, Logan spoke up again.  
Sounded like a lot of talking he would have to do. Might as well get used to it.  
   
‘’Can I stay like this?’’  
   
Virgil smiled but Logan could not see it. His eyes squeezed away the possibility of rejection.  
   
‘’Of course you can’’  
   
It was okay??  
   
‘’And Logan?’’, he asked softly.  
Logan might as well have missed the sentence. It was not silent, no, not really. The mutter was clearly audible. Virgil’s form was so closely connected to his and his head had to be facing his as he was pronouncing his words for him.  
He hummed in acknowledgement, prompting the other to go on.  
‘’If you ever want to stop or think better of it, that is okay. You don’t have to tell me anything, I mean, ever. Not just now. It is okay. I am here whenever you need me, as much as I can.’’  
   
A part of him wanted to add that he owed Logan but it was not about that. It was not about any of this at all, it was more of a thing he wanted to do rather than some principles or mutuality.  
   
In the past he had been eager to please people but now all he wanted to do was give back and encourage.  
Maybe just open worlds and being a good friend for the sake of it rather than fulfilling some cryptic purpose he wanted to believe others would serve him in their relationships to him.  
   
 ‘’I mean..’’, he mumbled and sighed again.  
Logan’s hand reached up to rub the eyes under his glasses, the backside of his hand pushing his glasses up like some annoying person a bully would shove out of the way.  
He glanced over at the alarm clock on his night stand. It was on his side, the left one. Closer to the door. Virgil’s mattress was on the right side of his bed when you were laying on it and did not face the wall the bed was cuddling with but rather showed it your back. For some reason, Virgil liked it that way.  
   
The clock was glowing in a signal red. It was stinging and intense and Logan did not particularly enjoy the sensation of craning his neck just enough off his friend’s lap so he could stare into a bright pillarbox red.  
It read something along the digits of 2:38am.  
What a shitty time to be awake when you had lesson early up in the morning but well, winter time was his personal nightmare.  
The shorter the days got, the more he seemed to ponder, think, deliberate. The memories would start swallowing more time of his day and block his mental capacity and cognitive abilities. As a person who took pride in this, he absolutely despised this. But at the same time, he had met Patton in the days of snow flakes falling and marshmallow-adorned hot chocolate being passed out to children.  
   
But right now it was 2:39am and Virgil was still waiting for him.  
   
‘’Hey, let’s go out’’, he stated eventually.  
It was not even a suggestion. He wanted to take the car he shared (he shared it with his roommates even though Patton had resorted to using it the most these days. Not that any of them minded since it was all up to them for using it whenever the day was free. Roman usually drove him to university when his schedule allowed it.) and get out with Virgil.  
   
For some reason, he felt hungry and he just wanted to get something from a stupid take out, have crappy 3am fast food and cry over something like disgusting donuts or whatever when talking about how much he actually hated life and himself and all that made him who he was.  
   
‘’Holy shit, that is a good idea’’, Virgil chuckled and carefully nudged Logan. The IT student got the hint and slowly rose before a certain urge overcame him and he felt his lips beings pushed open for a big yawn that he immediately covered up with a quick hand.  
‘’Aw Logan’’, Virgil teased in amusement. His voice nearly sounded appreciative as he got hs ass out of bed.  
   
It was now that Logan realised that yes, they were both very much in pyjamas because they were awake in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. It was not a thing that had actually happened even though his mind wanted him to believe it very much was a memory rather than the manifestation of his guilt about actual things that happened.  
His tired eyes lingered on the appearance of Virgil and his tattoos for another moment. Seeing him outside of his hoodies and jackets was a thing that just happened at home, even in summer.  
   
Every time he was blessed with the comfort of Virgil being able to show his body a bit more he just felt as if something great had happened but he did not quite know how to deal with it even though he desperately wanted to do something about it.  
   
‘’Are you sure about that, though?’’, the punk asked again as he pulled his shirt off and Logan quickly turned away and put his glasses back onto his nightstand.  
The elder one shot another look back at him and caught a glimpse of something that seemed to shine, something that was a dim light and it was not this stupid lamp that Virgil had turned on in order to see something when Logan had suddenly started screaming. Possibly.  
This glow was weaker but it seemed like a bluish, glowing colour.  
   
‘’Yes, I am’’, he retorted and fully turned back to him, his hands by now buried in his closet as he was fishing out some casual clothing.  
Maybe just some nice comfort hoodie and long grieving pants. After all, he did not exactly feel like running fireworks today and seizing the day like a participator in the Olympia. He felt more like some pancake that had too much water and size and ended up being soggy and abandoned and so cold.  
   
He continued fishing.  
   
‘’What is that glow?’’, he asked.  
   
He refused to turn on the light and Virgil did not even seem to bother as he pulled up some hoodie to put on.  
So, apparently he would just wear a hoodie and the loose shorts he had put on before cuddling up to his mattress in the bliss of sweet and promising exhaustion. The reward was usually a goodnight-sleep, a full one.  
   
The art student looked back up at him and even in the dim light he could see the lazy grin that were his lips, the two rings on  his bottom lip slightly stretched to the side to present a lop-sided joke of a mischievous smile.  
‘’Hey nerd, you checking me out?’’, he sad before his lips were pulled by his teeth that hungrily made the grabby hands for the black horseshoe-styled jewellery that was curling around Virgil’s lower lip as he looked up at the ceiling before he spared Logan another dark glare.  
‘’Well, if you need to know, come closer.’’  
   
He dropped the hoodie onto the bed as he stepped over to Logan and the curious man was quick to jump over his hesitation and how caught up his breath seemed to be when he swallowed his questions, his confusion and his desperate need to understand what he was feeling at this moment.  
Virgil carefully lifted his right arm and leaned his back against the closet for Logan to see his little glow. On the side of his ribs, a few inches below his armpit, there was a bunch of little lights, bluish in nature and rather intense to see. His skin seemed so smooth, so void of hair and simply soft.  
   
Logan had never felt this hungry for secrets. He wanted to unwrap the mysterious of his friend and eat them up like a delicately wrapped of chocolate praline.  
   
‘’It is the Comae Berenices. That thing that looks like the tip of an unfinished triangle is her Diadem’’, Virgil explained as he carefully brushed over a connecting line. This one was in regular black, nothing too fancy, no special ink that seemed to magically appear in the light of darkness.  
‘’I kinda associate it with the goddess of victory and success and thought it was kinda nice. The alpha star is called ‘Diadem’ like I told you. It is a double star and it is usually connected to beta and gamma of this asterism.’’  
   
Logan leaned in as he followed Virgil’s browsing finger like a predator observed his victim.  
Curious, morbidly even so. And so hungry in his own fascination. It drowned him in something that did not quite satisfy him.  
Oh, now he regretted having taken off his glasses just to stare less but this was just another excuse to get his curly head of curiosity closer into Virgil’s life and find out more.  
   
When he carefully brushed over it with his own fingers, Virgil flinched away.  
The magic seemed broken and Logan’s captivity in this bonding moment was gone as the portal to the cryptic glow was closed off again and Virgil’s arm lowered and curled around his abdomen in defense.  
The IT student wanted to apologise, wanted to tell his colleague that he was sorry but then he heard Virgil’s chuckle again and he saw how the other squeezed himself into the closet and hugged his arms to himself in a sense of comforting his triggered tactile sense.  
   
‘’I am ticklish’’, Virgil explained, his words effectively affirming Logan’s suspicions.  
   
He was merely satiated but he swallowed away his interest and nodded away, keeping up his usual business-attitude as he tried to not feel feverish and so unbelievably hot in his own skin. His face was glowing harder than Virgil's tattoo. And it was not even the only tattoo and Logan had just recently saw the snake one for the first time. Now he also got to realise that his chest and back as well as the asterism were tattoos on the slim body of his friend.   
A body full of ink and secrets.  
A person so soft and mysterious, it felt forbidden to be so close yet so far away when he was existing despite all the odds and all the rules of life and society.

His inner Sherlock wanted to take him in and explore all of his body and analyse the stitches and scars, the ink and the moles on his skin just so he could know him better, so he could understand.  
It was probably just him panicking now that he decided Virgil was a safe space to reveal himself to but at the same time, it was a step for him to realise just how little he knew about the other.  
Family? Hobbies? Friends?  
He knew of some but he was not happy wit many of these and he was just so shocked about how much there was hidden under the piercings and the confident smirks that came from the same person who would just rush over to Logan and beg him to take over a costumer for him as he was sweating and trembling and biting his lips and brushing over that tongue piercing of his by pushing it against his gums. He could see it in his jaw movements whenever he had too much social pressure.  
And then he was such a playful tease, so  confident and slithering with his words and deeds.  
What was this man? Who was this man?  
He was a good friend at least and he gave him a comfort like Patton did but it did not seem so conditioned, not so tainted by their past and the length and depth of their relationship.  
It was odd but it was so free and spacious. It was like a grip that was completely open, a touch you barely felt and the support that was there the second you were about to turn your head for them and call for help.  
   
Logan was pulled from his thoughts and observations that were clustered around the mystery of his friend.  
When this was over, he should try and get to know Virgil more. They surely have learned more ever since they moved in together but there was still so much left unsaid. With the pressure of exams coming up and assignments being due, he just was rather busy and honestly, Virgil and Logan saw each other during work more than at home despite sharing the same room and sleeping next to each other (if not in the same bed).  
Virgil was rather occupied as well. If he was not working or staying in university until much later so he could finish and even hand in his art projects, then he was out late or on a run like he had explained to Logan. Apparently, he had frozen this activity for a few days when the cut incident happened and now Logan was none the wiser.  
   
He quickly pulled his own little hoodie on.  
It probably looked cliche but he loved his NASA merchandise. After he had visited the place with his family (he had just been a teenager and pushed them into doing something fun for once), he had never lived down the greatness of this experience. They had even taken Patton with them at this time and it had been amazing.  
Up until now, he had kept these memories and pictures saved in his heart and files.  
   
Well, now that he was all cuddled up in his slightly too big hoodie (it was rather hard not to be too big for Logan when he was still rather slim compared to people like Patton), he also added some regular jogging pants and made sure to take his phone and wallet with him.  
He felt like eating weird weird stuff.  
   
The punk was still rather next to him and chuckled when the other was ready, he just tapped his shoulder and passed him, on the way to leaving the room when Logan quickly reached out for him and pulled him close by his wrist.  
‘’Wait’’, he ordered suddenly, his words in the tone of a police officer who did not joke around but was there for the serious busy and looking all gloomy and professional, ‘’Patton and Roman cannot hear about this. They will just ask questions and get worried or annoying. I..- I cant do this right now.’’  
   
Virgil narrowed his eye, his small snub nose scrunching up a tad as his upper lip rose just enough for him to open his mouth in protest.  
Did Logan want to not go anymore? Was he scared?  
   
The taller man sighed and gently took Virgil’s left again.  
   
‘’We gotta be quick and silent. We need to rush over there. We will not shut this door here. You go to the front door and open it when I join you, I just need to quickly get the keys. Patton did not have shift but we need to be back until 8 for him to not notice and also not to interfere with his schedule.’’  
   
Virgil’s expression forged back into a smile and his nose settled as well as he nodded.  
   
It was just a few more moments and a conspiring exchange of nods before they followed Logan’s proposed steps and quickly exited the home together in joint silence.  
When they were outside, they only looked at one another and giggled before they descended the stairs and hurried into the cold night.  
 ***  
Virgil and Logan were laying on the bonnet of the car.  
They were in the middle of some more or less abandoned part of the area after having driven for ages and now they were there, laying there in the middle of nothing.  
The darkness around them was patiently cruising around them instead of trying to swallow their light and make their bodies disappear.  
They were peacefully coexisting with a bunch of junk food between them, separating them but at the same time uniting them whenever they went for the food at the same time and giggled or simply smiled in silence at the little gesture of similarity.  
The feeling of being understood and having a common ground.  
   
Their bodies were a little twisted away from one another, their heads resting on the beginning of the windscreen’s sharp upward-angled curve. The food rested in the space next to their thighs and stopped right at their knees like the perfect length for a dress of nightly munchies. Just without the whole teenage regrets and late night pot-mistakes.  
Logan was drinking his milk shake while Virgil dipped onion rings into ice cream.  
   
None of them could count just how much fast food they had gotten this night but they had stopped at a few places before they felt satisfied.  
   
Now, they were just laying there, peace brushing over their limbs and the exhaustion of not having gotten enough sleep dragged at their eyes but neither of them wanted to let this night end.  
The stars above them illuminated their new world, their shared twosomeness.  
   
Logan lifted his lips from his cup.  
   
Yes, he had no straw or whatever. He had nearly glared daggers at the proposal of any while a sleepless and overworked student had just stared into him, with soulless posture and underpaid heart on his face.  
Virgil just had hissed and taken Virgil’s hand with some sort of eye roll before saying, ‘’He watched ‘Happy Feet’ and now he is really sensitive, you know?’’  
   
Once his lips were unoccupied, they pressed together. Numb and wet from the cold drink, he ran his tongue over them in order to clean off the sweetness of his artificial peanut butter and jam cocktail of flavours and crushed ice particles with enough lactose to kill a man.  
Or just trigger some explosive tummy aches of death.  
   
And then, he giggled.  
   
His body curled up to his side, away from Virgil and he faced the side of the field that was in his line of vision.  
A bit of car lights were emitting enough human-made sun for him to see a bit of wilted nothing and brownish leaves all over.  
Aw, autumn could be so depressing.. and now it was almost winter, huh?  
   
Virgil immediately shot up, his body jerking into the position of dropping his food and support Logan in case his sucks for air and little gasps turned from delighted to pained and regretful.  
None of it.  
The nerd simply curled back, breathing out hard before his giggles continued, if not a little subsided by now.  
   
Eventually, he had calmed himself and turned back to face the other.  
   
‘’I barely remember the last time I did anything so unpredictable and spontaneous, anything I just wanted to do at that moment for no reason at all. Just going out at’’, he wanted to check his watch but it was at home on his desk. Instead, he checked his phone as he brushed off the habitual movement of bringing his wrist into his vision, ‘’oh what not? Nearly 4 am by now. Can you believe that?’’  
   
A faint smile was still playing on his lips and he let his head rest back to where it used to be and Virgil took the invitation to return into his previous position and put another ice-cream covered abomination of greasy onion rings into his mouth.  
Seriously, how did this kid eat any of this? Logan was rather sure Virgil was still underage. Allowed to drive and pay his bills but not allowed to drink or be ‘adult’. Weird laws.  
   
The elder student sighed and took another thick sip of his sugary treat.  
He would never sleep with all these amounts of monosaccharides flooding his system but well, his body had to suck it up now. H was having fun and despite his nightmares, he was still smiling and talking and able to interact with Virgil like it was the easiest thing he has ever done.  
   
‘’Well, Virgil. Now to what we wanted to discuss in the first pla-’’, Logan started but Virgil interrupted him  
‘’Okay, nerd. I respect you but give yourself the time of the day and stop being so formal. This is a personal shit thing so treat it with emotion and let yourself be upset. It had you shaken up like crazy there and it is okay to feel shit. It really is. And if someone tells you otherwise, I will eat them and we have a problem less in the world. We got a deal?’’  
Logan moved his neck, turning his face just enough to glance at his friend who, in response, extended his right for him.  
He had his glasses on but he was sure he only saw a few fingers hanging in the scarce light, presenting themselves to him.  
His left extended itself without his mind following. He was still hung up on the fingers. But his fingers stretched out for the other, longing and eventually meeting them and curling around the empty hand.  
   
It felt so strange holding these fingers, it was not even a full hand to him, it felt so little, so unlike Virgil.  
   
‘’It is a deal now, stop staring’’, Virgil laughed with a mock-offense in his tone as he nudged his shoulder against Logan’s and carefully tended to the rest of his food.  
Right now, it was burrito into his ice cream. There was not much left so maybe at least this crime would find its own end.  
   
‘’Okay okay but will you stop eating gross food?’’, Logan retorted and Virgil scoffed, nearly choking on his food and the nerd was merciful enough to offer his milkshake weirdness for Virgil to mix it into his confuzzling mix of whatever the heck his taste buds had to identify in his mouth.  
When Virgil did not seem to choke anymore, he took another gulp of the milkshake and handed it over.  
   
‘’I swear, Log, you need more of this attitude of yours when we are at work. With these guts, you would obliterate everyone by simply giving some assholes these deadass stares and no-bullshit tolerance.’’  
   
He did not understand, he really did not. But he understood that Virgil gave him a compliment and laughed at a stupid thing he said.  
It made him feel lightheaded and warm inside, no matter how much freezing cold there was around them or pooling around the actual area of his guts when the milkshake seemed to just run down his insides like rapid snowfall.  
   
‘’Whatever you said, Virgil, I might as well give it a try and be less patient, if you will.’’  
   
 Virgil shrugged and finally, finally finished his ice cream at last. The empty container was stuffed into the bag of trash between them that held all the wrapping and other stuff they had already discarded by consuming the different food items. One by one.  
He sighed and patted his stomach, a little smile on his face.  
Logan was not sure he had even seen him eat so much food at once. He had quite the appetite for some small guy, really.  
   
Anyway, he could not keep dodging the topic by getting desperately interested in everything else. He just set himself a mental reminder to update his journal on Virgil later on so he would learn something and maybe understand his friend a bit more.  
He just wanted to help him, too.  
   
‘’Okay, well..’’, Logan started.  
This time for real.  
‘’I was pretty young. It was before we moved and met Patton. I was still attending elementary school. We probably moved because of this all.’’  
   
He looked up into the stars, the scattered white somewhat attracting him, soaking him in and giving him a feeling like the night sky was just a blanket curled up around him and helping him sink into the sleep. The calmness was slowly covering his body and mind and it was a comfort, so far from human but so close to understanding and a sense of belonging that it left him confused.  
The universe was just so much bigger and all he could think of is why he loved it so much and how trivial all seemed before him.  
   
There was something more, maybe a plan and order.  
   
‘’My cousin is dead, Virgil’’, he eventually stated.  
The words were as cold as the night and Logan’s face seemed to freeze into a statue of who he could be at any other point in time.  
‘’He is dead because he killed himself when I was young and it is my fault and I don’t care.’’  
   
Virgil carefully slid up against the windshield and looked at his friend, his face unreadable and in deep rumbles of thoughts.  
   
That must have been shocking, huh? A nice friend telling you he did not care about the death of a family member. Him saying that he was at fault, maybe a major cause to the whole thing happening.  
   
Logan did not know what the minor thought, he did not know what to think or how to feel about this but he did know for sure that the hot shame was rising in him and he suddenly felt sick with the guilt and pain in his younger self’s struggle.  
   
His heartbeat was the only tune in the memorable night. It sang and it sang in its remorseful wails and sputtering helplessness before it started sobbing.  
Logan felt tears pricking at his eyes, the heat making him feel dizzy and out of his body, in a weird way.  
   
‘’That is okay, Logan’’, the other said without another moment of silence to make them drift apart any further. The words fell so easily but when they hit the goal, they seemed to crash into Logan’s heart like a car into a wall at full speed.  
‘’It is okay to feel or not feel. You cannot control what you feel. It is okay. You can keep going. I don’t care about what you did.’’  
   
Logan forced a shuddering breath out of his system and discarded the rest of his milkshake in their little trash bag. He hugged his arms around himself and gave in to the violent shivers that ran through his body by now. Despite the hoodie, he was still cold. He was so cold inside because he never felt and he never lived and now he did and it was horrible and terminal.  
Like he could never go back to not feeling this wretching pain anymore despite the feeling f someone just slowly pulling his heart apart, peeling it like a tomato with slow yet precise movements and the patience of someone who wanted to inflict high-quality torture.  
   
‘’It is my fault, Virgil. It is my fault. He mentioned me in his suicide note, he listed me as reason. I did this to him, I destroyed a whole family!’’, he cried out and curled up, his tall legs coming back up to his chest to suffocate him further. The weight on his conscience was much heavier and breath-taking than his body felt.  
His voice faded into a mere whine, his wails downgrading into the volume of a pleading whisper when he repeated his words, his self-blaming, his accusations.  
   
‘’I did it. I killed a man, I made him, I did that - Virgil, I killed someone, it is my fault, my fault, my fault!’’, he puled. His words were nothing but the twisted reflection of his despair and personal all-time low as he dug for all the shit he had on himself, all the crap and pain and shame he had buried within him and was now trying to get out.  
   
He was in a sinking nutshell of a boat. It had a leak and he could not help but keep staring at it as he felt his body being more and more immersed in the salty depth of the abandoned ocean around him. Salty like his dishonorable tears he still shed despite him being at fault. He was undeserving of any pain and sadness, considering he has triggered the whole grief with his own selfishness.  
And he was collecting the water, oh he was. Logan was gathering it with all he had, his hands, his shoes he had taken off and used as bowl in order to let the water back into the ocean, throw it out of his little nutshell.  
He was prolonging the inevitable.  
   
It was trying to postpone death when it was a certainty to come but he faced worse than death, he was living a life of guilt, subjected to the own pain he had sentenced himself with in an attempt at repentance.  
   
But then there were warm hands around him and Virgil pulled him closer, pulled him over to the other side of the junk barrier between them and held him close, let him cry against his shoulder and keep repeating his shame again and again as he softly hummed and rocked the other.  
Logan just wanted to sleep and never feel again, just stop being so miserable and never go back at all.  
   
‘’That is bullshit, Log. You did not do a thing. You did not give him anything to hurt himself, you did not do anything that could have made him do it. You were just a kid, you were dumb and unknowing and you tried to make it and that is okay.’’  
Virgil gently brushed over his arms and Logan nodded but he did not know whether his heart understood the words like his mind did.  
   
He processed the words, he had made sense of them but he did not feel them, not yet.. it was not all, it was not the whole story.  
   
‘’But I did- I... I did!’’, he stubbornly spat through his teeth as more snot and tears mixed on his face and washed away the mask of a good man to finally reveal the ugliness beneath. He was a monster, a killer, a selfish criminal and he had never once tried to be a man about it and face his fears, accept his guilt and live with it.  
No, he was still denying and now he was even manipulating Virgil into supporting his personal denial.  
It was ugly, so ugly, he was so ugly.  
   
‘’What did you do, Logan. It is okay. We can figure it out, we can get behind this together.’’  
   
The sweet smell of a promise, the warm notion of relief and forgiveness was shining before him, wrapping him up and letting him breathe out his despondency.  
Virgil was the light to over his shadowy self the turn of events he was asking for, the possibility to finally stop hurting and instead change the there and now, feel the past fade into the black and white of long forgotten memories.  
   
‘’I... He told me he loved me’’, he breathed out, his tone flattening as he steadily forced himself down to deep and intense breaths that hurt but felt so soothing as well.  
‘’He.. loved me and I.. I was.. I did not. .. I told him to stop b-because he touched me. He touched me a lot and so often and I .. It hurt, it was bad and I hated it. I hated it!!’’  
   
He felt his face grow hot again, the wrecking heat finally raising his temperature and settling the agony in his heart.  
   
‘’He.. He would watch cartoons with me’’, he hiccuped softly as his voice turned from enraged and fierce back into the begging tone he had obtained in his miserable tears, ‘’he would watch them and touch me and told me to not move and it was so bad. I did not want that and he hurt me, he hurt me so much but he loved me and and-...’’  
   
Virgil gently brushed over his back and carefully hugged him closer.  
‘’Shh’’, he hummed gently and cradled the other closer, ‘’It is okay. It is okay. You are with me, you are safe. You are an adult now. You are in the fields with me.’’  
   
Logan acknowledged the words mutely, his head nodding them off and he took another courageous breath of sweet, cold oxygen.  
It bruised his lungs and wrung his wind pipe from the inside.  
His throat was hurting so much and his voice still felt hoarse and broken from all his crying he entitled himself to.  
   
‘’I was sick of him hurting me. It was so mean and he was so sweaty and he forced- He.. he forced me and told me to be silent and then gave me things and gifts and was so nice. I could not hate him but I did and he never stopped. Virgil, he never stopped but I asked him too because it was so painful and he made me bleed a lot and it hurt. It hurt so bad!’’  
   
Virgil gently held his friend and he nodded.  
   
‘’I know. I know, Logan. You did nothing wrong. You never did anything bad. It is good you told him how you felt. Lies are mean. You are not responsible for how you feel, it is not up to you to make others feel better about how you feel. You were just honest, Log. You were just an honest kid and he hurt you so much and left you with all this guilt.’’  
   
Their hug became more as Logan broke under his words and acknowledged the meaning.  
He was free, he was gone.  
Virgil had broken down his own prison of guilt and told him it was fine. It was fine. It was okay. He had never done a mean thing, right?  
   
‘’You did good, Log. You did a very good job with all these things. If he had loved you for real, he would have respected you and your needs, he would not have forced or hurt you.’’  
His heart squeezed painfully as he pronounced his own daily mantra.  
‘’Love is about loving someone for who they are and wanting the best for them. He did not love you when he made you feel bad about being yourself and feeling what you feel.’’  
   
Logan nodded again and again.  
   
They sat together and cried longer and longer.  
The sky was forming and changing around the feelings they shared in their little bubble.  
   
It was so long and tired until they got back.  
   
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to tell me your opinions on the chap. I hope I did not break anyone or anything,,,
> 
> Have a great day ♥ I am proud of you for making it through! ♥


	8. Late night bonding time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend rolls around and Virgil is excited to meet his bestest friend in town. Roman interrogates him and their relationship remains tense.   
> They actually watch a film together on Friday and Virgil and Logan take a walk in the middle of it.   
> Something is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No extra TW for this chap! just some bonding and softness, kinda.
> 
> I hope you like it and had a great 2020 so far! As always, feel free to comment and leave kudos. I am sorry for the delay but I am in exam stress so I might delay a bit. It will be more consistent once February happens ^^

The weekend finally rolled around and the roommates got together to watch their film as Patton had proposed.  
Virgil and Logan had spent some time together to make some snacks and arrange the things that Roman had picked from the store.  
   
Patton had his free day. Apparently, he worked on Tuesday, Thursday and the weekend. But Fridays were usually free for him every other week or so.  
This was about all Patton shared about his job. That and the fact he was usually away all night and came back super early.  
Other than that, he was apparently working with Dr. Picani to finish his thesis and that was about it. Logically, he did not have too much time on his hands even when staying at home since he would read and write and compromise his data - often with Logan’s help.  
Hence, he adored time off and would gladly spend it with his favourite people who just so happened to be his roommates.  
   
Patton was sitting on the couch, obviously banned from helping in the kitchen. After all, he just came from his research work and was done thinking for the day. It was cuddle time.  
Roman gladly leaned against his side and the two giggled as they shifted together as Patton simply pulled the tanned man against his strong chest and smiled warmly while Logan and Virgil brought the snacks over and decorated the table with several snacks.  
There were crisps and flips, some cut vegetables and cheese, bite-sized tomatoes (Virgil forgot the name for them but he liked them a lot), some breadsticks and dips such as hot cheese dip and guacamole.  
   
The guacamole was a Logan thing that nobody commented on. How would anyone condemn avocado and curse the tasty food worked into one of the greatest dips in life, after all?  
Personally, Logan thought that nothing was just as subtly tasty and so immediately the most drool-worthy and customisable dip that had ever come from human hands.  
   
When Virgil and Logan were done, they finally settled onto the couch and Roman explained which film he had chosen and started going a little ramble on the dramatic effects and the superior art of acting.  
   
‘’I promise you will cry by the end of it! She is just that amazing!’’, he said in a booming voice. If he had not convinced anyone before with his blabbering and rambling, he surely did make a point by sounding as if he was debating about how much water consisted of oxygen and hydrogen.  
He surely was passionate about that and Patton just kept gigging about it while Logan mumbled something about not understanding acting and the whole concept. He still thought it was a masterful skill to carry out.  
   
The snacks were contributed.  
Roman settled with some crisps that somewhat tasted of bacon or spicy stuff while Virgil very much stuck to carrots and cucumber dipped into guacamole and similar things. Logan attended to salty nacho crisps with his beloved guacamole he seemed to only really share with Virgil.  
Not that anyone minded.  
Patton alternated between sugary chocolate things. They looked like donuts but in so tiny, the hole did not even fit a pinky through, It was entirely made of some sort of dark milk chocolate and the backside was flat while the top had sprinkle on it that looked like matte pearls of pure sugar and mouth-watering sweetness. Other than that, he sometimes helped himself to the cheese flips they had together.  
   
There was no dinner, they just ate all the snacks and little things they had in front of them.  
   
When the film was close to ending, the twist hit them and the protagonist finally made it to a better life. As Roman had predicted, Patton was smiling and ‘aww’-ing at the courageous actions of the character. She had finally grown out of her problems and taken the initiative to love herself and put her own needs and matters first.  
Currently, the protagonist was moving to another place and when she checked in at the counter, she was met with a smile by a nice person with dark skin and tired eyes.  
Work had to be hard in these positions.  
He gave her the documents back and greeted her with the scripted ‘’Welcome to our country’’-phrase he probably had to say to every person to pass through on his watch.  
   
She smiled and started tearing up while Patton squeaked and threw his arms around Roman to hug him.  
Virgil was curled up into himself and right next to Logan on the other side of the couch. When the It student heard the first sniffles, he blinked in surprise.  
   
Usually, Roman and Patton were the emotional ones who would sniffle and laugh and throw marshmallows at the TV while begging the characters to act other than their roles were scripted. Itw as a fruitless endeavour and nothing came from it, naturally, yet they always kept doing it.  
For this time, however, Virgil was sniffling. The sound came from the left side where Virgil was hugging his legs, snacks abandoned and face buried in his knees as his eyeliner started running down his cheeks.  
   
That was new.  
That was pretty new.  
Sure, when he had met him during this night (‘met’ was probably the wrong word considering Logan had come to his home, to his room), he had seen Virgil cry for the first and only time.  
It had not been pretty but tears never were.  
   
His mind was filled with confusion as Virgil wiped his sleeve over his eyes and tried to muffle his own sounds by blocking his mouth with his jacket part that covered his arm.  
Logan gently nudged him and Roman stood up after putting the snacks aside and he stretched with an exaggeratedly loud sigh that seemed stage-worthy.  
No wonder he was so dramatic when he literally worked in the theatre department of the university and acted alongside his students.  
   
‘’I told you this film would be great! Did you like the ending? We h-a-v-e to talk about it’’, he declared quickly and Virgil shrunk into himself.  
The punk barely glanced over at Logan but there was no response and Patton seemed to just need a moment.  
   
‘’Kiddo, you okay?’’  
   
The ball flinched but did not move for a moment before his tear-streaked face rose from his knees.  
   
‘’uh, sure’’, he proposed vaguely. His voice was rather shaky but it was forced into a more stable stance as he looked up and shrugged.  
 Logan was not exactly the ideal interpreter of social cues but he was rather sure that the curled up position and the hugging of the own legs was a rather defensive action. Especially when he considered how much Virgil looked like someone threatening to fire bombs as he leaned over the wall of his precious castle just enough for others to see him.  
   
His words were still mildly blocked his knees. His legs seemed to extend arms for his words and embrace them rather than let them leave his proximity.  
The bookshelf artist did not exactly know what was up but he just suspected that maybe Roman was right about films having a special effect on people after all. Patton had been sniffling as well and Roman himself looked like used to be a balloon but finally let out some air that had left him tensed up and rigid.  
   
Logan softly ghosted his hands over the nape of Virgil’s neck and looked at him. He leaned in just a bit, then lowered his voice so it would stay between him and his friend only.  
‘’Do you want to talk?’’, he asked softly, voice smothered into a breathless plead more than a proposition.  
   
The punk shrugged and let out a sigh. His hands moved up and down his legs as if to warm them into a little fire.  
Logan waited patiently until the other leaned closer and nodded.  
   
Patton and Roman were in the kitchen, obviously ushered away by the tension in the air and the intimacy Logan had displayed.  
Virgil gently let his right travel over to Logan’s side and he let out a breath of relief before he took his hand and squeezed it.  
Another big breath. Deep, hollow at the same time.  
   
He carefully dipped his head upwards, leaning a little against Logan’s side as his body staggered aimlessly like a confused, wasted bullet on a last warning shot.  
‘’Promise I am fine’’, he muttered and cleared his throat. His words sounded as if they were covered by something that filtered the truth from what he tried to convey. It almost sounded ugly but his words seemed to make up for the missing shine.  
Or Logan just wanted to believe him and his words. His friend would not lie to him after all, now would he?  
   
He heard another heavy breath, like shackles around his tongue. The words were still trembling but his lips seemed to move with grace like a calculating performer, a dancer who was born to evoke and rolled into the world instead of being dragged into it or cradled close.  
Virgil licked his lips. His small, curved mouth smoothly moved, fleeing from his piercings until he retreated back into place and pulled at the rings with his teeth.  
   
The voice sounded again, nearly echoing like an angelic sound when Logan could catch it with his ears.  
‘’I am..happy.’’  
A scoff followed the soft words and Logan felt himself dipped into the velvet of yogurt-like sensations on his skin. Cool, smooth, luxurious to his skin and carefully travelling over his skin with slow movements as it draped itself over his body, covering his whole form. Then it was warm, so warm and loose like a burning heater in a cold winter’s night.  
It was crackling and sizzling, his heart whistled like boiled water ready for the last ingredient, the part that came from the outside - the teabag to make water more than it used to be, more than it seemed to be made out for.  
   
A sob broke from the punk but a smile was on his face and Logan carefully brought his arms around him.  
‘’Being happy is good. It is good, you deserve to be happy, Virgil’’, Logan assured him.  
He did not know whether his coworker need it but he knew that it was true. He let his heart speak and for a moment, his mind was only the tool for providing words rather than the executive control of his actions. His mind was an agent to his heart, it acted for his feelings and pronounced what his deepest wishes seemed to be.  
It expressed thoughts he had never realised to be living in his pounding chest.  
   
‘’I-...’’, Virgil started but his thrilling breath caught him off and he took another drag of air around him. It was so so thin to him, his mind started getting dizzy with too much already, ‘’you too, nerd.’’  
Logan blinked at the words and felt his lips splitting for a quick snicker as his chest seemed to be punched with the impact of Virgil’s words.  
The element of surprise seemed to inhabit his friend and it never ceased to get to him.  
   
‘’I am happy. I am happy with you and I am happy that you are happy, really.’’  
   
It was Virgil’s turn to snort at the other and he glanced at him, a warm lambency flaring from him as he let his golden sunshine eyes rest on Logan’s appearance for just a moment.  
His head was twisted to the side so he rested the side of it on his knees and stared into Logan’s soul without effort, without even attempting to do so.  
It just was. It happened simply and honestly right then and there between the two students.  
   
‘’I just.. I am happy to be here’’, Virgil explained softly, the words slowly dancing in the air between them, twirling and cheering as they seductively closed in and eventually settled in Logan’s blood pump.  
‘’I have waited so long to be happy and now it is here and I can barely believe I deserve it, Log. Sometimes I just look around this place and it feels like a lie, it feels like a facade before it will all inevitably break down onto me and stop being good because life is not like that.’’  
   
He sighed and gave the other another weak smile.  
   
‘’It is so nice’’, he sniffled before he continued, his voice gaining more and more weight the more he said. The shaky sensation long gone and instead having been replaced by the density of truth, ‘’It is just so nice to come home and there is silence and community.’’  
   
Logan nodded seriously.  
He had suspected it before and his heart clenched as his mind ticked his suspicion. Virgil had been mistreated in his life before. Neglected and isolated from happiness and stability everyone needed and deserved.  
   
‘’Your previous roommates, they -’’, he started but cut himself off as Virgil leaned back against the couch and broke from Logan’s arms, determining the sweet contact of their union.  
‘’They were your family?’’  
   
Virgil bit his lip, the side where he had no holes pierced through his skin for aesthetic purposes.  
‘’I don’t really um.. I mean.. no. They were not. Just people I met. I never met my biological parents anyway but as far as I know, the mother died pretty soon after I came to life and the father was in jail or still is. I mean, I know he still is but I don’t know whether he was even then but probably, if not on the way.’’  
   
He sighed carefully and shrugged.  
   
‘’Anyway, I do have a family kinda thing so I better give some sign of life and get ready so I can do the happy thing, you know?’’, he said and Logan narrowed his eyes, his mouth slightly agape.  
   
Virgil nodded.  
‘’Yeah, kind of like that, you get me.’’  
He gave him the softest of smiles, so faint and precious Logan was not even sure it was there but with that, the other got off the couch and disappeared into their shared room.  
   
 It only took a few minutes during which Patton and Roman cleared the table and settled back with Logan again.  
‘’Hey Logan, where is the kiddo gone to?’’, Patton asked as he cuddled up once more, this time between Roman and Logan and he let out the curly giggles that spiraled up the scale of adorableness as they went on.  
His faintly freckled hands carefully wrapped around the other two males who flanked him.  
   
Logan licked his lips and shrugged.  
‘’According to him, there is a >>family thing<< he needs to attend’’, he informed. His words came out as neatly printed as they were flat. Just black and white on paper, it was just that simple.  
Patton’s eyebrows carefully knitted together s if trying to merge. It was a sight like two cars closing in so much that it felt dangerous and nearly painful to watch.  
   
The nerd averted his eyes and sighed.  
‘’Aw! But we usually play board games together! Now we have to wait until I have time again’’, Patton pouted in protest.  
He knew it was a fruitless effort but his bottom lip slowly peeked out from under his upper one and his mouth quivered just a bit like a shaky line drawn by a person who was anything but sober.  
   
Roman huffed.  
‘’Did he not know about that? This is tradition! First a movie and then games!’’  
Patton sighed but shrugged, obviously defeated as his lips curled downwards and Logan’s chest tightened just a bit as he saw his best friend so upset over the minuscule inconvenience.  
Virgil was not the usual part of this ritual, this little tradition that happened whenever Patton’s work let them and they usually dropped everything just to spend this time together. It had been how Roman and Logan had met and eventually decided to somewhat be friends and spend them together by staying in a shared flat.  
   
Still, knowing that Virgil was about to be invited and absorbed into their history-heavy tradition that was the essential bonding time between them all, it kind of felt wrong, it felt like a void was there just building the yawn of a seemingly bottomless abyss.  
Logan knew that a bottomless abyss was nothing but a hole, a void, but it felt just like that. It was gaping and destructive and it seemed to grow in size and severity with every waking moment spent in this situation.  
Like holding Virgil’s right hand after he had held the left and was left with so little him, and so much pain instead, so much unfilled potential and so much that he could be, so much he could fill but did not because as much as he wanted to, he was not actually enabled to do fix up everything that was missing.  
   
Just on cue, the punk ducked out of the room and dipped into the living-room like a kid dipped their finger into the baking batter when their parents were watching but decided to let it slide with silence and comment with nothing more but thoughts.  
‘’Hey, Log imma-’’, he started with a certain hop in his voice until he stopped, his tracks dead and his voice deflated for a moment. He continued with a more gloomy touch to his words, the excitement veiled by a certain blockade he had put up by now, ‘’what..is happened here?’’  
   
Patton retreated his arms and looked over at Virgil and smiled with his lips spreading over his cheeks with a force that was clearly forced. It appeared to be effortless but it was hollow, lacking any sort enthusiasm.  
‘’Oh kiddo, look! We usually play games after the film together and sometimes we watch another but it has been a bit of time so we started playing more than watching films, you know?’’  
   
Virgil’s eyes lost all the light that had been instilled in him and a dark shadow hushed over his face in a moment of panic.  
‘’Oh, ... oh fuck, I did not know! ‘’, he exclaimed immediately and guarded his chest with one arm wrapped around it while his other arm curled over his abdomen, his fingers buried in the exterior of his squishy sports bag that was strapped over his right shoulder and hung from there.  
‘’It is alright. We can play next time when you have time! Logan said you are busy?’’  
   
Virgil shuffled on the spot, his legs giving in a bit as they felt weak. His heart and his knees seemed to sink in wobbly powerlessness.  
‘’Uh,, yeah.. I mean, yes. It- it is a fam-fa...family thing n all. I -.. I might be gone u-until tomorrow or or the day a-after’’, he explained with a shaky voice. The newbie inhaled deeply as he took a little speaking break, ‘’I um,... I am gonna sleep over and then I have exercise and uh, .. I might meet my partner and all and it has been a while and shit..’’  
He looked down at his feet before he glanced into the vague direction of the three who happened to stare their eyes into his soul.  
   
Patton clapped his hands together and Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin, his head jerking up to face the source of sound with an antsy anticipation covering his usually nonchalant and slightly mischievous facial features.  
The master student noted it with just another moment of hesitation before he offered the other a sweetened smile and his hands pulled apart to face Virgil’s direction with his palms.  
He was harmless, really! Sharks killed more people than he ever did!  
‘’Aw! Have fun with your friends and family, kiddo! I am sure they all missed you a bunch and cannot wait to see you again and hug you a lot!’’  
   
The cheerfulness was back to Patton’s face.  
Maybe the genuine answer from Virgil had eased up his mood and straightened the worries and sadness he had held in his chest before the explanation had been provided.  
Maybe the panic in Virgil’s voice had him appreciate the fact that he was going to a place he wanted to be at, a place where he was welcomed and comfortable.  
   
‘’uh..tha-thanks, thank you, really’’, he stuttered out quickly and carefully marched over to the door, taking a huge bow around the trio.  
   
‘’Oh! Wait kiddo! Wait!’’, Patton called out immediately but his voice softened as soon as the first word had escaped his mouth and sent jolts through the addressed person’s body.  
‘’Ah, sorry for being so loud’’, he apologised as he jumped to his feet and quickly retrieved a stack of papers from the table, ‘’there you go. The landlord gave us a seasonal update on rent. We don’t have to pay in December so we only have to pay our bills. I will send you the invoice and check it with you, don’t worry. You will not have to pay more than the rest of us.’’  
   
Virgil carefully extended his hand to curl his fingers around the papers that were stapled together by the edge. On the right side, not the left side as it was per usual.  
A bright pink note was plastered over the contract, his name on it and some signs that made up a little message.  
   
‘’I thought that it was yours. Given the name and the language nobody here understands.’’  
Patton smiled at him and shifted on his legs for a moment, his face looking unruly, somewhat excited for something he had not revealed just yet.  
‘’Kiddo can I get a hug before you leave? I just really want to squish you right now!’’  
   
The punk bit his left piercing and shrugged before he put the contract away. Fucking Kyle was being a damn saint with their stupid initiatives.  
‘’Go for it, strike me with your love, dad’’, he joked.  
   
Boi, did he not expect the impact of his words.  
Patton’s whole face lit up like Christmas decoration, especially the fairy lights that would illuminate a whole pine tree cut down for the sake of being a dying ornament. His freckles seemed to glow in lovely delight and his face scrunched up like a cute kitten sneezing or an adorable pooch expressing their affection for their caretakers.  
‘’Aw!! kiddo!’’, he squealed and Logan covered his ears instantly, fearing more sounds to wreck his hearing abilities, ‘’of course I will!!’’  
   
He threw himself, his body that was a steel wall dressed in a walking cotton candy hug of love and nostalgic kid dreams, into Virgil with a force that made the other drop his bag and lose the air in his lungs with an unironic ‘’oof’’ that was knocked out of him.  
Arms wrapped around him and quickly lifted him just a tad off his feet and Virgil mentally noted just how strong and unbelievably gay this moment was when he hesitantly drew his arms around the soft soft sweater-ed man that wrapped around him like a fluffy blanket on a cold winter night.  
   
‘’Hey Pat’’, he chuckled and buried his face in the giant’s big collar that brushed over him with the comfort of a beloved childhood plushie you would hold dear from the good old days when all was good, if not better at least.  
The other replied with the soft soft puddle noises the giant let out. It kind of reminded him of videos with moms cuddling their toddlers and complementing their babies when they did something cute or funny, sometimes both.  
Patton made him feel all kinds of fuzzy warm feelings inside and it was so profound that whenever thy hugged, Virgil felt like life was a little more complete and less sucky. It was just ... it was okay when Patton hugged him.  
Everything was okay.  
   
The punk carefully patted his friend’s back.  
They were friends, right? He did not know whether he would just let some random person hug him but then again, they had met and Patton had instantly given him a hug (with much consent and secret euphoria, actually).  
Maybe it was a therapy thing but Patton just gave him these vibes of.. of home. A home he had not have when he was younger but now.. perhaps now he did.  
   
Patton took the pat as initiation to end the whole procedure and he carefully lowered the smaller student with a bright smile flashing at him.  
‘’Sorry kiddo, I tend to overdo it a bit’’, he apologised with a sheepish smile playing on his lips like the sensual curves of an attractive datemate, ‘’you okay?’’  
   
Virgil felt his heart thump so loud, he feared he ‘’Tell-tale heart’’ becoming a truth to his life.  
His cheeks were warm. Warm like Patton’s hugs and Virgil just felt so incredibly vulnerable to the touch, he could feel his eyes tear up.  
This was all so much.  
‘’I am good’’, he squeaked in reply and carefully hugged his body when he was released and the punk ungracefully stumbled backwards with insecurity marking his trembling steps.  
Something unruly was in his demeanour but the candy man could not quite place it.  
Man... Patton was like the human manifestation of a marshmellow, he casually realised as he quickly found the strap to his bag and pull at it before it glided out of his grip and hit the floor just to be pulled into his hands again and finally be strapped over his shoulder with a quickened glance over the psychology student one more time.  
   
Patton was giving him a look. While not directly suspicious, it was bordering on scolding and it held that ..concern? Yeah, the dirty glass green eyes of this caring man were darkened by the heavy concern he felt for the other.  
It felt like a vague promise, the extra squeeze at the end of a handshake before a guidance counsellor would finally let you go back to class or return home.  
   
‘’Really’’, he assured. His voice seemed to stumble like a drunk idiot who navigated themself through the streets when the streetlights were on but they forgot so their eyes were squeezed shut.  
The walking hug pressed his lips together and Virgil and he just stared into each others orbs for a moment.  
Eventually, Patton nodded and put his cheery smile back on.  
   
‘’Okay kiddo! I would hate to hurt you!’’, he repeated softly.  
It was one of these things he said almost every time they talked. Sometimes they barely exchanged any content and he still said this. It was yet another of these things that made Virgil feel short of breath and it terrible need of a break from all these feelings and all this confusion in his chest, his lung... and his mind.  
Virgil let his lips twitch into one direction for a brief moment but his golden sunshine eyes seemed to gleam with just a grain more of enthusiasm.  
   
He turned to leave and walk away but Logan stopped him this time, calling out to him in a voice he has never heard and for some reason, it gave him a wobbly, foggy feeling.  
The art student turned around, worry glazing his honey eyes with a bit of hesitance. Something.. just something about how Logan called him felt so severe to him like a final goodbye.  
   
Logan was standing, still around the couch area and even Princey looked over at him, unable to ignore the tension in the air.  
   
‘’Are you going to be safe?’’, he asked.  
   
Virgil’s eyes closed with a quick blink. He felt his hands adjusting the strap around his left shoulder and he nodded carefully.  
’’They would die for me, Logan. I know it.’’  
And then he left with the thud of the door and the rustling sounds of his clothing rubbing together and his sports bag falling against his legs as he walked.  
   
The three were left in a pressing silence.  
Roman was the first to speak up.  
‘’Logan, why would you ask that?’’  
The nerd did not answer and Patton simply sighed, his mind filled with horrible ideas and quotes from actual people that had talked to him, had talked to Emile about all their trouble and struggle.  
   
‘’Now Roman, I guess this is none of our business’’, he chastised softly with a slightly more obvious scold to his tone.  
Logan straightened his shirt and flexed his shoulders while Patton returned to their couch and carefully cuddled up between them.  
‘’I do not know’’, he admitted eventually as he let his body sink against Patton’s shoulder and sighed, ‘’Virgil is nearly as much of a mystery to me as he is to you.’’  
   
The psychology student narrowed his eyes at his friends and gently brought his arms around both men’s shoulders.  
’’Let him open up. I am sure you will get to know him better if you just give him time and space. He seems like a little mouse in a big city centre and that can be really scary and exciting.’’  
   
The youngest of the three sighed and shrugged before he closed his eyes and leaned back against his best friend.  
He loved Patton. He did not know how the other was just so wise and still so clueless and oblivious at the same time but he was filled with glee about having him in his life and being able to lay down and relax on him and his advice. He could take all the time to dwell on his words and Patton would never, had never in their time together, pushed him into opening up when he was not ready.  
   
‘’Hey pocket protector’’, Roman started, his voice unusually soft. It felt more like a breeze than a strong and impressive wind that - while short despite the intensity - would disappear upon its initial appearance. Now it was a gently nudge as little wake-up call instead of loud drilling sounds of an annoying construction side starting up way too early to be humanly acceptable.  
‘’Are you gonna ask him out?’’  
   
Patton nearly gasped as the body on his lap was instantly stiffening so much, it felt more like a wooden log on his body rather than a person cuddling with him and holding his hand like it was the most fragile treasure in the whole universe.  
He watched Logan divide his lips for a split moment before he closed them again, pressing his mouth shut and letting his eyebrows twitch together to bump into one another for a brief moment of extreme energy fueling their movements.  
It was kind of like giving a car too much gas at once.  
Silence weighed over them for a moment. It was a horrendous moment. Long and stretched like the abomination of a horror-borne monster that was exclusively made to disgust and terrify people just by being mentioned, hence triggering the mental image of it.  
It lingered, it stayed. Once it left, it was still resting in their minds, and if not there, they remained a large burden in their hearts.  
   
‘’Roman, I do not..Ro-’’, but he was already interrupted by a certain thespian jerking into a sitting position and startling his human pillow enough to have him become an uncomfortable cushion to Logan at last.  
‘’You do not what? Come on, Microsoft turd! I see you like him, you know it and Patton sees it too and you are sitting here, letting him go somewhere, you do not even know anything about him.’’  
   
Logan sat up, preparing to speak but Roman was already fired up, cheeks warm and words flaming.  
‘’You like him, just get it together and do something so you can get to know him. Logan, come on, you are such a disaster gay and I do not know how you are just sitting here, pretending to be all sad about it when you never really try to do shit with him. I do not even get how Patton puts up with living with a complete stranger. We know nothing about him!’’  
Roman took a short breath, his cheeks puffing up in red rage, pent up like a fully blown balloon that was not tied up but let go and all came out at once, with long and loud farting sounds because this was about as much as Logan heard when the other continued.  
   
‘’You are just letting him be over here and you know nothing, absolutely nothing. He could kill you in your sleep! I swear, he does not sleep and he is always on and about - I can hear him come and go at night, I am closest to the front door with my room. You invited him over to stay because you have the hots for him and you are still to scared to admit it when you could just say something and stop putting us at risk.’’  
   
Patton gave Roman a gaze. He was in a house, a house that was on fire and the stairs were blocked and the elevator should not be used and the levels underneath him were already caught up in hot burning flames while he was staring down the window, seeing the concrete reach out for him.  
‘’Now, let us not judge like this. He is really sweet and ever since he came, we got that precious sweetie handing us the contract with rent as collective winter gift’’, Patton softly advocated and Logan huffed in response.  
‘’And that makes it possible for you to go home despite the holiday bonus being insecure this year. I mean, that is really good. And he cooks with me and gives really soft hugs. He cleans and has a job, he pays the pills and never lets anything slip up or lay around. Roman, he is really nice. If you are worried, you can get to know him too, you know? I bet he would be happy to make another friend and you would probably like him.’’  
   
Roman glared at Logan and when he looked over at Patton, the fierce green in his eyes seemed to soften. The wind in his sails was taken out by the off-handed look on Patton’s face and he felt a hand reach out to his and squeeze it.  
...It was his time to sigh and before Logan could fire out a response, Roman slumped back against Patton.  
   
‘’I .. I don’t know him, man. I just don’t know him and I don’t trust him’’, he pouted, his arms crossed over his broad chest as he huffed at the air and let himself fall against Patton’s shoulder.  
‘’And what if he is a mean guy? Because he certainly looks like a mean guy and I do not feel like welcoming one in our home! I mean.. come on.’’  
The thespian took a deep breath and let his arms slide out of position just a bit.  
‘’He is all creepy with his behaviour, all odd and mysterious and such and I do not like him! He is always so.. so edgy with me’’, he confessed, his words assembling around the ‘’edgy’’ as they emphasised it and held it up like the whole sentence was just made to make this point and nothing else.  
   
Logan carefully let himself rest back against the couch but he did not take Patton’s hand. Just the thought of it gave him the chills and he tried his best to keep his shoulders in place as the shiver ran down his spine and shook his upper body like a wind chime was rattled by the wind.  
   
‘’Roman, you are being ri-.. you are being irrational. If he wanted to hurt us, he would have done this right from the start. He knows me, he works with me and we study together and it sounds very much like he is on a scholarship’’, he started.  
Roman nodded and Logan nearly smiled.  
There was still hope.  
‘’He is being rather secretive and while that may raise suspicion, please be aware that I do work with him and share a room together with Virgil. We spend much time together and recent events lead me to believe that he is, indeed, a trustworthy person with a set of his own morals and principles. ‘  
   
The nerd turned to look at Roman and he leaned over just a bit, Patton carefully nudging the other and offering his hand again.  
The actor took it and gave the caring elder a little smile before he gave Logan his most neutral expression. Emotions stormed within him but he did not push anything into the situation to fuel any more distress.  
‘’I am sorry I called you Microsoft turd. It is just’’, he looked at his hand that Patton was not holding with one of his large and unbelievably welcoming hands. A strange kind of pain seemed to strike through him, a pain that was his but also not his at all.  
‘’I do not know him and I do not want my friend to get hurt but he comes and goes at all times, we do not know any of his friends or his family. We do not know anything. I know you guys and you two grew up together. And he.. he just comes and suddenly we get rent for free for a whole month and a discount for the following. Those are weird things happening. And he is away so much for someone who studies. We... We just do not know anything about him and we wanted to change that to night and now he left.’’  
   
Logan shrugged.  
‘’I, however, did find out things about him after this film, Roman. Perhaps you find our time to be wasted, still, I do perceive our relationship to be more open ever since the day I brought him here. I may not be the most’’, he paused for a moment, possibly searching his mental library for suitable term to fit his expectation, ‘’socially-skilled person on this planet but I do recognise a person opening up to me. And he started doing this much more lately. I am sure I can have him talk a bit more to me but if you are concerned about this so much, I would propose another of Patton’s family nights or flatmate activities to warm up to one another - so to speak.’’  
   
 Patton sucked in a breath and released an audible smile as soon as he exhaled again.  
How were smiles audible? Well, it was obvious Patton magic. He just had his way with people to make things work. Maybe it was this affective presence that people talked about, apparently it gave people positive feelings and made them like you a lot - to simplify it by a bunch. Not that human beings and their interactions ever were that easy.  
However, Patton made them easy - or at least made them seem to be oh so simple when, in reality, they were not. Not even in the slightest, especially not when you were Logan who could barely fulfil surface interactions. But being Roman was just as hard, a person who was everybodies’ darling but somehow not really a dear to just one person, no matter how hard he tried.  
   
And Patton was just between them, sitting there and connecting them as he took their hands and squeezed them with his broadening smile.  
‘’You know what, kiddos? You are starting to think just right! I will ask him whether he wants to make it this or next week. I will get my work thing together and see whether I can make it work, alright? You two, too?’’  
He flashed them adorable smiles and Logan could not help but pull out his phone to check his calendar and try to peek into the work schedule so they would be able to see whether Virgil was working.  
   
‘’Got the message! I am sure he will reply when he is not so busy having fun!’’, he added, smile swinging in his voice and Roman chimed in with a silenced battle cry.  
‘’Alright! I don’t have rehearsals on the weekend until the end of November!’’, he informed and smirked at them, his fingers curling around one of the cartoon rectangles before him.  
   
‘’Anyone up for a round of our favourite game?’’, he asked and drew his arms to his chest, holding the board game in front of his chest with the cover facing the others.  
He was grinning like a honey bear and Patton quickly caught on to do the same.  
‘’No you’’ was about the greatest game they have ever played and, again, it was something Patton had come up with (since he had the adorable inventive mind of an unexpected genius) because he had wanted to get Logan and Roman to be friends or at least know each other a bit better when they had first moved in together.  
   
Now, it was a tradition and they all loved just relishing in the minutes and hours they would invest into the game.  
*  
   
   
   
 


	9. Every colour of the rainbow in my Heart and every Shade between black and grey in my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil brings Dee back home.   
> Logan is happy about finally meeting someone Virgil is friends with!  
> Patton joins them eventually and Dee seems to remember him from more than lectures on ethics and moral discussions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay. I suffered from some depressive phases and writer's block because of stress. I got the next chapter all finished up (literally did that five minutes ago) and we are closing in on the time when shit gets real!
> 
> I hope you had a great week and weekend. ♥ Enjoy the chapter. If you want me to add triggers, please message me (my tumblr is spacegayparty and spacegaywritings)

    
‘’Okay, shut up and be nice. They are nice, be nice.’’  
   
Virgil pulled the fabric around his shoulders closer to cover his chest. He was wearing his brother’s ... boyfriend’s (?) coat because apparently, the two thought that he would die without anything but his jacket covering him and while it was nice, he could not help but keep tearing at the fabric and shift in it.  
The coat was baby rose with golden stripes to it that made him look elegant and the unusual tightness accentuated his curves like he was some girl. Not that he minded too much but it was a little less his comfort when he knew he could just dig himself into the big fluffy yet torn jacket he had made and patched up himself. He had always loved it and it was the first thing he had made himself when he had come into the country.  
   
There were so many memories in the jacket, even if it was getting too thin for the outside temperatures.. He had not really calculated this and the last winter had been much warmer than this warm. Well, not too much but it milder compared to how cool it was already.  
Well, his unofficial dads would have none of it and now he was in this pink thing and he would love to just feel odd and humiliated about this but he was not.  
   
Not the slightest bit of insult chewed at his mind.  
He was probably just being some some dramatic, emotionally over-the-top guy with some unhealthy attachment to a jacket that literally hid away all his body and wildly enough, more than just his torso, no matter if zipped up or not.  
   
‘’Virgil, you look so calm about this’’, the voice next to him soothed with mock-scorn in it. The words seemed to curl around him and pull his hands away from the fabric.  
His grip around the folded part of the chest area loosened up and he let his hands slide down to his side. His hands curled up in fists for the blink of an eye and then immediately unclenched in frustration.  
‘’Yeah, hot take, man’’, he hissed out and stopped dead in his tracks just as the words had left his mouth, ‘’I mean- no... You .. Aw, fuck. You are right.’  
   
The punk sighed and pushed his hands into his face, then have his fingers run through his hair.  
He really needed to dye that shit again, seriously. It was getting ridiculous. He used to have such nice blue tips to his purple hair and now it was just a floof of dark hair and a faded, nearly pastel, purple.  
Well, he kinda liked the faded colour but the intense one was just as nice, but in another way.  
His fingers tugged at the roots for a moment and he let himself rest against the wall behind him.  
   
They were just about a few steps away from home and he was too nervous to get all this shit done.  
It was not that his partner was rude. That was utter bullshit. He was so much better at that whole social thing than he was because he actually knew how to not flip out and get all impulsive and lash out or just lock up and go nonverbal like he usually did. In the lighter versions of the bad cases. There were the worst worst cases and they were.. well, worse than the just bad or even worse ones.  
But with him there was a lot of potential to get bad and worse and such.  
It was just his nature, right?  
   
His fists clenched up again and a right hand curled around his left, a cool ring around the middle engulfed his fingers. The warmth came with time but the relief was an instant thing.  
Virgil looked up at his partner, his amazing partner who was just always there for his bullshit, right? He offered an apologetic smile as he slumped against the wall and let his head roll back to face his tall opponent.  
The man before him was a bit older than him, heck, she should be around Patton’s age. Her skin was dark, her hair alike and the jawline could fucking cut a bitch - it probably would if she could just take it out. All he could see was the ever-present little smile of superiority pausing on her full, plum lips.  
   
Honestly, this man was a crime and her looks were about the most illegal thing in the whole world.  
And the only reason she was not locked was that art was meant to be free, meant to be in the hands of someone who would appreciate and worship her for who she was, for who she could turn out to be with the right words and proper gestures towards her.  
   
The forbidden beauty let her fingers intertwine with Virgil’s and the smaller man just had to smile.  
‘’You know.. maybe it won’t be too bad, right?’’  
The other looked at him, mysteriously green eyes lingering in her eyes as she fired nonverbal clues at him.  
‘’Okay you are right, you always are. Now, how about that. I am going to send a storm of messages to my online friend and then we will go inside and just do that social thing and be a team and all and it will be fine because they said they would be happy and if not then they can ...’’  
   
His speech stopped, his mind still rattling but he was shooting with empty ammunition. It was just all triggering the weapon without ever giving the consequence of a shot anymore.  
   
‘’They can what, Virgil’’, the voice prompted, slithering up his arms and under his sleeves.  
Her voice was about as dark as here appearance. She was usually dressed in all sorts of black and dark grey colours and threw in one most flashy contrast. Usually, it would be yellow but that seemed to be more of a work thing for her.  
No, for Virgil, she often kept it a little lower. Maybe the yellow threw him off because he came off as naturally anxious and strong colours like that usually signified toxicity.  
   
Well, with these sharp biters in her mouth, she would be more than glad to share some more than just kisses and poison with her partner. Yet, this discussion was for another day.  
Her elegantly long and tender fingers were still cool compared to the hot sweat on Virgil’s palm but they seemed to even make his anxiety not even more bearable but somewhat even less miserable.  
It was just overall more ...more. More of all the good and the tasty, it was the finest of the finest and every step was a declaration of strength and confidence.  
   
How was he, the panicking mess number 34, so close and intimate with a top one mastermind and eye catcher? Well, he would never understand but he would also never question it. He did not have the breath for it because she usually stole his mind, his heart and his words along with his air whenever their dark eyes met and exchanged the deep secrets of their souls in their slow, sensual dances.  
   
Virgil felt the confidence of her somewhat just seep into him and he drank it up, absorbed all the warmth and comfort in her eyes and pulled out his phone, quickly unlocking it and typing away a string of messages.  
It was cheesy and he should probably care a little less than he did but he did have that nice online friend. It was just that one guy and they had met because this guy had been looking for some advice on band tickets for his best friend or something.  
Kinda cute, really.  
It was back when he had been in another country, void of all the support he had now. He had seen the request and just shot back, not caring too much but after some discussion, that guy had stayed around and had talked about wanting to make it up to him, someday. Somehow.  
   
Virgil felt his lips turn up into a smile at the idea.  
He knew he would feel better by just texting him a bit. The nickname alone made him nearly snicker because it was just so silly.  
She waited patiently for him, eyes roaming over his body, obviously pleased he looked less like a raccoon and a little trash man in his oversized, baggy clothing that fit him literally about as good as a trash bag.  
   
A few more moments and the rapid finger tapping was done with. The art student locked his phone with another glance at his friend’s profile. Then it disappeared into his pocket and he let his golden eyes flash back at his precious little doe. Just as graceful and silent.  
She was beauty in itself.  
Their hands clapsed together again, left and right connected and Virgil slowly lead them over to the door so he could open the front and let Logan and the others meet his partner, meet the person he was about closest to without being related or whatever odd thing.  
   
‘’You know, I would be jealous if I did not know about you two being far away and totally platonic with one another’’, she spoke with a certain melody to her words.  
Whenever she spoke, it was more singing than talking anyway. There was a rhythm, a lead and rhyme to all she said and if it was just the content in it that rhymed together and clicked into a sense that did not occur to anyone else.  
It was the little language between them , more and more cues invisible and unreadable to all the other strangers around them.  
   
‘’Like you got any reason to ever be jealous’’, Virgil cooed softly, a little smile on his sparkling mouth. The clicking mischief around them was nearly tangible.  
He leaned in a bit, rolling onto his tippy toes to let his edgy mouth cover her artistic atmosphere and ave them melt into one creative, snarky mess of an argument for just a few moments, for just a few minutes of letting the world around them shut down and slow into the rhythm of their lips moving.  
   
It was when they heard a voice that they were harshly grabbed by reality and thrown into the moment that had not actually slowed down for them.  
Someone cleared their throat.  
It was elongated, direct and so full itself that it just had to be that one person who could announce himself in a single sound and already declare his greatness and whole character in just a little gesture.  
   
‘’Princey’’, Virgil stated, somber.  
   
 Virgil stumbled backwards to make space between him and Declyn while Roman stood before them, giving them a quizzical look but there was at least no more than this.  
He crossed his arms over his chest, the sports bag at this side was dangling in echo of his movements.  
   
‘’What is the deal? Never seen a guy kiss?’’, he fired back, his voice as heated as his cheeks as he stared at the space between him and Roman’s shoes.  
His body was leaning against the wall behind him. It was more of a corner but he got comfortable according to his own standards and his bottom lip was pulled in by his teeth once more as he stubbornly stared into the ground.  
   
Declyn observed the scene before her with stale interest and clicked her tongue.  
‘’Hey honey, how about you get me inside first? We had a deal after all’’, she encouraged and it seemed to do enough to get Virgil to stop his odd sulking procedure and spring back to life and pull out his keys to unlock the door.  
At the same time, his precious beauty side-eyed Roman with slightly parted lips, mouth plum and painted in art as always.  
   
‘’You are living with Virgil?’’, her harmonious voice inquired, putting a special emphasis on the last word, the last name. There was a bonfire in her pronunciation whenever she let ‘’Virgil’’ roll off her tongue like a heavy yet satisfying task.  
True beauty takes time, true beauty was a matter of patience and performance and whenever she said his name, her tongue would dance and her vocal chords would be played by her precious voice. She gave his name a sound to it that made him worthy of being an artist more than his works of art actually did and whenever she let her voice edge into a sharpness as she rose the pitched for the ‘’gil’’ part, his heart would jump like a wounded animal.  
   
She was guilty of nothing more but hitting him in the feeling with every breath she took and the way her chest would raise and fall in the rhythmical tide of her own life and rest.  
Virgil would easily commit to being her partner in crime if it meant feeling her electric touches and seeing these dark brown eyes more historical than earth itself.  
   
Chit-chat filled the room but Virgil heard nothing after his name, his heart pounding in his ears as his blood was rushing in, firing up his cheeks and leaving a pinkish flush all over his face. Words of introduction were exchanged, names being spilled like the tea of scalding gossip.  
Roman and Dee were talking, he could hear their voices and the change of pitch. There was the roughness in Roman’s voice. It was still smooth and melodic but there was something raw and pure in it that reminded him of unwashed, unpeeled carrots being eaten just like that.  
On the other hand, there was the soothing water of Declyn’s voice, a healing hand to every symphony as she wrote the opera of life with her twitches and eye blinks.  
   
The lock clicked, letting the heavy sound echo through the staircase like the swing of fate landing on you.  
Inevitable.  
   
Virgil’s head jerked up and he immediately felt a warm hand on the space between his shoulder blades. It was so close to his little, sensitive heart and he nodded in acknowledgement at the soft touches through his coat.  
Stupid coat was warm and funny but thick enough to separate him from the feeling of Declyn’s hand around the start of his spine.  
The relief of an opened door and being home at last was paired with the sensation that enforced just how supported and loved he was by his partner and he peeped back at him before he pushed the door open to be met with the smell of heavenly sweetness that almost made him drool like a pavloved dog upon hearing the bell jingle and ring for him to announce nothing but an example of classic conditioning.  
Shoes shuffled and were eventually discarded in order to not bring any dirt far into the home.   
‘’Welcome back! You got the nuts for our biscuits?’’, a voice called. Sweet and angelic just as Patton usually was.  
   
Wait, did that mean they would do the funny winter baking shit like families did and all?  
   
The punk carefully stepped inside and made space for Dee and Roman to hop right into the warmth of a cozy home that was prepared by lovely Patton and his giant ginger hands that were always ready to treat and grace all pain and stroke it away.  
Roman quickly pushed past, the door shutting behind him with another loud sound that made Virgil jump just a slightest bit.  
At least he was not imploding with every step he could hear and see the thespian take around him.  
   
The three took their shoes off and Declyn gave Virgil a meaningful look which the other returned with a certain level of confusion before Patton moved into sight, meeting Roman half-way.  
‘’You did not tell me you lived with Patton’’, Dee mused with a certain depth in her voice.  
Virgil frowned for a moment but the attention was promptly on him and his partner as Patton sent their roommate into the kitchen with a hearty ‘’you are a true knight in shining armour!’’  
   
Roman’s full laugh could be heard from inside the kitchen and a little warmth rose in Virgil’s chest.  
Maybe it was not so bad, maybe it was not such a threat and it would be all right and fine after all.  
   
Maybe  
   
Who knew?  
   
Maybes have not gotten him too far in life but perhaps this was less of a maybe because it could be but more or a probably because it very well might just be true. Because life makes it likely and it does not seem impossible and new things are awaiting, trying to make it all better than it used to be.  
   
Maybe.  
   
‘’You know Pat-’’, the small adolescent asked before the ginger giant was finally ready to welcome them fully and he let his arms spread, showing off the worn off apron that invited them all into Logan’s personal hell kitchen of puns. ‘’All you knead is love’’, was written in neat cursive that spread over Patton’s broad chest like a neat thong being stripped over a full bloom of butt. That guy needed a better apron that would look a little less scarce on his body but it still suited him. Patton was the buff lumberjack who was sweet and lovely but looked like he could kill you when he was actually a true cinnamon roll.  
   
The ginger man seemed to visually purr like a cat when he saw the two guests and he balanced from one foot to the other as he looked like an excited child on their birthday.  
‘’Virgil, kiddo! I am so happy to see you and - Declyn! You are Virgil’s friend? It is so great to see you again!’’, he chirped like a chipper bird during the first rays of the sun kissing the day into existence with a strong feeling.  
He stepped closer now, face broad with a smile so wide it was almost cartoonish. And he had thought Princey was the dramatic actor but it seemed quite different. Both were emotional and appeared to be more intense than any other person to ever feel but they were different in how it showed.  
   
The baking giant stopped before them, waiting for Virgil to give him a sign that it was alright to hug him and the punk gave him a smile as he realised that the awkward slightly bent-over position came from him indicating yet not executing the physical interaction with him out of pure respect.  
Virgil shrugged his bag off and leaned in to receive his hug before Dee stretched out her hand to shake it.  
   
Patton stopped before her but the little interruption was quickly overridden by her catching on the gesture and he quickly caught the hand with his own and gave the new guest a soft handshake with as little strength in it.  
Dee’s hands looked porcelain-puppet small as she let one of them be shaken by Patton’s large palms before the little greeting ritual was over.  
   
‘’Patton, you know so many people, it is insane. How come you know Declyn?’’, Roman asked as he unpacked a little white bag Virgil had not noticed before.  
Quick shopping for all the baking? He could see nuts, several kinds like almonds and hazelnuts as much as walnuts and such.  
Virgil liked nuts.  
Was that another one of these psychic tricks? Patton just guess or rather simply knowing what he and Dee liked because he was some insanely empathetic mind-reader who would see a person and just strip them off all their secrets.  
   
Or maybe he just wanted to bake biscuits with nuts in them. He had not even known Virgil would bring her as a guest.  
   
Speaking of which, Dee started speaking up and Virgil shifted next to her before she turned to him with a little smile and rose her hands to pick her black bowler hat. There was a lemon yellow band stripped around the base of the main piece.  
It was the most significant she would wear and there was rarely any moment she did not wear the hat which had become a real trademark for her.  
   
 ‘’Patton and I have a history’’, she started ominously, her voice taking a turn into the dark shadows the hat in her hands was now casting onto her fingers. It made them look even darker than before but to Virgil, they were just as beautiful.  
The punk gave him an experimental look, playful mockery pulling his lips into a lopsided grin like a car whose driver would only ever park it in an askew position. It was off but it was so regular, so normal and - in itself - kind of perfect.  
   
Dee gave him a playful smirk while Virgil pouted back at him until Dee was ready to snicker and Patton was already giggling to himself.  
‘’We met at the university right here!’’, Patton clarified for Roman to understand. Not that Virgil had really known that before but sometimes a situation did not need to be all cleared up. Sometimes the fun was all about being left in the dark and just tapping around while trying to make it.  
When you were right next to a precious person you could trust with your life, nothing seemed scary and everything in life was just simple.  
   
Virgil shrugged off his coat, finally feeling the heat of the heated inside sinking into his body enough to nearly make him sweaty despite the cold temperatures inside.  
The baby pink slipped from his shoulders just as Logan finally joined the kitchen. He took a moment to appreciate the sight before him with his observant eyes, cool blue calculating and mentally noting the new information for him to take it down in his notebook at a later time this day.  
He cleared his throat and Virgil turned around, a smile on his lips as he saw his roommate.  
   
‘’Oh, Logan! Meet Declyn - Declyn, this is Logan. We work together’’  
   
Dee stepped close enough for Logan and her to exchange a handshake as a greeting as they both repeated the socially accepted greetings and common phrases for introducing themselves to one another.  
‘’Virgil, Declyn, let me take your coats and things. I will bring them into the room’’, Patton offered and held out his hands with another smile as warm and welcoming as his hugs.  
The smaller male was more than ready to give his things over to the other, taking him up on the offer while Dee was still layered in her clothing, wine red trench coat being unbuttoned and then carefully being stripped off her arms with one helpful hand, then switching sides.  
She neatly folded the piece of clothing and handed it over to Patton as Virgil carefully gave the giant his bag.  
   
‘’My sincere gratitude, sweetie’’, Dee thanked him softly, words floating in the rhythm of a bird’s song, melodically swaying from one to another side and then twirling in its admiration for life itself.  
Virgil clumsily reached over to give Patton the bag at last. The ginger eagerly took it and disappeared into Logan’s and Virgil’s room, his hips swinging to the rhythm of Dee’s sugary sweet words.  
   
 Logan looked over the couple, his hair a curly mess and even his glasses seemed a little askew.  
   
“Hey L, you okay?”, Virgil asked, his voice sounded like a pillow dropping from the bed onto the floor.  
Logan returned his worried glance with his clear blue eyes. He seemed a little tired, a certain dullness veiling his yes and making them appear a bit blurry even behind his glasses.  
The IT student attempted a nod before his mouth split into a yawn and he turned around to shield the sight with his body and an additional hand.  
   
Wow, that was new, too.  
   
Logan ended his little outbreak with a shake of his head. Only then was it that he dared to turn back again and meet the slightly worried looks of Roman, Virgil and the quizzical yet burning gaze of the latest guest, Declyn.  
‘’Yes. Yes, indeed. I have taken one of these naps since my night sleep has been a little off these days. Do not worry about it. It is probably nothing but a little stress from the upcoming deadlines.’’  
   
Well, that was what Logan was saying anyway but everyone seemed to have a different idea on that.  
   
‘’Understandable, Logan’’, Dee mused softly, one of her hands curling around Virgil’s middle as she pulled him closer, ‘’I cannot sleep quite as well without Virgil by my side either.’’  
   
Logan returned the words with a bewilderment to his face that was new to Virgil, it was a sudden shadow that hushed over his features for but a moment. His own heart was leaping at the words and he turned to give his partner a look of offense.  
‘’Hey!’’, he blurted out but Dee simply squeezed his hip and cooed to him.  
‘’Too nice?’’  
   
Virgil rolled his eyes while Roman came over to Logan’s side and joined the conversation in excitement.  
‘’Does that mean you are dating?”  
Patton returned as well and Virgil might as well sick from all the attention and emotion. Logan looked about just as overwhelmed as he shot Patton a welcoming glance of absolute helplessness.  
   
As always, the eldest of the house was a saving grace to every situation.  
‘’How about we cuddle up on the couch and talk a bit? I can make you all some tea or coffee or hot chocolate’’, the excitement in his voice faded into a curious mumble, “maybe we have enough juice to make some mulled wine or fruit punch. If you want to only, you know!’’  
His voice lit up again, much like a candle.  
   
Yeah, was it not one of these funny days before Christmas? These Sundays that are special or whatever and you would light us candles and such shit?  
Virgil looked at Dee as the others complied and gathered around the living-room area.  
‘’Uh, yeah. No. I don’t know. Just tone it down, maybe?’’, he asked softly. His eyes were everywhere but on the other’s face.  
Luckily, she reacted as always and simply tugged her over to the others.  
‘’If you want me to, I will try, honey. I would hate making you uncomfortable after all.’’  
   
Everyone settled around the couch and Virgil ended up sandwiched between Dee and Logan while Roman was on the other side of the couch, probably waiting for Patton to join them.  
The lovely ginger man coaxed a desired beverage out of everyone and disappeared into the kitchen to prepare everything accordingly.  
   
If Virgil did not know better, he would almost assume that Patton was somewhat running away from him. Or maybe he was running from Dee?  
He should probably ask him about this as soon as they were a bit more secluded. So far, Dee had not waved any red flag so it was probably fine - good enough to move on and have this afternoon with the others.  
Logan and the others had wanted to know more about Virgil and his life so he was doing a good thing here, right?  
   
Roman looked at the three who were huddled together, Virgil halfway on Dee’s lap while Logan was somewhat leaning enough on Virgil for them to appear to be cuddling.  
They did look like a cute little thing together.  
‘’So? Are you dating? I need to know - romance is my oxygen! I live and breathe the dream of love and adventures!’’

Okay, of course he would not let the topic go down without a fight. Patton’s interventions were not always enough for Princey to stop talking after all.  
Before he could go on a tirade of how much he loved passion and love and how he was a secret patron of all lovers and loves that were reasonable and worthy of honour to him, Logan spoke up.  
The nerd did that cute anime thing of adjusting his glasses - for no reason, it was probably more of a habit whenever shit was about to get serious - and turned to Roman. A little smile accompanied him and he started his answer.  
   
‘’If you are talking about Virgil and I, you will be disappointed to find out that there is, however, no romance between us you could support. We are not dating as of now, Roman.’’  
Dee shot him a look but Virgil nudged her rib cage in response. That man could never shut the hell up now, could he?  
The punk rubbed his lower arms, lightly scraping his nails over the black and red band hoodie. There was no Christmas thing about this, it was just a regular Bunny Smashskull piece of merchandise. The back of his hoodie showed the smashed skull of a bunny which very much looked like a dead zombie cartoon-rabbit.  
   
Dee carefully travelled over to his left arm and gently squeezed it.  
“How about you let it go for a bit? There is no sense in provoking yourself’’, he whispered and Virgil  responded with a defiant bite to the right side of his bottom lip.  
Virgil curled up and cuddled further into Logan’s side. The IT student blinked in surprise but allowed the other to stay there, letting one arm curl around the small punk.  
   
Roman shook his head.  
The scene before him told stories that were in discord with Logan’s words but whatever. He could see the spark in Logan’s eyes and the tenderness on his face when he eyed the bundle of black.  
He was sure the nerd was in love.  
   
Time to do something about that.  
   
‘’Well, Logan, I sort of expected you to inform us in case you bind someone to you but I was actually asking the Buzz Lightfear and Princess Lemongum here.’’  
Virgil scoffed humourlessly and glared at Roman.  
‘’Wow, strong pun. I did not expect anything other than Disney to ever pass your lips. I am honestly surprised”, the youngest commented with a snark.  
   
Roman sat up to glare daggers at the speaker but a part of him had expected an answer of the same level. But if he dared to discredit or insult Disney, that would be his last word in this talk!  
On the other hand, Virgil’s friend was clearing her throat and blinking at the thespian, unfazed.  
   
‘’Your name is Roman, correct?’’  
   
The thespian looked at the guest, an uncertainty trembling in his facial features despite his strong jaw and prominent characteristics.  
His brown-reddish eyes focused on her. It seemed as if he was alive with the sudden attention gifted to him and his lips twitched into a broad smile.  
‘’That is right, I am Roman Begay, the one and lonely’’, he announced with a dramatic pose before he started sputtering in confusion, ‘’oops! Ah, just a Freudian slip.’’  
   
Roman chuckled, his nerves blank and black, plucked eyebrows bumping together.  
‘’I am not lonely, I am super good. Just came from a date!’’, he explained and ended his explanation with a cheerful “HaH”.  
Wow, that guy could not get any more like a fucking cartoon character, Virgil thought to himself in stoic amazement. Sometimes he wondered how Roman the roommate and Roman his enemy and fear were the same person. It just seemed so absurd but at least he knew he was safe in this environment.  
Maybe he had changed.  
   
Dee acknowledged the emotional mess of a sudden outbreak with a curt nod and a single blink.  
The corners of her mouth remained unmoved.  
‘’Alright, Roman”, she started, her words sliding around the name like a snake in slow, crawling movements that lead to a goal unknown to everyone around them. Only Declyn knew what she was doing and everyone else was left to try and figure out her motives.

’’About your question, my one and lonely, Virgil and I are in fact neither dating nor not dating’’, he explained in his usually ominous fashion, the answer in his words sliding around a definite explanation with the elegance of an eel.  
“If you define relationships as exclusively romantic, as you proposed, then we are, in fact, not dating. However, we are more than friends at the same time.”  
The guest let his lips spread into a lazy smile.  
   
‘’Have you ever heard of asexuality, Mister Romance?’’  
   
‘’Uh?”

Dee and Roman broke their intense eye contact as Patton returned with a tray of hot, steaming mugs in his large, freckled hands.  
The master student looked at them, glass-green eyes lost and distant. He looked as watery as the sea in which a translucent green like the one inhabiting his orbs could naturally occur. For once, he seemed small despite him towering above everyone - sitting or not, he was the tallest giant of them all.  
   
Virgil broke free between the soft embrace of limbs and friend and not-friend or whatever he and Dee were. His hands joined Patton’s around the edges of the tablet and he carefully helped the other stabilising and lowering the dark plank of shiny wood onto the coffee table without any spill, harm or crack.  
‘’Thank you Virgil’’, he commented, his voice sounding just as breathless as he seemed to be.  
   
The Disney Prince was oblivious to how lost and overwhelmed Patton seemed to be and he continued on, his words swaying in wavering confidence.  
“I do not think I have heard of that before, actually’’, he admitted before he redirected his attention to the mugs.  
‘’Oh! Thank you, Padre!”  
The actor carefully handled one of the mugs and settled with it, leaning back against the corner of the couch. His long, strong legs retreated to make extra space for his fellow giant friend and he shot him a smile before they all redirected their gazes to the man with the hat.  
   
Briefly, Virgil wondered whether wearing hats inside of a building was rude and he was sure his mother had scolded him profusely for wearing a beanie once upon a time. He could not even remember anymore but with his luck and his mother’s bullshit mentality, maybe that had been the case.  
But was she right? Nobody seemed offended ..  
   
Whether they were or not, his partner did not care. She gently wrapped her arms around Virgil as soon as he was back in his spot by her side, steaming mug of hot chocolate in his hands and a content smile stealing itself around his lips.  
‘’Asexuality is a sexual orientation that excludes sexual attraction, possibly even the desire to engage in sexual activities Some asexual individuals - also called “aces” - do express a wish and interest to get intimate while others are not interested or even averse to the idea of participating in sexual fantasies or even acts.”  
   
Everyone nodded. Logan had this funny gleam in his eyes. That man lived on knowledge and information. Everything new to his ears and brain seemed like the most artistically crafted and carefully prepared treat one could imagine. It was a delight to all his senses, especially his sixth sense: the sense of knowledge.  
Roman just took in the words and seemed to shrug them off.  
Dee let her eyes roam over Patton for just a moment but it was enough of a moment to realise that he did not seem to take the information as simple fact.  
   
He seemed personally affected by the information.  
   
 “There is more than just asexuality since sexuality in general is a spectrum but there are also people who identify as demisexual and let us not talk about the aromantic spectrum”, Declyn started with a casual hum to her voice.  
The whole topic seemed as easy and common as talking about the weather or her favourite meal. It was the simplest and most natural small talk she had in her mind and none of the words she spilled before the others appeared to be forced or even the slightest bit false.  
   
Logan and Roman nodded. It was probably to indicate their understanding or similar things but Virgil was not sure. He was simply laying in the comfortable middle of two kind and nice friends he enjoyed to be with.  
Patton seemed still rather overwhelmed, his expression almost scared as he took in all the information Dee provided so effortlessly.  
Virgil shifted a little to tug at Patton to come closer and squeeze Logan into a more comforting warmth of their joined proximity.  
   
The ginger giant moved and squished the slightly smaller nerd further into Virgil’s side who was now conveniently sitting on Dee’s and Logan’s lap to basically the same extent.  
   
“To say that asexual and/or aromantic individuals as much as their fellow pals of the same spectrum are unable to have relationships due to their inability to have an urge that pushes them into romantic or sexual acts is obviously ridiculous. Even without sex or romantic acts, you can have a deeply emotional and intimate relationship. These can be familial, they can be platonic but they can also be more than a regular friendship.”  
Virgil squirmed a little to get more comfortable and Dee rose her arm to let him have his space to move and do as he pleased. Not that she minded. Right now she was in the moment of teaching people some awareness when there was none just yet.  
   
Her favourite little punk got comfortable again, eventually coming to a halt and curling up against Logan with one arm angled to keep the hot mug close to her chest and one hand connected to Patton’s larger one.  
Their fingers interlaced on Logan’s upper thigh and despite his reserved appearance he did neither complain nor decline the state of being caught up in the fire of two dear friends’ affection.  
Dee’s right hand was tangled up in the intense purple of Virgil’s hair. It used to be on the more indigo side especially with the bluish tips but now it was rather magenta, edging on the reddish tinge that would remind Logan of fuchsia. They must have freshly dyed it in the time Virgil had been gone from home.  
Virgil blew the steam off the beverage and took a sip before holding it up to Dee and letting her have a little slurp as well. The two shared the fruity winter spices and a smile. The younger one signed a praise over to Patton who took it in with a flushed smile and warm expression on his face.  
   
‘’If we only focus on people like me - individuals who are asexual - then we look at different relationships that are still possible despite the missing sexual component. After all, you still love a person if you cannot exercise sexual or romantic deeds with them such as in a long-distance relationship or when you are naturally apart for work and similar obligations. What I am saying is that all people can have relationships and that the validity of a relationship does not vanish at the moment people cannot express their love romantically or sexually at any given moment.”  
   
Roman nodded again, seemingly enraptured.  
‘’Fascinating’’, was all Logan could come up with. He had clearly obtained knowledge he had never encountered before. Not even in the slightest.  
Virgil would only bet that he could catch Logan trying to find literature on romantic and sexual orientations the second he got back to work at the library. Not that he would think of this as bad. Logan was naturally attracted to knowledge. Therefore, he thirsted after the satisfaction of his missing knowledge. To him, it must be the curiosity brought about by the alluring scents of a blooming and grooming spring breeze. It was so full of many different things and it put a leash on every individual who was invested with the beauty of nature and ready to sacrifice time just to identify the source of this one smell that would not let them go, even if it took all spring to encounter this one fragrance again and fully immerse themself in it.  
   
‘’Fascinating indeed. Human beings are so diverse”, Dee commented in return, her voice wrapping around the assembled group of roommates who were all hanging at her lips, captured and lost by her words.  
“At least humans are also inventive enough to come up with terms and principles for all our differences. If not known commonly enough, at least we try to accommodate the few individuals who have understood who and what they are and desire so they can experience a safety in their own little world. Until, of course, we all catch up with what the hell is going on and these oh so novel findings come into existence for the rest of the ignorant society who cares about barely anything but their own belly buttons.”  
   
Virgil snorted at the last few words and hid his smile in Logan’s upper arm with a little noise the nerd could not quite place.  
   
Roman shifted a bit but followed around to catch up to Patton just enough to have their bodies touch again. His focus on Dee never quite broke off.  
“Alright, so that means you have a friendship-not-quite-friendship with Virgil because you somewhat do not desire to make love”, he summarised, his voice stumbling over the words of the English language awkwardly until he mentally caught up to his last words. “I mean - make love sexually! You know… having sex and such!”  
The thespian offered Dee a sympathetic smile and she accepted the proposal with a short nod.  
   
“Not wrong, Romancer”, she admitted and Roman lit up at this. He was not sure whether he had quite gotten it but at least he did not offend the two!  
Declyn was looking at her nails, her left fingers curling into a loose fist in order to present her the state of her hand. Her expression was unreadable hence it was impossible to say whether Roman had actually displeased her or how she felt about her nails at this moment.  
“Virgil can date whoever he wants to and so can I. We do not specifically define this arrangement according to labels provided in the name of society.”  
   
 Roman gave him a nearly helpless look but in some way, he almost seemed to light up with a hope he had not experienced before.  
“So you are polyamorous?”  
   
Virgil made a little sound and Dee shrugged.  
“I am whatever I feel and if a happen to feel about yet another person, then I will gladly share myself with Virgil and them. Maybe he feels the same but that is up to him. I do not make the decisions here, not for anyone but myself.”  
   
Dee leaned closer, conspiracy written all over her smug face as she smirked at the queer Disney Prince on the other end of the couch. Her legs folded over one another as if to assume a more condescending and superior air than she already had created around her up until now.  
‘’Between you and me, V bites, so you better do not challenge her to anything romantic because she will destroy you”, she mused softly.  
It took a strong nudge for Dee to back up again and Virgil sat up again, setting his mug back onto the coffee table that was standing conveniently before them, surrounding the couch and offering a supportive space.  
   
“Fuck you”, he snarled as he crossed his arms over his chest with a huff, his soft, fluffy hair floating down onto his face as he shifted until he could simply let his back fall into the couch again.  
“But yeah, hit on me and I might kick you into a ditch.”  
   
Virgil shrugged dismissively, his eyes cast down and resting his focus between him and Dee again. She offered her hand again, the one that was not softly petting his hair and brushing through the incredibly soft and silky hair. It was so light and seemed as silky and heavenly as clouds promised to feel like according to their looks.  
The aftercare of dyeing hair manipulated the strands into thinking they were fresh, the most recent newborn shit that has ever been to this planet. It was almost like floating in water. It was defying gravity and just resided in existing in itself, independent of time and weight.  
While he seemed a bit sour, his expression glowing at a mediocre level when he glanced up at his partner, he leaned into the touch after some moments and let the other take his left hand.  
There was another person, Patton, on the other side of his right arm. The terribly flawed and lacking hand that seemed to be the elder’s little plaything at the momen.  
Logan cleared his throat.  
   
Well, maybe now the nerd did have enough affection sprawling itself over his lap and cuddling into his side.  
It almost felt like a hesitant harem that heavily and slowly, like heavy metal melting, flowed together and bubbled up here and there as it gradually mingled into one homogeneous mass.  
Except, there was usually some sort of tension between people who decided they were all similarly ready to mingle.  
   
Patton and Virgil’s connection was broken up by Logan squirming out of the connection. The punk retreated to his lover and Dee opened her arms to welcome her small lover in her arms, gently holding and him and muttering soothing words that wrapped around Virgil’s insulted fire like a cooling bandage.  
Their hands intertwined, fingers curling and bumping into one another as they were stroking and seeking, eventually settling together and holding each other tightly. Their hearts were strung together as their fingers had finally met and seemed allowed to legally stay together, even in the eyes of broad light and the coziness of perfect people around them.  
   
“I am sorry”, Declyn cooed and Virgil nodded warily. He heard the words and he could feel the remorse in his own chest. It was itching and stinging like rakes of thorns embracing his vital organ and squeezing into it with an unwanted, unwelcomed forced.  
“Just shut up and continue your discourse”, Virgil uttered softly.  
Perhaps he was too tired to rule with anger and justice or maybe he did not care too much but right now, he just swallowed around his thoughts and unspoken words with trained precision.  
"Wait  a moment", Roman cut in again, his voice spiked with a new bit of interest. There was a certain flavour to his voice that Virgil did not know how to place just then. "You are telling me that there has never been a thing between you and Virgil? Not once? Two hot guys and you still never felt like having anything more physical? "  
He cleared his throat and shifted a bit. Patton turned his head to look at his roommate and friend.  
"Virgil, my dear. You do not have to speak about it if you do not want to and neither do you, Declyn. We do not want to intrude or expose your life and relationship. It is just a lot of info to unpack and you know, this old man here needs a lesson in life every now and then as well"  
Patton ended his little intervention with a small smile encouraging his lips and the others and Roman energetically nodded his head so much, Virgil almost expected some sort of natural decapitation to take place.  
Virgil shifted a little and his partner softly kissed the top of his head.  
"Uh, no. It is okay, thanks Pat", he mumbled and curled further into Dee's arms, "I am happy like that, if you cannot see that for yourself. I don't feel ready for the uh..um -.. the other parts of a relationship. Too much stress and all that shit and it freaks me out. I am very much happy just like that."  
A noise escaped Dee but Virgil silenced him with a twitch of his lips. Their hands squeezed together again and a comforting blanket of silence sprawled over them.  
"Roman, trust me. I did test myself in several situations and I do not care for sexual interactions with any person - not even Virgil."  
The punk threw him another quick glance but let the topic be. Patton narrowed his eyebrows like a zipper closing up and sighed softly.  
"I am happy you two found something that worked for you."  
"Thank you, Patton. It means a lot receiving a blessing from you after all", Dee hinted.  
Virgil would rip his head off, no matter how happy and in love he was. Patton was an insecure mess, torn up between being flustered and feeling a sense of distant hurt. Surely, he did have to be mistaken. The hollowness within his chest and the charcoal heart pumping haphazardly were another demon he had to cope with. It was a story, a long one but it was recent enough to still affect him. Nothing else. He could just pick up his therapy sessions again and just make sure he was doing alright.  
At the same time, Virgil looked up, ducking further under Dee’s coal black hat.  Was it just him or did it smell of biscuits and cinnamon?  
Before them was the missing nerd in all his glory and power, towering over the sitting commons with plates of fresh-baked biscuits.  
 "Logan is back!", Roman commented cheerfully and sat up again, the people on the couch moving to make the other some space for his actions and also him seating himself back into the softness of their shared proximity. Virgil wiggled a little and scrambled back onto his own knees as the other settled back between him and Patton.  
There was not more but a gaze shared by him and Logan to communicate his integrity in the couch arrangement and he found himself squished into his side again, backed up by Dee who effectively sandwiched the smallest of the group between the brain and the snake.  
   
The gaping darkness was hidden under a rug, some tight fabric hiding away the elephant in the room.  
“Thanks, Log”, Virgil mumbled softly and the words were followed by echos in the forms of Patton’s moderate volume and sweet words as much as Dee’s clear phrases and Roman’s excited cheers along with compliments and serenaded praises on the subject of Patton’s divine baked goods.  
“You are welcome. Patton made them, though”, he simply called back and hooked Virgil’s mug into his hands and back into his co-worker’s grip.  
   
“Oh yes! You should try them! They have no peanuts in them if you allergic to these things and these over there”, Patton started and pointed over to a plate with darker biscuits on them (probably chocolate). “They are dairy-free because they are Roman’s favourites and he cannot have any lactose, you know?”  
The excited baker shifted a bit. He had all his hands to himself again and he was huddled up between Roman and Logan in another platonic cuddle session once more. It was comfortable and warm, inside and outside. It brought a smile to his lips. At least the oldest in the group was back to his usual self - or a faded defrosted version of it.  
“Try some, we made them together before you came! If you want, we can also bake together!”  
   
“Virgil, my dearest would you?”, Dee prompted her partner who was already moving to retrieve a biscuit.  
He broke it into two, gave one two Logan and hand-feed his remaining piece to his beloved partner.  
She signed something of gratitude as she broke off a bit with her teeth, leaving Virgil with the rest.  
Oh, that game.  
The artist glared at her for a moment, her shit-eating smile splaying all over her facial features as she returned the fierce look in his golden eyes. In the background, compliments and praise was poured over Patton with giggles and kind words lulling him into the well-deserved satisfaction of his honey accomplishments.  
   
“I am happy you like them, kiddos”  
   
They continued on, chatting and exchanging some information. They discussed Roman’s play, Patton’s current progress in his study and Declyn’s recent start into his career as a lawyer as well as how Logan and Virgil met at a library job that helped them pay for their bachelor’s degree both were aiming at.  
Eventually, they brought out the games, eating warm biscuits and sipping hot chocolate with flinching lips and domestic giggles.  
   
 After taking a certain break from a series of games, they were all cuddles up again, cozy and warm with blankets and another round of heated mugs being given around and shared among friends.  
Virgil was leaned against Logan, curled up on himself and on Declyn.  
   
Roman stretched out and yawned.  
It was not particularly late but so far, they had been comfortable and warm together in the little domestic games they had participated in together.  
It was getting dark outside as noon had passed over into afternoon, maybe even exceeded this time frame as it entered the grey zone between afternoon and early evening. Especially in the later days of the year, it was getting dark soon enough. Just another contribution to being drowsy and tired despite having been a tad more lazy than productive by the end of the week.  
   
As Patton always said, it was important to cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to relax and just not do anything or maybe only do something pleasant and light for a change.  
Nobody could just work on high tension at all times. No matter how hard they would try. It was toxic and unfair to oneself and gave way to abusing ones energy and other resources for the sake of only functioning like some machine. Human beings clearly were no machine. They were not made for this kind of thing.  
   
It was the season of love and cold weather which only encouraged indoor cuddles and heated baking sessions rather than going outside and being productive.  
Winter was slow and cool. The perfect environment to just be and see for some time. It was about stopping and looking around when during the rest of the year, the stress and rush was pushing us into one or another direction until we ended up stranded in our accumulation of decisions.  
   
Patton yawned and leaned into Logan as well, the nerd becoming heavy and slumped over from how much warmth was surrounding him.  
He sunk into himself a little and let his eyes droop a little into a short rest.  
“That was so nice, was it not?”, Patton prompted softly, his voice soothed into a slower pace from being sleepy from the winter comfort that was sneaking into his body.  
It was so nice to just rest for a bit.  
   
Roman smacked his lips and brought a mug to his lips as he nodded.  
Logan looked like a stand-by computer. Not quite awake nor asleep either.  
Virgil was just a little baby all curled up and protected in his narrow space between his two dear ones that made sure he was safe in the asylum of their proximity.  
Declyn leaned back, her lips curving and stretching like an awoken feline.  
   
“Indeed. We should do this more often”, she agreed eventually.  
Her features were sharp and on point as always yet she seemed a little less snarky. Less dangerous.  
Maybe the warmth had finally gotten to her and turned her into the coziness of letting her guard down.  
She seemed... approachable at last.  
“I am glad you had fun”  
   
Patton smiled at his old acquaintance. Friend?  
It was not quite clear but an air of familiarity and mutuality seemed to surround them. It smelled of sugar crystals and little secrets that were sparking between them. Little light sin the dark, neatly huddled away but just brightly shining enough to be seen despite their position.  
The student sighed and Roman excused himself for a bathroom break. Just a moment, just a bit. They could hold on the fun and giggles for a moment and survive without their favourite prince, could they not?  
   
They would figure it out. Step by step. Side by side.  
   
The smile dropped as soon as the door closed on them and he leaned closer, his body hunching just a slightest bit over Logan and Virgil as they were now rather curled up against one another, slumbering in the sweet innocence of a late day nap.  
A shadow was hovering over the two, as much as it was chasing over Patton’s features for just the blink of a moment. The echo of an increased heartbeat.  
   
He opened his mouth to speak. For once, his sweet and light voice took turn with something more mysterious, a shady figure of words materialising before the other’s ears and quickly taking refugee into them.  
Dee leaned into their invisible booth of secrets with interest.  
“Declyn, I .. I have more questions about this whole thing”, he admitted. His voice seemed more like a shy doe running from a loud noise in immense precaution and vigilance. There was no threat or mystery more than fear in his sentence. No, a plead rather.  
   
The guest arched a carefully formed eyebrow on her dark swirl of a skin.  
“Oh darling, what do you mean? Patton, if you need to know more about astronauts then you should ask our space gays over there”, she commented. Dee was referring to this game they had played together. The last section was about a group of people travelling through the galaxy. Some space facts and some fictional space misinformation has been spread and corrected if need be. Neither Logan nor Virgil seemed too keen on letting the wrong data settle in the knowledge of other people.  
Her words were followed by a little nudge that was left in the room with not even a little sound coming from the actively motionless younger ones that rested to their laps.  
Patton’s face distorted in a sudden.. panic? and he frantically waved his hands as if to support a fire with airy fanning and excited movements to bring it to life and let the spark catch the surrounding firewood.  
   
“I... n-no”, the master student elaborated, his words falling from his lips in unprepared and helpless winds of struggle and imbalanced feeling. If he knew his own intentions, then he was unable to set them out for someone else to understand.  
The noise from the bathroom ripped through his insecurity. It gave way to his panic and let him throw a quick glance over to the closed door that was about to break free and into the room where it happened. Patton looked as if he was a person, hidden from the law after breaking it by merely drawing breaths of oxygen into his lungs. Every sound and movement seemed to set him off and he kept checking his surroundings.  
“I need your help, Declyn. I do not understand th-”, he produced in a rush yet was cut off by the door moving.  
   
The sound and movement whipped him back into his seat and he scrambled to make up for his jittery stance.  
   
 Roman was back, stretching his body and shaking his limbs like the flexible man he was. Long, strong limbs stretched. Fluent tan was moving, muscles flexing and curling under his skin in delightful twitches.  
“This had been so much fun”, he commented with a content smile pulling his lips into a sharp and intense form.  
“Hey, we could do that more often.”  
   
Patton was already on it, the words his friend had spoken in thickly-layered volume of emotions in all colours of the rainbow were the ideal prompt for him to snap back into his expected stance. His usual smile reached up to his mouth but never reached his freckled cheeks, nor his eyes that almost seemed dull and pale compared to his usual spark of excitement.  
“Aw”, he hummed, his expression almost mimicking the one of a hamster crunching on a big sunflower seed in satisfying sloth. “You know, we can just do that. Dee, would you like that as well? If not - you do not have to, obviously. We would never, I mean.. - ‘’  
He sighed, his eyes travelling down to his lap for a moment. His legs were barely touching Logan’s.  
“All I want to say, is..”, he reiterated, “you are welcome if you want to come here.”  
   
Roman nodded enthusiastically and hopped down onto the couch, taking his respective seat next to Patton and throwing his arms around him from his back. His hands folded over his trained stomach and the hug squeezed around Patton’s big and fluffy sweater with habituated ease.  
It almost looked as if Roman was trying to become one of the sheer floof that was this sweater as he and Patton nearly fused into this cotton-wonder of factual softness.  
   
It was simply adorable. Objectively.  
   
“Yeah! We can have game nights together if you wanna or you can just hang out with us if you want to!”  
   
Declyn returned the offers and suggestions with the acknowledgement of a nod and the appreciation in her little smile.  
“Thank you, I am sure that it will n-”, she started but was cut off by something moving next to her legs.  
   
Virgil.  
   
The smaller emo shifted, moving further into his essentially fetal position as he made a little sound - possibly to indicate that the sounds were disturbing his nap. Next to him, Logan was started to stir just the slightest bit.  
Dee shot Roman a look, silencing him as the thespian understood. Sometimes, this man just had the ability to read more from a look than he would understand from certain lines.  
Patton hummed to enforce the silent communication and for a moment, everything was so silent, they could have heard a dust bunny breathe and needles drop.  
   
Then, a sound of vibration seemed to come up. Muffled and weak but intense and stubborn enough to come up again and again.  
The sleeping duo shifted again, both moving closer to one another.  
   
 This was an forbidden sight of adorableness that nobody dared to breath upon.  
Roman let his eyes shift from Patton to Dee, questions and helplessness ensuing in his flickering reddish orbs.  
The thespian moved his mouth, lips stretching in exaggerated theatre-manner. He was mouthing to them.  
   
What is that?, was his question and Patton could only shrug. His eyebrows were knitted together in deliberation as he started patting down on his pants to check whether it was his phone alerting him.  
Dee blinked at the action and slowly moved in to slide her hands into the front pocket of Virgil’s hoodie.  
   
Hah. Success. A phone.  
She smiled at the others who let out a breath of relief as the two continued to nap peacefully.  
Patton gently shrugged off his blanket and placed them over the little cuties that were his and Roman’s beloved roommates.  
The guest pulled here arm back to her body and spared a glance at the new gadget she was now holding in her naked hands.  
   
Without hesitation, she looked at the message and gave a sigh in response before putting the phone down onto the coffee table, silent mode activated.  
She got up and looked at the others, her hands moving to invite the others to follow after.  
If they wanted to keep talking, they would have to move to a place where they would actually be able to make more than as much as a breathing sound without disturbing the two sleeping beauties right by their sides.  
   
The three moved, one by one getting up in order to reduce the amount of noise and volume they triggered. Once outside of the living room, they settled in the kitchen and Patton found himself at the sink, already organising some dirty plates of the day.  
   
“Nonono, padre”, Roman argued and carefully reached out. Words clashing hard into the ground but hands softly wrapping around his friend’s busy hands. His tender touch had Patton stop his actions and step away from the chores.  
“You have had work the other day and did not sleep much because you went to church with your parents. How about you let me do the chores for now.”  
While formulated as a question, the thespian insistently nudged at Patton before the caring man sighed and gave way to the other.  
He turned to Dee who arched her arched eyebrows in interest.  
   
“Are you refusing to take care of yourself as w- “, she started smoothly before her words broke off in a sudden change of mind. Maybe just the impact of an unexpected realisation hitting her like a burglar assaulting her from behind and swiftly knocking her out with one strong move.  
“-take care of your well-being, I meant to say.”  
Her tone reached a certain depth, almost as if she was bathing her words in a scorn that seemed so low in condescension. Then what was this tone about?  
   
Patton was too riled up to question these things now, his mind still swirling and stumbling in the drunk haze of intense confusion hitting him like a trauma-induced flashback.  
Dee gave him a sympathetic smile, her dark eyes warming into amber shards of shared emotions and experience.  
“It is okay, Patton. If you need to rest, then maybe you should do it.”  
He returned the expression with a thin layer of glass in his eyes. It was there, it was him and it was so close to breaking, Dee wanted to wrap her fingers into her gloves again. They were the colours of baby chickens and just about as soft and calming to the touch and soul.  
   
Roman started up on the dishes, the sink running as he started humming (every now and then mumbling the words to the rhythm of his own beat) a song about work and checking out men who had “a mind at work - work”.  
Patton crossed the distance between him and his old acquaintance.  
   
“Darling, you owe me something”, she indicated and Patton’s head immediately jerked to the side so he could look at his friend.  
Eyes wide like a shook deer in the eye of the headlights that were approaching fast. The crash coming up, it was right there, it did not stop-  
   
Declyn gently placed a hand on his shoulder.  
“Your number. I think we should meet some time and catch up a little”, she explained, her voice becoming heavy with the calmness of impending sleep resting over a laying figure late at night.  
The words slowly lowered onto Patton in realisation and he nodded slowly, his eyes seeming distant and loopy as if on pain-numbing medication.  
   
 “Number.. yes..”, the student said eventually, his words slow and still being processed as they could be heard, “of course I will give you my number so we can meet up.”  
Patton shuffled around his pockets again to get his phone and Declyn carefully took it and dialed her number into it. A moment later, her own phone was making a hissing sound.  
   
“Now I have your number”  
She dropped the phone into his hands and let her fingers dance over her own phone to quickly save the contact.  
“Wonderful”, she concluded.  
   
Patton hummed.  
He pocketed his phone again and looked over at Roman who had put the washed dishes onto to the drying rack so it would settle before he could dry them.  
Rubbing his eyes, the ginger walked over to the light switch to click light into the room. Much much better.  
   
Since it was winter, it was considerably dark. December was eating the day light slowly, reducing the amount everyone got out of it. In exchange, there was more and earlier darkness that sucked in everyone’s homes and dreams in the wetness of icy snow and a cruel world.  
However, candles and warmth inside was the hope everyone strove for.  
   
It was warm here with Patton, the one to make light and bring in the warmth with his sweater hugs and welcoming arms.  
   
“Patton, perhaps we should make actual food”, Declyn suggested and Roman dried his hand, turning to look at the other two who were next to one another again.  
“Oh yes, it has gotten pretty late already. We should make something to eat - maybe not more biscuits if we can help it. How would you feel about some eggscelent omelette?”  
   
Roman smirked, his lips spreading over his lips.  
“Patton, I have heard you say butter than such weak puns”  
The roommate chuckled in return.  
“How about adding a sweet puntato to the eggs!”, he offered and Roman immediately moved to get the spices and vegetables outside while Patton slowly got the eggs and some milk and cheese.  
   
Why? Cheese made everything better and they had lactose-free ingredients so Roman would not be in pain or have any issues. In the worst case, there would still be things he could take to ensure his body would be able to process the lactose taken into his system.  
   
Declyn observed the peaceful interaction, the perfectly synced movements.  
When Patton would get a knife, Roman would get the cutting board. One would start stirring as the other walked away to prepare something else.  
The rhythm between them was like a child playing with the waves. Running after them when the water retreated and retreating when the water was returning.  
There was always movement, there was always an exchange of things and not once did one of them rest to do nothing when they decided to work together.  
   
They exchanged more puns and bantered about how theatre rehearsals had been and whether Patton enjoyed going to church with his parents when Christmas time came up.  
Being the sunshine he was, of course he mentioned that they had shared biscuits together that he and other moms had brought before.  
   
She left them to the harmony of their cooking process and retreated to the living-room. Upon entering, she saw Virgil blindly reaching for the phone and putting it back into his pocket. He blinked as he heard someone move and stirred back to his side, putting some distance between him and the resting figure of Logan who was nearly curled up around him like a protective shepherd.  
   
“Did you enjoy your nap?”  
   
Virgil slowly turned to face his partner and opened his mouth just a bit before closing it again and rubbing his smudged black around his eyes even further. His lips continued splitting and meeting for one or two more times, as if he was tasting being the solely conscious person with his partner in this room. At least for the moment.  
He hummed in acknowledgement.  
   
“Love, I think we have to talk.”  
   
Fuck.  
   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The question mark is intentional! This is no editing mistake
> 
> I hope you liked it ♥ Feel free to drop me a comment on my tumblrs or here. I would love to chat with you guys! If you need me to trigger anything, I am always open to listen and edit things.

**Author's Note:**

> If I missed any tags, please let me know so I can add them! Nobody deserves to get triggered when wanting to have a nice read and relaxing time!
> 
> You're encourages to comment and criticise (if I figure out how to, I'll answer, too! It's my first on a3o) 
> 
> Have a nice day 💜


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